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The Heart of Her Husband
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just 14 days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his heart lie in fear of what is coming?
- Do you respect your husband?
- Do you pray for your husband?
- Are you a home maker?
- Can your husband trust you?
- Are you thankful?
- Do you go out of your way to be thoughtful to your husband?
- Do you have a habit of nagging your husband?
- Express your love with love notes.
- Do you manipulate your husband?
- Do you expect your husband to be perfect?
- Men are basically easy to please. Feed them good food, keep the house clean, and give them plenty of…
- What do you cook for your husband?
- You love your husband when you love your kids.
- Are you a helpmeet?
Protect your marriage. Protect the heart of your husband!
Your Beloved
From Chaos to Calm: Day Fifteen
Your Beloved
Scripture Memory: “My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.” Song of Songs 2:16
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After a while married life can get in the way of your love life! I touched on this yesterday, but I want to reinforce the importance of romantic love between you and your husband.
If you have never really read the book, Song of Songs, in the Bible, you really should! God created romance and passion. Marriage is supposed to be physically and emotionally satisfying.
As a Godly woman and as a Godly wife, you should spend time each day focusing your thoughts and efforts on your husband. Get your heart ready to receive his love in the evenings or whenever you are together. Give your love to him. Show him your love – not just with your words, but with your actions.
You have heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words.” This is certainly true when it comes to your husband. If you tell him you love him but then never accept his advances or initiate intimacy, he will feel neglected and even unloved.
Focus your heart toward him. Think of those special moments you and your hubby have shared together in the past. Just by thinking about your love and reasons why you love him will help you feel more like connecting with him on a physical basis when he is home.
A fun way to build intimacy together would be to read one chapter of the Song of Songs each night before going to bed. Talk about what you like about each other, how you like to be touched, what things you would like to do together, your dreams and common goals. Look forward to your future together. Set up a promise of love and commitment each night and pray together.
If you feel uncomfortable praying out loud with your husband (very common) practice praying out loud when you have your morning devotions. Learn to open up and be vulnerable with your husband. There is nothing more intimate than praying together!
By praying together you will be less likely to experience the sorrow of divorce, adultery, or other trauma in your marriage. Set the tone for your relationship. Problems don’t always go away immediately, but by changing your own attitude toward your husband, you will see a difference.
Loving Others
From Chaos to Calm: Day Fourteen
Loving Others
Scripture Memory: “As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.” John 13:35
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These days everyone has a “touchy feely” attitude. In other words everyone wants to feel good and not offend anyone. I admit, I have been guilty of it myself! However, I was thinking that this feeling of everything goes, anything is okay, isn’t the way we as Christian women should live our lives. Sometimes you just have to say it like it is.
Very few people do not look out for themselves. Yes, you might not like yourself at times. You may even be going through hard times and feel depressed constantly. You may have been like me – the shy child in school who was always picked on mercilessly. However, 0nce you can come to the place where you know God loves you more than anyone else ever will (I mean really know), you will be okay with yourself! I can remember a time in my life where I was so depressed I even contemplated suicide. It was a horrendous time in my life. I had to learn to forgive myself and accept God’s forgiveness. When I realized that, it was as though the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders!
The Bible says that we are to die to our selves. We are to not be self serving and self centered. We are instead to serve others. I certainly don’t intend this to offend anyone, but I do believe that having a “woe is me” attitude is self serving. I have been there! When you feel miserable, when you are unhappy or depressed you have an out – a reason why you can’t commit to better things.
It is possible to have a inner joy and peace even in the midst of crisis and turmoil. “Happy is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God.” Psalm 146:5 (RSV) “Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.” Habakkuk 3:18
I am not saying you should never be sad, angry, or unhappy. What I am saying is that even in the middle of tragedy or pain we should rejoice in our Savior. We should be filled with a peace and a joy that is only found through Jesus Christ. If you feel no different than the rest of the world when bad things happen – you need to work on your personal relationship with Christ!
I believe the key to loving our selves is loving others. When you love others – when you serve others – your own heart will open up to receive more of the love of Christ. You will begin to see a transformation in your own spirit and your own outlook on life. Christ came not to be served but to serve others. We are to follow in His footsteps!
Be joyful! Serve your family and your neighbors joyfully. You will feel better about your own self worth!
Money Matters
From Chaos to Calm: Day Thirteen
Money Matters
Scripture Memory: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” Proverbs 31:11
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Yesterday we discussed being dependable and trustworthy. Today, I want to focus on the second portion of the verse above.
In some families, mom takes care of the majority of the finances. In others, dad is the one who makes the decisions. Regardless of who pays the bills or manages the budget, it is up to you to be faithful with the money that your husband has given you control of.
I have known wives who simply ran their husbands into the poor house because of the “need” to shop and have pretty, new clothes or household items. For a husband, money is always a concern. Will he make enough to pay for all the expenses? Will he be able to save for a nice retirement? Can he provide his bride with all the pretty things her heart desires?
Most men, at least in the beginning, want to please their wives with nice things. It can be demoralizing for man if he feels his wife is not pleased with the amount of material possessions he is able to provide given his talents and career.
So, it is important that you use money wisely and with discretion. Do not purchase items that you truly do not need. If your closet is already packed with clothes that fit and are in good shape, resist the urge to go shopping for excess.
If you have been given a budget of $500 to purchase groceries and other household items each month, see how much money you can save and put in the bank. Just because you have been given that much money, does not mean you must spend every penny! It is always better to save money than to spend money.
Do you ever feel guilty after a purchase because you know your husband would not approve? It is never a good idea to hide your spending from your husband. Show him that you are capable of making wise financial choices and he is more likely to give you greater freedom in spending money.
If your husband has a difficult time controling his own spending, you can help him by being practical and faithful with your own spending. Discuss the possibility of setting up a household budget with your husband. Write up a possible budget that he can tweak in order to get the ball rolling.
One of the easiest methods of controlling spending is by using the “envelope” system. Determine the amount of income you have. Allot monies toward bills and other regular spending categories such as tithing, groceries, rent, insurance, and gasoline. Place the allotted money in a marked envelope for each month. When the money is gone, don’t take from another envelope, you have reached your limit. This method can be helpful for both the husband and wife. If your budget allows, give each spouse a practical amount of money that is for his or her own enjoyment and that you do not have to be held accountable to the other spouse.
The Proverbs 31 woman’s husband did not have to worry about his wife’s spending habits because he knew she was frugal and sought out the best value for her money. He also knew that she would not make decisions about large purchases without consulting him. Give your husband the respect he deserves and discuss large purchases with him before the fact! Honor his decision, even if you do not agree.
Whatever you financial situation, ask God to hold you accountable AND help you to be content. List any resentment or difficulties you have when it comes to money. Add these to your daily prayer list for the next week or until your feel in your heart that the issues have been resolved.
The Heart of Her Husband
From Chaos to Calm: Day Twelve
The Heart of Her Husband
Scripture Memory: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” Proverbs 31:11
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Trust
Trust is a powerful influence in our marriages. When we commit our lives to one man, we have made a commitment to be trustworthy. The most obvious form of trust in a marriage involves the bounds of monogamy. We trust that our spouse will remain faithful physically as well as emotionally to us.
This means that as wives, we will not allow ourselves to become involved with other men in any manner which would bring harm to our marriage relationship. The easiest way to not have an emotional or even physical affair is to never be alone with another man. Never confide your problems in another man. If you become emotionally dependant on someone other than your husband and God you are setting yourself up to be led astray. Remember that your husband is the head of you, just as Christ is the head of the church.
If you do become involved with a man other than your husband you will cause him pain, dishonor, hurt, and he will no longer trust you. You will risk losing your husband as well as your children and everything you hold dear. It is much better to simply “play it safe” and stay away from danger!
While adultery is one of the most painful forms of breaking trust there are many other ways we can cause our husbands to not trust us.
Are you dependable?
Can your husband know that if he needs to bring a co-worker home that the house will be reasonably neat? We will be looking at this in depth in a few days, but for now simply think about it. If your husband goes to work each day, can he trust that you will take care of your duties to the best of your ability?
If your husband asks you to make a phone call, do you forget? Do you think ahead and make plans to iron his shirts before they are needed?
Can he trust that your moods will remain relatively even most of the time and that he knows what to expect when he comes home? Or must he wonder what is in store for his arrival?
Do you make sure that basic items in your home are stocked for use? Do you run out of toothpaste or toilet paper unexpectedly? Do you have on hand his favorite drink or snacks if this is what pleases him?
Are you unorganized and lose papers, bills, or other documents on a regular basis? Do you fight to find socks or lose his favorite shorts in the pile?
Are you a thoughtful mother?
A husband knows his wife loves him by how well she treats his children. If you are always at your wits end, frustrated, yelling, crying, or just plain too busy to pay attention to the children what message is your husband receiving?
- Do you insure that your children are clean and well groomed?
- Do you speak softly and lovingly to your children when they need correction or do you punish them out of anger?
- Do you feed your children well, or are you sloppy with their nourishment?
- Do you train your children in the Lord’s way, or do you find it to be too hard?
Do you spend money unwisely?
So many women are guilty of spending money on wasteful items that bring little enjoyment, little value, and little worth to their homes.
Can your husband trust you to look for ways to save money on groceries? Can he trust you to do your best to see that food is not wasted due to not preparing it before it spoils or due to not using up what is left over?
Can your husband trust you not to spend too much money on food items that are weak and provide little to no nutrients for your family?
Can your husband trust you not to spend money lavishly on clothes, household items, or entertainment simply because you love to spend money? Or do you find yourself inventing ways to use up the money you have?
Can your husband trust you not to run him into debt?
As wives we should endeavor to be trustworthy in running our households – whether that means shopping for new clothes and groceries, caring for the little ones, or caring for our husbands needs.
Today, I simply want you to make a note of a few things you know you have been lacking on your part that might cause your husband not to trust you completely. We will be talking more about making lists and how list making can help you later in the challenge.
For today, make a list of things you need to remember – husband’s dry cleaning, children’s doctor’s appointments, groceries, etc. Keep it in a handy place, such as the kitchen counter or up on the refrigerator. Go back to it as often as possible to insure that you will not forget the little things that can mean so much.
Pray for a dependable spirit. Ask God to make you a trustworthy mate for your husband and for the will power to be reliable.
Do You Have a Critical Spirit?
From Chaos to Calm: Day Eleven
Do You Have a Critical Spirit?
Scripture Memory: “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12
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Let’s be honest here. How often are you critical of your husband? This is such a huge issue for many women. I have seen women too often demoralize their husbands. Women may become so used to criticizing their husbands that it seems to be the only way they relate to their husbands.
It can be hard to point the finger back at ourselves. Admitting that we have failed our husbands is not an easy thing to do! But admitting we need to change is the first step in becoming better wives – better women in Christ!
Think about these situations:
· Your husband is talking and you correct him.
· You husband has an idea and you tell him it is dumb.
· You are out with your friends and all you can do is complain about how your husband never meets your needs, never helps around the house, or is clueless when it comes to being a dad.
· You don’t allow your husband to speak for himself.
· You tell your husband what to do as in, “I’m the boss and you are not.”
· You object when your husband disciplines the children.
· You disrespect your husband in front of the children.
· You call your husband unkind names.
· You belittle his efforts to provide for you.
· You do not honor your husband’s simple requests like, “Would you iron my shirt?”
· You roll your eyes when he tells you something.
· You sigh and roll over when he attempts to be close to you at night.
· You say, “I didn’t ask you.”
· You say, “You don’t know what you are talking about!” or “Why don’t you just be quiet?”
· You are lazy at home while he is at work and dishonor him.
These are just a few situations that may have come up in your married life. Take a good look at yourself today and determine to speak in a way that will uplift him daily. The Bible says, “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24. Bless your husband with goodness all the days of his life.
Today, I want you to pray about your own attitude toward your husband. Whether you are critical only on occasion or to the point you have been verbally abusing your husband, having a critical spirit is never pleasing to the Lord. Ask God for forgiveness. In your prayer journal, I want you to list some of the ways you have recently been critical of your husband. Then, I want you to list at least ten ways you can show your husband respect him. Ask God to help you see the good in him instead of the bad. Last, I want you to kneel before your husband and ask his forgiveness. Tell him how much you love him and strive to bite your tongue before you speak.
“The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words.”
Proverbs 15:26
Be an Encouragement
From Chaos to Calm: Day Ten
Be An Encouragement
Scripture Memory: “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12
Photo Credit: Elke Rohn
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I want you to really look at the verse above. This is such a powerful and important verse. As a wife, this pertains strictly to you! We will be focusing on this verse for the next few days. Be sure to copy it into your prayer journal and read it daily! You might even want to print it onto a pretty piece of paper and stick it up on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror or someplace where you will see it often during the day.
I love the chapter of Proverbs 31. It reminds me of who God wants me to be – not who the world would have me be. “She will do him good all the days of her life.” I should ask myself this question each evening – Have I blessed my husband today with goodness or have I treated him poorly today? Reflect on that thought in the evening and if the answer is not one you like, wake up the following day with a determination to change.
Today, I want to focus specifically on encouragement. Are you an encouragement to your husband? When your husband goes out into the world and works hard, he is often bombarded by negativity. He may work with people who are not Christians. He may hear foul language on a regular basis. He might even be faced with temptations through out the day that you are completely unaware of.
When he comes home is he faced with more of the same? Do you rebuke his efforts to provide a good life for your family by being disgruntled in the evening and having a “woe is me” attitude?
Pay attention to the things you say. If you have complaints about your day, take them to the Lord in prayer. Do not unload them on your husband when he comes home. No one wants to come home to a list of unfortunate events.
You may have had a bad day. But what impression are you giving your husband if all you do when he walks in the door is cry, pout, or complain about:
· the unruly children
· the mess in the house
· the toilet that the two year old clogged
· the fact that you were lonely
· the lack of material possessions you want
· the fact that you think he should be making more money
· and the list could go on and on and on!
Remember how you believed in him when you first got married? You believed he was a great
Your Desire Shall Be
From Chaos to Calm: Day Nine
Your Desire Shall be for Your Husband
Scripture Memory: “Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Genesis 3:16
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When a woman first meets the man she falls in love with, her heart is full of excitement, joy, peace, and passion. She counts the minutes until she sees him again. She longs for him to be by her side in all that she does. She does little things for him that she knows will make him happy. She flirts and smiles and is generally pleasant to be around.
So what happens once she has been married for a while? Suddenly, his little quirky behaviors that she once thought were “cute” are not cute any more. Over the course of weeks, months, and years she realizes that her knight in shining armor is not so shiny any longer. And suddenly she may feel that she has been short changed.
The woman might not even realize that her feelings toward him have affected the way she treats him. Because he has disappointed her, she no longer wants to run to the door with kisses and warm smiles. In fact, she may come to a point where she avoids his touch and kisses altogether.
Affection and intimate moments may become routine or something that she “must” do to insure that her husband does not “wander.” And she may hear her husband complain that she never wants him any more.
In this instance, it is likely that the wife is not always respectful of her husband as we discussed yesterday. This disrespect can lead to more hurt feelings and more feelings of disappointment. Her husband will not feel loved because she rejects his physical love and she does not honor him in his own home.
It will come as no surprise to most married women that as time goes on, often the romance fades. A woman may have a hard working man who comes home every night but if she does not feel that emotional connection, she simply won’t feel as inclined to be intimate with her husband. Yet, a husband when he feels that emotional connection slipping away, he wants to reconnect with his wife through physical love and touch.
The Bible tells us, “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control. This is only my suggestion. It’s not meant to be an absolute rule.” 1 Corinthians 7:4-6 (NLT)
If you have a habit of denying your husband the pleasure of your touch and of your body, you are making a mistake! You and your husband need that time together. If your husband is not happy with the amount of lovemaking going on in your bedroom, you need to spend time in
prayer over this matter. A husband who is sexually satisfied is a happy husband!
God created sex to be sacred. You are missing out on a true spiritual blessing if you don’t make room in your heart for physical connection with your husband. Think about your motives. Why do you usually deny your husband?
If you are tired – every night – perhaps you should go to bed earlier, or take a nap. If you have resentment in your heart, you may not feel like being intimate with him. Why do you resent him? Pray for a forgiving spirit. If you avoid kissing your husband during the day, ask yourself why?
Do not withhold your love from your husband. Ask for God’s blessing on your marriage as well as those intimate moments. Surprise your husband with a night he will remember. Try some of the following suggestions:
- Greet him at the door with a smile a 15 second kiss and a warm hug. Tell him how happy you are that he is home.
- Run a bubble bath for him and fluff his towel in the dryer so it is warm when he gets out. Light some candles so he can relax.
- Get a baby sitter if possible and have a candle light dinner for him. Make his favorite meal.
- Clean your bedroom of all clutter if needed and put fresh scented sheets on the bed. Light candles. Have fluted glasses filled with sparkling cider. Serve him homemade chocolate covered strawberries in bed.
- Dress in a pretty night gown and wear a pretty shade of lip gloss. Wear your hair down. Spend at least 30 minutes seducing him.
- Wake your husband with a back rub in the morning and a warm breakfast. Help him dress and be sure his clothes are wrinkle free the night before.
- Tell him how wonderful he is and how lucky you are to have a hard working man in your life. Make him feel like a king. He might wonder where his real wife went! However, with some time and effort and prayer he will begin to romance you and treat you like his queen!
Ask God to give you a sincere desire to please your husband in and out of the bedroom. Your marriage will be blessed. Use your morning prayer time to focus on your precious husband. Continue to get up early every morning!
Wives Submit to Your Husbands
From Chaos to Calm: Day Eight
Wives Submit to Your Husbands
Scripture Memory: “Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1
Photo Credit: Andreas Krappweis
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I want you to really look at your marriage. In your prayer journal write down at least ten things you love about your husband. Then write down a few things in your marriage you know could use some work. Ask God to show you how YOU can change to make your marriage better. Remember, this week is not about how to change your husband so you have a happy marriage. It is about how YOU can change to become the wife your husband needs you to be as well as how you can become the wife God wants you to be.
In Genesis 3:16, after the fall of man, we find God speaking to Adam and Eve, giving them instructions about what was to come when they left their garden home. God addressed Eve and told her that her desire would be for her husband – and that her husband would rule over her.
Before you bristle with thoughts such as – “BUT, we are equals!” 0r “NO ONE rules over me!” or “There is no way I will ever let anyone walk all over me!” – I want you to just sit and be quiet for a few minutes and really think about it. This is God’s design for a happy marriage. God’s ways are not our ways. The Bible says, “He that keepeth the commandment keepeth his own soul; but he that despiseth his ways shall die.” Proverbs 19:16
Here in the very beginning of time, God has commanded the woman to desire her husband and submit to him. This can be so hard, I know! However, the blessings that come when you submit to your husband are plentiful.
Submission does not mean that you allow your husband to verbally or physically abuse you. Submission does not mean that you do everything your husband says if he is asking you to break God’s law. Submission does not mean your husband does not have an obligation to treat you with love and respect.
Submission does mean you do not complain about the decisions he makes. If you have a different opinion, you are free to voice it in a loving and calm way. However, if you husband does not agree, you need to leave it be – even if it means he has to learn the hard way!
You are to respect your husband in your daily living. As a Godly wife, you will not nag him, talk down to him, treat him like one of the children, or even make fun of him.
You should never correct your husband in public. If he is telling a story and he gets a point wrong, fight the urge to show how much smarter you think you are! Allow him the freedom to talk without correction.
Today’s Scripture memory says, “Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1
When you show your husband respect you are ultimately setting a Christ like example to
him. By showing him respect, his own heart will be converted. How powerful that verse above is! You have the power to win your husband to Christ! Simply by showing him respect, honor and love!
Men feel loved when they are respected. Allow your husband to wear the pants! Have you ever seen a couple that you just know the husband is “hen pecked?” In this type of relationship, the wife often comes across as bossy, arrogant, and in control. Whereas, the husband comes across as wimpy, sheep-like, and beaten down. Not very attractive, huh?
In your daily prayers ask God to show you how to be submissive toward your husband. Ask him to show you when you step out of bounds. In my house, my husband is the boss – even if I do not agree with him. Funny enough, every time I have been disagreeable about an important decision he has made, God has shown me how wrong I was when I look back and realize my husband made just the right decision! It can be humbling!
If your husband makes chronically bad decisions, poor choices, or is undisciplined in his life, pray for him. Ask God to give your husband wisdom in his daily experience. Ask God to bless him with sound judgment. Ask God to show him when he errs. If a husband makes a bad decision and has to face the consequences, i.e. losing money on a deal, there will be little need for you to say, “I told you so! How could you be so stupid!” He will already know.
How much loving would it be for you to instead say, “Let’s pray about this together. I am sorry things didn’t go the way you envisioned.” And follow up with daily prayer for him during your morning prayers.
I want you to end your devotion with a special prayer for your husband. Write it down in your journal. You might want to pray about:
- his day
- his work
- his health
- his mind
- his integrity
- his self-worth
Finally, pray for your own wisdom – that you might be the wife your husband needs you to be.
Are you a helpmeet?
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18
In today’s society, the word HELPMEET is often met with derision and contempt. Even within Christian circles, the idea that woman was created for man can bring about heated discussions and controversy. I think the problem very well lies within the interpretation of the word.
Helpmeet very simply means to be a helper.
When two people come together in marriage, they share goals and dreams for their new life. They decide what kind of life they want to live, where they want to live, how many children they want to have, when to purchase their first home, and the list goes on. They have a life in common. They are creating memories and experiences together.
A wife should compliment her husband in a way that helps him achieve their common goals so that he may prosper thereby prospering their family as well. A wife should make life easier for her husband. In other words, the husband and wife work together to create their life together, each bearing their own roles to play. They are partners in life and love. They are like one unit, each working toward the same goal, but with separate jobs.
Both the husband and wife are important, without one there would be no marriage. Neither the wife nor the husband is less important, but they are different. Just like the husband should be considerate of the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of his wife, so should the wife be considerate of the needs of her husband.
And so they work together as a team. What would happen if one member of a baseball team (each with their own role to play) decided he no longer wanted to be the catcher because he preferred being the pitcher? They game would fall apart. Marriage is the same way.
As wives, God has given us an amazing responsibility to love our husbands as only a wife can do. By considering ways we can be a helpmeet to our husbands, we will strengthen our marriage relationship.
We’ll be discussing what a HELPMEET looks like over the next few weeks. I hope you will join me!
Disclaimer: This is a series for wives, not husbands. I believe that husbands should treat their wives with love and respect just as Christ would. This series is not about changing sinful husbands. It is about changing our own sinful hearts as wives.
What do you think?
