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A Chosen Vessel with Melissa Ringstaff
Publisher: Cedar Tree Press
Copyright: 2008
Format: Audio Download
A Chosen Vessel with Melissa Ringstaff – Audio Download
Price: $5.95
Buttons for A Year of Family Worship
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Truck-Stop Buttermilk Pancakes
This recipe was submitted by Bonnie. She says, “I finally found a pancake recipe that works!”
Truck-stop Buttermilk Pancakes
Dry:
2 1/2 cups flour (wheat or white)
2 1/2 t baking powder
2 1/2 t baking soda
pinch salt
3 T white sugar
Wet:
2 1/2 heaping Tablespoons of sour cream
3/4 cup milk
3 T butter, melted
2 1/2 c buttermilk
Mix the dry and wet ingredients in seperate bowls. Combine them together when you are ready to make them, when the pan is hot enough. The skillet is hot enough when water sizzles on the surface. Be sure not to over mix the batter—even leaving little clumps of flour in it. Cook on the skillet (do not use oil). Flip to the other side when the pancake is dry looking in the middle with open bubbles in the middle. Keep warm in the oven.
Proverbs 31 Sisters Book Club – February Pick!
If you have not joined the Proverbs 31 Sister Book Club yet, now is the time! Our current book selection is Set Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy. This book is sure to get you thinking! For more information, visit the book club page.
The Book Discussion will begin: February 18th, 2010 – so order your book and get ready for a treat! The discussion will be held online at The Proverbs 31 Sisters Book Club group page. Be sure to join the group so you can participate!
About the Book:
Leslie Ludy, author of Authentic Beauty and the bestselling When God Writes Your Love Story, reveals how a young woman’s pursuit of acceptance and sameness directly counters her true purpose—to be set apart by her love for God and God’s love for her.
This empowering message filled with inspiring stories, personal illustrations, and a foundation of God’s Word to awaken young women to sacred femininity and a life infused with meaning. Each chapter encourages readers to release worldly standards and set their sights on a more worthy pursuit as they:
- surrender to God’s love and wholeness
- embrace the real blueprint for beauty
- enjoy spectacular purpose
- captivate the masculine heart
- cultivate spiritual strength
This journey will spark a desire in every woman to leave the fairy tale of the masses behind and walk toward the unique beauty, love, and dreams God has for her.
Tunnel of Death: An Eating Disorder
I was scared. My dad was crying. He was the most important person in the world to me and he was crying. I don’t remember him crying – ever. I started to shiver. 
I wished he would stop. Please stop dad. Please don’t make a scene. We were in a restaurant and kids I knew could walk in and see us. I would never hear the end of it! I could hear it now – “Your dad’s a baby!” they would taunt. It was bad enough they called me “bones”, heaven forbid they would call my dad names too!
I stared at my dad and watched the tears flow down his checks. “Please Mary, eat!” he begged, his voice strained and weary.
I shook my head furiously. “I can’t” I protested, my body beginning to shake as I stared at the turkey sandwich set before me. I continued to stare at the sandwich and shake my head as if by doing so I could shake away my dad’s voice which kept reaching deep within me, softly coaxing me to eat.
I had been unable to eat for so long. I had been adamant in my strength and resolve, no one could force me to eat. But suddenly, within a matter of a few minutes, something within me clicked. I was transfixed as if in a dream and I was unable to understand how the half sandwich had gotten from my hand to my mouth. I remember my stomach hurting after I ate the sandwich. I had gone so long without solid food, subsisting on oranges and apples for so long that my stomach could not tolerate the sudden onslaught of food; one half of a sandwich and I was sick. I know it was the power of the Holy Spirit taking hold of my hand, moving it toward the food and helping me to eat.
The year was 1971. I was thirteen years old and dying of malnutrition. I had a disease called Anorexia Nervosa. Anorexia Nervosa was not a known disease at that time; certainly no one in my family or community knew what this disease was. Nobody knew I was starving myself because I was lonely, depressed, and felt insecure about growing up. How did this happen?
I was twelve years old when I entered the tunnel of death. I call it the tunnel of death because my mind was a slave to food. I was traveling down the tunnel with no vision to the right or left, only straight ahead. My mind was constantly counting calories eaten and calories burned. I didn’t know I was trapped in the tunnel of death – it happened so suddenly.
In sixth grade I began to mature into a woman faster than average. While most girls were in training bras, I was more developed. But it wasn’t just my bust size. I was developing curves which made me appear heavier than most of my petite female classmates. I felt clumsy, lonely, and out of place.
I remember a particular day in sixth grade. We had just gotten back from lunch when a girl in my class bumped into me by accident and complained loudly, “If you weren’t so huge I could get into the classroom.”
“Stop that,” my sixth grade teacher reprimanded. “Some of us are just plumper than others.”
“Yeah she’s plump all right, chanted a boy, plump and fat.”
Hot sultry tears welled up in my eyes as my face flushed a bright red. I turned my head away from the laughter feeling a determination to stop their laughter once and for all.
Around that time my aunt was over at our house for a visit. She was forever giving people unwanted advice and could not help but lend me some as well.
“Why Mary, I see that you have gained a bit of weight. I have always found it helpful to count calories. I have an extra calorie counting guide, why don’t you have it.” She continued to ramble on with no regard for my feelings on the matter. I took the book and thought about tossing it. Instead I began to absorb it, every detail. Before long I had purchased several books on losing weight and counting calories. It was then I decided to go on a diet.
It began as a sensible diet that went horribly wrong. I couldn’t stop. I was trapped in the tunnel of death. I saw myself as never being thin enough, even at 85, 70, 65, 60, or, at my lowest weight, 57 pounds. People began to whisper about me. They were all wrong. They were all fat. Even the people I once thought of as thin were now fat in my eyes. My mind was confused. Why couldn’t I get thin?
I understand that Anorexia Nervosa is a disease of the mind. I would never be thin enough because it was not about being thin. The disease is about control, being in control of your life. I felt out of control because I was developing into a woman and I was not ready. I was afraid of losing control of my body and who I was. I needed help from somebody fast because the tunnel of death was swallowing me up.
“Stop, you can’t make me eat!” I screamed as I ran from the kitchen table. All they wanted to do was to make me fat again. Get me back to the old me – fat ugly me. I sat alone in my room staring at the wall.
“Aren’t you hungry?” came the voice of my sister out of the shadow. Startled I looked up, angry at the intrusion of my thoughts. “No!” I insisted. It seemed like I was always angry lately “Mom says they will take you to the hospital soon,” came the voice of my sister once more.
“I don’t care,” I retorted. “Just leave me alone!” She did. So did everybody else, or so it seemed. But they prayed and God did not leave me alone. I was now at my lowest weight – 57 pounds.
Soon after this, I began to eat at the restaurant. The Holy Spirit took my life and did a U-Turn at the restaurant that saved my life. There is no other way to explain it, since Anorexia Nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. Young women and men often die of this disorder once they reach the point I did. My parent’s faith in God and constant prayers saved my life. This doesn’t mean I was cured, but God saved me from the jaws of death to regain enough weight to survive. My battle had just begun. It would be another three years before I would read an article about Anorexia Nervosa and learn about this disease.
Despite my new faith in Christ I was not yet willing or able to give up my food obsessions to God. I struggled with weight loss and gain throughout high school and college. A perfectionist, I achieved high honors and top grades. Secretly I binged, purged with excessive exercise and laxatives, hating myself the entire time. I was constantly trying to reach the perfect control over food.
Once out of college I finally got some therapy when my weight plummeted again to a low of 98 pounds. The therapy helped but once out of therapy the pattern of food abuse and obsessive control of food and exercise began again. Therapy gave me a measure of peace and control; outside of therapy, the real world offered chaos and constant change. Change had always been my enemy. God has been working with me to handle change.
I am now married to a caring husband who loves me. God blessed us with a wonderful son who is now fourteen years old. It has been a loving God patiently teaching me to accept myself that has truly healed me. God has shown me that life’s ups and downs are not in my control but in his control. I still struggle at times with a need to control through exercise and diet, but the extreme pattern is gone – God is in control.
1) Jim Gray, Ph.D., American University Not an Adolescent Whim: The Facts about Eating Disorders June 13, 2002; Washington, D.C. Mary Emmeck is a freelance writer and resides in Maple Grove, Minnesota.
Making the Sabbath a Delight
Written by Glenn Holland.
Isaiah 58:13 (NIV): “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord ’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words . . .”
Many people have a hard time discovering how to make the Sabbath a delight. As a guide, consider that the Sabbath was intended to be a time for spiritual and physical refreshment; a time to get to know God better and be physically renewed to face another week (Exodus 20:8-11).
I. Notice the sort of things that Jesus did on Sabbath. There are a total of ten recorded incidences in which Jesus did something on Sabbath. 
A. Eating
- Picking grain with the disciples (Matthew 12)
- Eating with one of the chief Pharisees (Luke 14:1)B. Healing
- Man with crippled hand (Mark 3:1)
- Crippled man by the pool (John 5:2)
- Blind man receives sight (John 9)
- A woman relieved of an 18-year infirmity (Luke 13)C. Teaching in the synagogue
- Matthew 12:9
- Mark 1:21
- Mark 6:2D. Resting
- In the tomb (Matthew 27:58-60)Note: In no place do we find Jesus saying, “It’s been a tough week. Let’s sleep the day away!” There is no indication from the actions of Christ that the day was designed for inactivity. The only time we find Him resting on Sabbath was when He was DEAD.
II. What are some things that would be good to do on Sabbath? The following suggestions may help:
1. Visit a Sabbath-keeper you’ve never visited before.
2. Put a nature puzzle together.
3. Have a special family worship: Have each family member bring an object and tell how it reminds them of God.
4. Do a topical Bible study on a subject that interests you.
5. Read a good devotional book.
6. Count how many colors of flowers are in bloom near you.
7. Learn the difference between trees (tree identification).
8. Visit someone who is sick.
9. Visit someone who didn’t come to church today.
10. Visit someone who might be discouraged or hurting.
11. Offer to take the children of a single parent on a nature walk.
12. Learn a new Sabbath song.
13. Write an “I missed you” post card to everyone you missed at church today.
14. Read the words to hymns.
15. Take some home-grown food to someone who might be tight financially, and stay for a brief visit.
16. Make a “family tradition” Sabbath meal – something everyone likes, but easy to fix.
17. Sing songs around the piano (yours or someone else’s).
18. Have a meal with a friend.
19. Share what the Lord means to you with your own family.
20. Read or tell Bible stories to your children.
21. Invite someone to your home that doesn’t usually get asked home with anyone.
22. Have a group over, and show slides or videos of things God has made.
23. Listen to Christian music.
24. Start a Sabbath box for children: Special things for children to only do on Sabbath. Don’t have children? Help someone who does to create one or ask several children of similar age over for Sabbath fun.
25. Play charades with Primary age children – act out Bible characters and stories.
26. Divide kids, Primary – Teens, into teams and go into nature with a pan of sand. Ask each team to illustrate a Bible story in their sand pan, using objects in nature for characters, scenes, etc. Then have each team try to guess the other team’s story.
27. Bible crosswords.
28. Bible games (available at Christian book stores.)
29. Pray alone – OUTSIDE.
30. Teach values to your children.
31. Friday evening: Have sundown worship.
32. Weekend camping trip.
33. Study a certain thing (animal, flower, etc.) that you are not very familiar with.
34. Ask children if they have any questions about your religion. Give them time and REALLY listen.
35. Study the work of angels.
36. Spend a thoughtful hour contemplating the life of Christ, especially the final scenes.
37. Pray for victory over specific sins in your life.
38. Pray for the family you plan to visit NEXT.
39. Watch the sun set in SILENCE one Sabbath.
40. Watch the sun set and talk about it next Sabbath.
41. Call someone who wasn’t at church.
42. Review notes or tapes of an evangelistic meeting you really enjoyed.
43. Tell someone what brought you to the Lord, or to join the church.
44. Share with someone else something you really enjoyed doing on the Sabbath.
45. Spend time alone with God.
46. Tell your spouse something you appreciate about him or her (in the area of religion, if possible).
47. Volunteer to tell a mission story or children’s story at church.
48. Visit a nursing home.
49. Visit prison inmates; get involved in a prison ministry if one exists in your area. If not consider starting one.
50. Men: Spend some time with a boy who doesn’t have a Father figure. Share Jesus with him after you make friends.
51. Visit an orphanage.
52. Read stories in Sabbath School handouts (such as Guide or Little Friend).
53. Think of some special request for your home in heaven, and ASK for it!
54. Try to imagine what your house will look like in heaven.
55. Think of what you would like to ask Jesus when you get to heaven.
56. Who is the next person you would like to see? What would you say?
57. Imagine the person you didn’t get along with in elementary school as your next-door-neighbor in heaven.
58. Study the Sabbath School lesson.
59. Visit a widow or shut-in.
60. Set a goal to visit/pray with everyone listed in the church directory within a year. Start today!
61. Take a tape to someone who missed the sermon.
62. Have worship outdoors.
63. Write a letter to Jesus.
64. Review your baptismal vows.
65. Start a Sabbath afternoon Story Hour for children.
66. Invite guests at church home for lunch.
67. Invite the Junior/Teen class to your home for vespers.
68. Learn a memory verse.
69. Read a portion of Scripture or listen to the Bible on tape.
70. Study a particular Bible character.
71. Invite someone home that you don’t think can return the favor.
72. Give someone a ride to church.
73. Go to vespers (sundown worship service) at church. Get involved.
74. Make a list: What are you thankful for?
75. Start a prayer request list.
76. Make written records of answers to prayer. File them, and review periodically.
77. Take spiritual magazines, books, or papers to people you think might appreciate them.
78. Study Church History.
79. Read good Christian books.
80. Friday evening: Study the stars. Use a telescope or binoculars if possible.
81. Explore a new nature trail.
82. Show your pet you care about him/her.
83. Do something for “The least of these” (Matthew 25:40).
84. Ask the pastor for a name of someone who might appreciate a Bible study or Christian friend.
85. Take a meal to a widower.
86. Show appreciation to someone that has been a blessing in your life.
87. Share an answer to prayer with someone.
88. Join a singing band and visit a local hospital or nursing home.
89. Study a parable that Jesus told.
90. Friday sundown: Turn off the lights, and use candles or fireplace to give a peaceful atmosphere.
91. Give each member of your family a note of appreciation at sundown Friday.
92. Praise the Lord!
93. Read a Psalm.
94. Spend the afternoon in a national forest. Make a list of the things that remind you of God’s love.
95. Read Revelation 21. Study the foundation stones for the Holy City. List their colors; consider their size, etc.
96. Try to imagine living where there is no sickness, death, or pain.
97. Go to church.
98. Invite someone to attend church with you.
99. Talk with the oldest member of your church about what God has done for them.
100. Decide as a family what you plan to do next Sabbath.
Glenn Holland pastors a church in the Columbia Union Conference.
Marriage and Love
“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13:7,8a
by Joanne Reese
The heart flutters. A dizzy spell discombobulates. Cold sweat begins to cause a sense of uneasiness. Does this sound like the beginning of a heart attack? Maybe so, but it can also represent a different kind of heart condition – that of love. Love can be a confusing mix of emotions, and it carries with it a variety of sentiments. A man “loves” the chance to catch a great game; a woman is incredibly affectionate about her chocolate. From a boy loving his dog, to a dog going bonkers over a ball, following the heart of love’s meaning can be quite a challenge. Love in a marriage relationship can be even harder to trail.
A couple finding themselves in the romantic stage of a relationship will make decisions based primarily on feeling. When a courtship is brand new, underneath affection, there is likely to be immaturity festering. Partners look out for what they consider to be number one – themselves. We see in the Greek language, that eros represents this facet of love, which might ask something like, “What have you done for me lately?” It indicates longing and desire. More times than not, this selfish expression of love joins a man and woman together in holy matrimony. A couple begins marriage with great hopes of finding absolute fulfillment. If eros love brings a man and his companion together, what keeps them committed past the honeymoon phase?
As the wildfire of romance settles to a small burning ember, philos love weaves its way in. In the Greek, this word is defined as friendship love, which is more foundational then love based solely on desire. Philos love asks, “How can I put the other person first?” Luke 14:10 paints a charming picture of the kind of selflessness love God commands in any type of a relationship. Jesus shares the following bit of wisdom with some guests preparing to find a seat for dinner. “But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests.” Jesus teaches about having the heart of a servant, and not thinking more highly of yourself then you should. When we choose a lowly pose, it gives God the opportunity to raise us up. Putting others first echoes God’s greatest decree. After training in the art of compromise, a married couple reaches this point of maturity. Here, the purest of all loves begins to take residence. Once invited in, how does the selfless love of God get polished and perfected?
Agape love is the result of a redecorated heart. In Beth Moore’s study “Living Beyond Yourself’”, she explains that agape love is the noblest expression of love. It is not based on passionate desire or the companionship found in a friend. “Agape love always flows from what is right and best. It is a foundational quality of the fruit Spirit”, observes Beth. The word Agape is described as the divine capacity to love. Only God is capable of love this pure. What does that say to a husband and wife trying to care for one another with cleanliness of heart? In order for the fruit of the Spirit to be lived out, a man and his wife must be connected to the Vine. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control CAN flow in and through, as a couple abides in Him. Galatians 5:22 encourages us this way: “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” We can choose to ignore the flesh, by respectfully taking one another by the hand. Far greater than the “first dance” and with vigilant stride, longtime partners can keep in step with the music of conciliation, by letting God lead.
The dance of marriage, however, is not always a smooth flowing waltz. There are several distinctions to consider when couples make the vow to love. Not long after the radiant gown is sent to the cleaners, and the reception bill paid, a couple finds that his and her needs are quite different. There are many distractions that threaten to tear at true intimacy. Work, in and outside of the home can cause stress and time constraints. Keeping up with the finances has potential to instigate a disagreement or two. Raising children? Well, that is in a league all its own. Then there are extended relationships to maintain, and let us not forget about taking care of the puppy and his beloved ball. Every interruption presents the opportunity to prioritize. With God’s help one can choose the seat of servant hood by putting a spouse first. The Spirit of God can reduce selfishness, by replacing it with obedience to God and His selfless, agape love.
A marriage relationship must grow in order to become all that God intended. Growth demands a great amount of patience when things don’t seem to be blossoming as one would hope. Trust is needed for times when everything else proves undependable. Hope keeps a light at the end of any tunnel. Perseverance maintains a couple’s desire to stick to the same partner on that dance floor. There is great assurance from the Creator of holy matrimony. God promises to never fail us.
While eros love generates the first twinge of cold palms and wooziness, philos love carries laughter and cultivates true companionship. These facets of love have their ups and downs, but it is agape love alone – God’s kind, that keeps a man and woman committed for life. As God’s lovely bride, what will you choose? His promise to purify that fluttery heart is one you can depend on. Choose the noblest of love, and take a seat in the back. In due time, God will lift you higher then you ever dreamed possible. He rises to show you compassion, and his liberation is worth the wait.
SADD – Ten Tips for Beating Depression
I heard about a woman who was suffering from depression, so her concerned husband took her to a psychiatrist. The doctor listened to the couple talk about their relationship, and then he said, “The treatment I prescribe is really quite simple.” With that, he went over to the man’s wife, gathered her up in his arms, and gave her a big kiss. He then stepped back and looked at the woman’s glowing face and broad smile. Turning to the woman’s husband, he said, “See! That’s all she needs to put new life back into her.” Expressionless, the husband said, “If you say so, Doc, I can bring her in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” 
Okay, that’s not how to treat depression, but I have a few other suggestions that make more sense. As a result of trial and error, over the course of thirty years, I’ve found ten blues battling strategies that often help me. These are not quick fixes, and this list is not exhaustive. It is also not a “must do” list.
When you’re depressed, the last thing you need is a list of expectations to live up to. Don’t stress about forcing yourself to accomplish all these things. They’re not items to be checked off a list each day. The only one that is crucial is number one. After that, you can experiment with the others as you feel able to.
1) Get the Facts and Get Help.
Web sites and books on depression abound. Find them and do some research. You need to know what you’re dealing with. Learn all you can about depression, so you can make educated decisions about your own health, learn how others cope, and find what medical treatment is available. Many books have self tests to help you determine whether you are experiencing clinical depression or temporary sadness in reaction to an event. In addition to reading everything you can get your hands on, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is seek medical help right away. Depression is much too complicated for you to solve on your own. Clinical depression is a serious medical condition that is very complicated to treat. Often it is a physical problem that requires long term medication. In my own experience, it’s taken years of medication, counseling, and practicing various self help methods to slowly emerge from it, and it’s still a daily battle.
Many people suffer needlessly from depression because they won’t consult a doctor. If you’re waiting for God to heal you, consider this: God gives scientists intelligence, which they often use to create helpful medicines; and He gives doctors wisdom to treat illnesses. Wise doctors and modern medicines are gifts from God and vehicles through which He often heals. Doctors can help you determine whether what you feel is truly depression, or if you are just reacting normally to a sad life situation.
If you’ve experienced depression, you already know it is not an illness you can “snap out of,” no matter what others may tell you. It’s not something to be ashamed of either. Depression can be a serious physical illness caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals or other factors. Like any serious medical condition, depression needs to be treated. Without the proper treatment, none of my suggested coping strategies will do any good.
2) Get Focused.
Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness pervade the life of a depressed person. The opposite of depression is a hopeful attitude. Focusing on hope and developing a hopeful heart is a must. It can be accomplished in a couple ways. One way is to search the Bible for the numerous Scriptures that tell how God has helped those who felt hopeless.
It’s helpful to memorize verses like these:
- Hebrews 4:15 (For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin.)
- 2 Corinthians 4:8 & 9 (All-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.)
- Matthew 6:34 (Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.)
- Isaiah 41:10 (Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.)
- John 14:27 (Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.).The story of Job and the book of Psalms are the most worn pages in my Bible. While at my lowest, I’ve read and re-read them more times than I can count. My fridge and the mirrors in my house are covered with sticky notes reminding me of how God intervenes in the lives of His people.Another way to focus on hope is by practicing positive self talk. This simply means telling yourself good things. I made a list for myself of positive affirmations like “God cares and understands my pain. God values me. God is giving me strength. I am made in God’s image. I can choose my attitude. I choose not to put myself down. I’m a worthwhile person. I have a purpose. I enjoy life. I choose to be happy and I am competent.” If you struggle with depression, I think you’ll find it helpful to write down as many of these affirmations as you can think of and read them every day. Even if they’re not currently true or you don’t really believe them, it’s okay. Say them to yourself anyway. Your mind will come to believe what you tell it, so tell it you are already the type of person you want to become. Be sure to remind yourself often that God is with you and He is pouring his strength on you. “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance. …For You are the God of my strength…” (Psalm 42:5 and 43:2 NKJV)2 Corinthians 4:18 says we need to “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Focusing on positive, heavenly things rather than earthly things will keep the feelings of hopelessness at bay.3) Get Friendly.
Fellowship with other people is a mood lifter. Being alone is the worst thing you can do when you’re depressed. Unfortunately, it’s usually the very thing I want most. Depression grows best in isolation. I find it very difficult to get out and socialize when I’m depressed, but if I push myself to do it, I’m almost always glad later. Some ideas for socializing include joining a club, taking a class, inviting someone to meet you for lunch, or visiting a nursing home to chat with the residents there. It especially helps me to be with friends who enjoy the same hobbies I do. Shopping, watching movies, and rubber stamping are some of the things I enjoy doing alone, but they’re twice as much fun when I do them with friends.
4) Get Giggling.
I collect cartoons and funny newspaper columns. I visit humor web sites online, watch funny movies, and read funny books. Best of all is laughing with friends. One of the reasons I enjoy my grandson so much is because he makes me laugh. I can act goofy with him and let go of my inhibitions. We dance and sing and make up silly rhymes. I have photographs of us wearing funny glasses with big black mustaches. I laugh every time I look at those. Laughing affects brain chemicals. It releases endorphins, which make you feel good. Chocolate does the same thing, but a good laugh is less fattening.
A friend of mine, who had a very frustrating job, told me that one day she was inspired by someone who had a huge, bright smile. She decided to emulate that woman and smile at everyone she encountered. Right away, she realized that smiling was addictive. It seemed to make the time pass more quickly and she found herself less frustrated and more at peace. She told me, “It sounds corny, but it really works!”
Paul wrote, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4 NKJV) I’ve heard that a person can act her way into feeling better. Act happy, act glad, and it helps you to feel happy and glad. Paul exhibited this truth in his own life. Acts 16 tells how Paul and Silas were attacked, beaten, locked in stocks, and thrown into solitary confinement. Yet, at midnight, what were they doing? Feeling sorry for themselves? Asking God, “Why?” Moaning and complaining like I do? No, they were singing! Sure they were suffering, but they knew they were children of God. Paul may have even been remembering his personal encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus. (Acts 22:10) They were praising God because they had been rescued from their sins, filled by the Holy Spirit, and added to God’s family. No jailer could take that away. That was worth being grateful for, no matter what else happened to them. Even if they were to be killed, it would only send them to heaven. So why should they fear? That’s some awesome faith, isn’t it?
5) Get Rhythm.
When I feel a case of the gloomies descending, that is not the time to play melancholy music. Positive upbeat tunes are in order — the sort of music you might hear at a parade or a circus. Music gets your toes tapping and your blood flowing. It makes you want to sing. Singing and dancing sends a message to your brain that you’re happy. Your brain is an actualizer. Whatever it “thinks” is true, it works to bring about. This is why positive thinking works. You tell yourself, “I’m happy” often enough and your brain accepts it as fact. It actualizes that truth, making it happen. I’ve found that when depression takes hold of me, I tend to ruminate on negative thoughts. Listening to good, Christian music with positive lyrics helps to pour good things into my brain and crowd those negative things out. There’s a list of good things to ponder in the fourth chapter of Paul’s letter to the Philippian church. It says to think about whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, noble, right, or admirable. Philippians 4:8 says, “If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” Christian music helps me accomplish this.
6) Get Busy
We all need to feel like we’re involved in something significant. We need to participate in something outside ourselves. You might consider volunteering at a local women’s shelter or food pantry. I’ve enjoyed both and discovered that when I stay busy helping others and concentrating on their problems, I get a break from focusing on my own troubles. This is how HUGS and HOPE began. It started with a small effort to make a difference for one family and it grew. I’ve learned that joy boomerangs. When you give it away, it comes back to you. Helping others gives you the heart-warming satisfaction of knowing you are making a difference in the world. That will elevate your mood as well as your self esteem.
7) Get Physical
This is two-fold. Physical exercise is good for us, but physical contact is equally important. Our bodies need to move to be healthy, and going for a walk is the easiest exercise for me to do when I’m depressed. It doesn’t require as much energy and motivation as other activities. Breathing the fresh air and looking at the beauty of nature can be helpful, and taking my dog along is even better. Just watching his ears flop as he bounces down the road in front of me often brings a smile to my face.
Exercise affects brain chemicals, and the healing touch of physical closeness does too. If you’re depressed, hug somebody – anybody, everybody! A hug is good medicine. It reduces stress and tension and it boosts your immunity to illness. Hugs raise self esteem and lower blood pressure. They feel good and make people happy. And they’re free! Hugs are the universal language that communicates love and acceptance. They’re healthy for the “hugger” as well as the “hugee.”
Get QuietI need to lean heavily on God’s word and spend time with Him. When I pray, I talk things over with God. When I read the Bible and meditate on it, I hear Him speak to me and I contemplate what He says. I’ve found this to be one of the best anti-depressants there is. However, I need to add a word of caution here. Too much solitude can worsen depression. Isolating yourself and avoiding people can make depression grow. Don’t use meditation time as an excuse to avoid human contact. Time with God is of the utmost importance, but balance between quiet time alone and time spent with others is essential.
9) Get Forgiveness – And Give it Too!
I’ve read that many psychiatrists agree that depression is guilt or anger turned inward. David is an example of someone whose guilt led to depression. After committing adultery, he wrote, “When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.” (Psalm 32:3-4)
Sin makes you feel bad, but when you receive God’s forgiveness, your guilt is removed; and often depression is removed too.
Depression can sometimes be caused from the need to forgive someone else or yourself (whomever is making you angry). Grudges cause feelings of frustration, which aggravate the hopeless feelings of depression. When we forgive, we let go of past hurts and give up bitterness. Then depression has no negativity on which to feed. If you free yourself from feelings of hate and open yourself up to feelings of love, you may feel as if the depression is physically lifting off your shoulders.
My friend Nance went through a difficult divorce, which left her bitter about the past, anxious about the future, and miserable in general. She harbored a lot of grudges and guilt, and she worried constantly. She felt the need to control everything in her life, yet she knew she couldn’t. After attending a women’s retreat, Nance realized what her negativity was doing to her.She released her worries, fears, anger, and resentments at the foot of the cross. Then she felt a renewal in her heart. She was happy and at peace.
When she was dying, Nance told me that the most difficult thing she’d ever had to do was forgive – both her ex-husband and herself — for past mistakes. She said forgiving was even harder than dying!
Forgiveness isn’t a simple one time event. It’s a process that often takes time (sometimes years), but it’s an important step to healing. Jesus taught forgiveness when he said we’d be forgiven in the same way we forgive others, and when he told Peter we should forgive, not seven times, but seventy times seven. Of course, Jesus also lived forgiveness. While hanging on the cross, he looked at his torturers and said, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
10) Get Thankful.
When I’m depressed, I need to make a conscious effort to count my blessings. An attitude of hopelessness and discontent has a hard time competing with an attitude of gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:28 says, “In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” It’s important to remember that depression is not fatal and it doesn’t last forever. You WILL survive! Remind yourself that this cloud of despair will pass eventually. It may seem like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, but trust that there is; and be thankful for that, as you wait for the light to appear.
So, while kisses from your husband (or a psychiatrist) may be great, they can’t cure depression. But along with medication and the proper treatment, now you have some practical steps you can take for your own well being. There are times when one of these strategies may be more helpful than the rest. Other times, it may seem that none of them makes a huge difference. But I keep practicing all of them anyway, because I know they are steps toward a healthier lifestyle. Following them on a regular basis may not eliminate depression forever, but they help me to minimize their severity.
These tips can be helpful for people who are not depressed too. They can be useful for anyone who is a little discouraged, a little blue, or needs to refocus on more positive things in life.
I hope that by trying these ideas you may find yourself on the way to experiencing more joy.
Marsha Jordan is founder of a nonprofit charity helping critically ill children (The HUGS and HOPE Foundation). Her inspirational essays, which were originally written for parents of sick kids, are now available in book form and illustrated with drawings created by kids battling for life. In Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter, Jordan combines hope with humor, drawing upon her experience of living with chronic pain and depression. She shares everyday experiences, lessons she’s learned from them, and practical coping skills. Once an active and energetic mom, Jordan’s busy schedule came to a screeching halt when she fell victim to a connective tissue disease, causing migraines, fatigue, fibromyalgia, and joint pain. Due to complications of the illness, she was also struck blind. She knows how it feels to be sick, in pain and afraid.
Setting Financial Goals
by Teresa Kaufman
Setting financial goals is the single most important thing you can do to take control of your finances. Your life can’t go according to plan if you don’t have a plan. You will continue to spend every penny you earn if you don’t plan for where you want that money to go.
Now more than ever we have to plan for our own futures. Approximately 70 million baby boomers will reach retirement age within the next 10 years. That is going to put an enormous strain on the already strained social security system.
Alan Greenspan, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, has stated that in order to keep this strained system going, the retirement age will have to be raised or the benefits will have to be cut back. The ever ballooning Federal Deficit is the main cause.
It would be my guess that both of those things will happen and more. If social security is even around in another ten to twenty years, I’ll be surprised. The government’s plans for it are kind of up in the air right now. The President would like to have us invest our own contributions. I would imagine that a program like that will take quite a bit of time and money to set up.
If you are looking at those social security statements you get every year a few months before your birthday, and making that part of your future financial planning by expecting that money to be there, you could be left holding an empty bag when you reach retirement age.
There was a time when our parents and grand parents could survive on their pension and social security and have it pretty good. Especially, if their homes were paid off. This is no longer true.
Many companies do not give pensions anymore, they have 401K plans instead. Due to inflation and an increasing amount of consumer credit card debt, many people do not contribute as much as they should or they make withdrawals when the have a problem come up.
It is for this reason that setting financial goals and having a plan to work toward, is so important. You need to set short term, medium term and long term goals.
The short term goal might be paying down your credit card debt, the medium term goal might be planning that family vacation you’ve always dreamed about but could never afford because of the debt, the long term goal might be a certain dollar amount set aside for retirement or that piece of property that you want to build the home you want to retire to on.
In order to start setting goals you need to ask yourself some questions. You also need to be realistic. If you set the goals too high at the beginning, you won’t stick with it. You can always raise each goal and set new ones as you reach them. You won’t do that if you set them too high at the beginning and then give up because they were totally unrealistic and unreachable.
If setting goals in new to you and you don’t have any idea where to start, get a piece of paper out and make a wish list. Again, be as realistic as possible. If you are only making minimum wage and your wish is to buy a BMW or a Jaguar in the next year and you already have other expenses, it’s not going to happen unless you also plan on increasing your income.
When you are making your wish list, you should also write down in how many years you would like to see it happen and approximately how much money it will take to fulfill this wish. Then decide the order of importance of your list. Which wish you would like to work on first, next etc. If you are single, this is your starting point.
If you are married or have a partner, you should both work on your own lists. Then you should compare them and make compromises so you can both get as much of what you want as possible. Then work on the order in which you will work on these goals.
The most important step in setting goals is implementing them. Making a list is fine, but if you stick it in a drawer with your paperwork and forget about it, it won’t do you any good. They have to be something that you really want and are willing to make changes and adjustments in your life in order to set money aside for them.
A dream will always be just a dream if you don’t have a plan of action to turn it into a goal and then to make that goal a reality. You need to keep that list with you or keep it where you can see it a few times a day. Look at it as often as possible. Keep thinking of where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Think about what it’s going to take to get there and the ways that you can accomplish those goals.
You don’t get a promotion or a raise at work without putting in the effort to prove you deserve it. Your dreams will not turn into reality if you put them someplace and forget about them. You have to be willing to put the time, effort and motivation that you use in other things into making your financial goals come true.
You can face your financial future and make it better. Whether your finances are in okay shape and you would like them to be better or whether you are having temporary difficulties. You just need to have a plan and the determination and desire to follow it through.
Teresa Kaufman Owner/Creator: http://www.yourdollarsandsense-budgets.com/.
Standard Operating Manual
Nine years or so ago, my husband began a new career as a civilian mariner. This left me at home to raise our three children on my own for roughly nine months out of the year. In addition to rearing them, I also home school them. During this time, I have learned much about organization, scheduling, commitment to my own career path (a homemaker) and a myriad of other things as well. I feel as though I have been successful. Our oldest daughter says that I “make that proverbs 31 gal look downright lazy!” Recently, however, I had an experience that caused me to realize that I needed to have these things written down somewhere. I call it a ‘Nelson 101’. For years, my husband, John, has said that I am the Captain of this particular ship (our home) so he now calls this book ‘Standard Operating Procedure’. Evidently, on the ship, there is a book that has all things regarding how to run everything on board from cleaning to emergencies.
Two days before John returned from sea, I began to get ill. Nine days later, I was hospitalized. Ten days after that, I had surgery and have since been recovering. This has left John in quite a predicament. He scarcely even knows where the drinking glasses are, more or less than how to run our home. It occurred to me that had he been in the middle of the ocean, a relative would have had to come and stay with the children and though it was difficult for John, it would’ve been more difficult for someone else to come in and take over. As soon as I was able, I began to sit and write.
I began by addressing housework. Our home is large and as with all homes, there are things that must be done every single day so that chaos does not prevail. I started with a page for each room and began listing what must be done daily. I moved on to weekly and monthly lists. There are subheaders that involve the detailed ‘how to’.
At first, I thought that this might be overkill, but the Lord really spoke to me about this. When I became a wife, I did not know how to do some things. I was blessed that I had a mentor who taught me how. This is a very similar situation. Though my children have been properly trained, in housework, my husband has not been. 13 pages later, I moved on.
The book now includes not only how to properly clean each room, but also what is required of yardwork and when, a monthly inventory of our pantry and freezer, a staple shopping list, how to plan a menu and how to shop. There is a how to do laundry list because washing whites is a lot different than throwing your jeans into the washer. There are medical history pages, pet pages, pages for bills…the how much, where to, when and account numbers. There is a section for our calendar, which I printed out on the computer as blank calendar pages and sat filling in for each month for the rest of the year. There is a section for each child; their chores, responsibilities, punishments that have been effective, character strengths and weaknesses and also their schooling. The book is massive. I had a lot of time to be able to do this while I was recovering.
I’ve had John look through the book and he believes that it is now an invaluable tool for our home. I realize that not everyone has a spouse who is gone for 9 out of 12 months of the year, but honestly, if something were to keep you from your work, would your spouse be like mine? Would he wring his hands and not know where to begin? Even the children love the idea of this book. They know exactly what is expected of them and when. There is no guesswork and no room for debate. It’s all there in black and white. They’ve even said that they will have a SOP for their own homes and will probably just photocopy my ‘how to’ pages!
When I was fully recovered, I was able to move about in a well maintained home with a fully stocked pantry and a husband who can now cook and do laundry. Several times, he has come to me in such a humble and loving way and thanked me for all that I do in the home. He said that he always took it for granted that everything was clean, his laundry just ‘magically appeared’ folded in his drawers and the coffee was always hot. He’d never thought about what it took for these things to occur.
I’ve forgotten to mention the first page of this book. I wrote about how every single day, I get up very early and dedicate the day, my life, my family and my work to the Lord. It is never without His strength that I am able to accomplish all that needs to be done. I am so grateful for His many blessings, including my family and the ability to serve them.
I encourage each woman to write her own ‘Standard Operating Procedure’. The Lord not only wants for us to be orderly and productive, but He requires us to prepare for the future. You just never know what each day will bring.
Joyfully, Julie Nelson
Julie Nelson lives in Southern Illinois with her husband, John, their 3 children, Miquelie, Mollie and Maxwell, ages 14, 12 and 10. They have been a home schooling family for 9 years. Photo Credit: Oliver Gruener
