Wives Submit to Your Husbands

From Chaos to Calm: Day Eight

Wives Submit to Your Husbands

Scripture Memory: “Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1

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I want you to really look at your marriage. In your prayer journal write down at least ten things you love about your husband. Then write down a few things in your marriage you know could use some work. Ask God to show you how YOU can change to make your marriage better. Remember, this week is not about how to change your husband so you have a happy marriage. It is about how YOU can change to become the wife your husband needs you to be as well as how you can become the wife God wants you to be.

In Genesis 3:16, after the fall of man, we find God speaking to Adam and Eve, giving them instructions about what was to come when they left their garden home. God addressed Eve and told her that her desire would be for her husband – and that her husband would rule over her.

Before you bristle with thoughts such as – “BUT, we are equals!” 0r “NO ONE rules over me!” or “There is no way I will ever let anyone walk all over me!” – I want you to just sit and be quiet for a few minutes and really think about it. This is God’s design for a happy marriage. God’s ways are not our ways. The Bible says, “He that keepeth the commandment keepeth his own soul; but he that despiseth his ways shall die.” Proverbs 19:16

Here in the very beginning of time, God has commanded the woman to desire her husband and submit to him. This can be so hard, I know! However, the blessings that come when you submit to your husband are plentiful.

Submission does not mean that you allow your husband to verbally or physically abuse you. Submission does not mean that you do everything your husband says if he is asking you to break God’s law. Submission does not mean your husband does not have an obligation to treat you with love and respect.

Submission does mean you do not complain about the decisions he makes. If you have a different opinion, you are free to voice it in a loving and calm way. However, if you husband does not agree, you need to leave it be – even if it means he has to learn the hard way!

You are to respect your husband in your daily living. As a Godly wife, you will not nag him, talk down to him, treat him like one of the children, or even make fun of him.

You should never correct your husband in public. If he is telling a story and he gets a point wrong, fight the urge to show how much smarter you think you are! Allow him the freedom to talk without correction.

Today’s Scripture memory says, “Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1

When you show your husband respect you are ultimately setting a Christ like example to

him. By showing him respect, his own heart will be converted. How powerful that verse above is! You have the power to win your husband to Christ! Simply by showing him respect, honor and love!

Men feel loved when they are respected. Allow your husband to wear the pants! Have you ever seen a couple that you just know the husband is “hen pecked?” In this type of relationship, the wife often comes across as bossy, arrogant, and in control. Whereas, the husband comes across as wimpy, sheep-like, and beaten down. Not very attractive, huh?

In your daily prayers ask God to show you how to be submissive toward your husband. Ask him to show you when you step out of bounds. In my house, my husband is the boss – even if I do not agree with him. Funny enough, every time I have been disagreeable about an important decision he has made, God has shown me how wrong I was when I look back and realize my husband made just the right decision! It can be humbling!

If your husband makes chronically bad decisions, poor choices, or is undisciplined in his life, pray for him. Ask God to give your husband wisdom in his daily experience. Ask God to bless him with sound judgment. Ask God to show him when he errs. If a husband makes a bad decision and has to face the consequences, i.e. losing money on a deal, there will be little need for you to say, “I told you so! How could you be so stupid!” He will already know.

How much loving would it be for you to instead say, “Let’s pray about this together. I am sorry things didn’t go the way you envisioned.” And follow up with daily prayer for him during your morning prayers.

I want you to end your devotion with a special prayer for your husband. Write it down in your journal. You might want to pray about:

- his day

-  his work

-  his health

-  his mind

-  his integrity

-  his self-worth

Finally, pray for your own wisdom – that you might be the wife your husband needs you to be.

 

Are you a helpmeet?

“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18

In today’s society, the word HELPMEET is often met with derision and contempt. Even within Christian circles, the idea that woman was created for man can bring about heated discussions and controversy. I think the problem very well lies within the interpretation of the word.

Helpmeet very simply means to be a helper.

When two people come together in marriage, they share goals and dreams for their new life. They decide what kind of life they want to live, where they want to live, how many children they want to have, when to purchase their first home, and the list goes on. They have a life in common. They are creating memories and experiences together.

A wife should compliment her husband in a way that helps him achieve their common goals so that he may prosper thereby prospering their family as well. A wife should make life easier for her husband. In other words, the husband and wife work together to create their life together, each bearing their own roles to play. They are partners in life and love. They are like one unit, each working toward the same goal, but with separate jobs.

Both the husband and wife are important, without one there would be no marriage. Neither the wife nor the husband is less important, but they are different. Just like the husband should be considerate of the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of his wife, so should the wife be considerate of the needs of her husband.

And so they work together as a team. What would happen if one member of a baseball team (each with their own role to play) decided he no longer wanted to be the catcher because he preferred being the pitcher? They game would fall apart. Marriage is the same way.

As wives, God has given us an amazing responsibility to love our husbands as only a wife can do. By considering ways we can be a helpmeet to our husbands, we will strengthen our marriage relationship.

We’ll be discussing what a HELPMEET looks like over the next few weeks. I hope you will join me!

Disclaimer: This is a series for wives, not husbands. I believe that husbands should treat their wives with love and respect just as Christ would. This series is not about changing sinful husbands. It is about changing our own sinful hearts as wives.

What do you think?

Happily Submissive

I heard a radio program the other day that caused me to really sit down and think. The woman on this particular program which, by the way, was on my local Christian radio station, spent 30 or so minutes basically equating the term submissive wives with weak, powerless, and even abused women.

I could not believe what I was hearing! As someone who is an advocate for battered women and children, I truly took offense to this narrow minded view. I thought about this program as I walked around my house cleaning, making dinner, playing with and tending to my children. And I got mad, very mad. I cannot tolerate individuals who promote their own narrow minded beliefs as if it speaks as a voice for everyone.

So, in response to this program I stood up nice and straight on my soap box and thought about what I would say to this woman if she were in my home. First of all, let me say I am very proud to call myself a submissive wife. I am fulfilling my Biblical responsibility. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband who is also my best friend, four beautiful healthy children, a beautiful home and an extended family that has given me not only tremendous support and love but an upbringing that I will always be grateful for.

I am living proof of how the Lord can take a life and change it for good. It is by His grace and mercy alone that I have been given this role as wife and mother. Every time I look at my family I realize that my life comes from God and I am here to fulfill His purpose for me. These precious gifts are my responsibility to cherish, to nurture and to always appreciate. It is my responsibility to help to foster my family members to know and love the Lord and to allow them to flourish with faith and love behind them.

I also realized that contrary to this woman and popular belief, I really enjoy and take pride in being a wife and mother. That thought led me to begin a process of thinking about what being a submissive wife means to me. I first thought about what a submissive wife is not. A submissive wife is not a doormat. She is not someone who just sits back and watches the world around her unfold just smiling and waiting for her husband to pull her puppet strings.

A submissive wife is not a battered wife. Submissive does not ever equal abuse. A submissive wife is far from ignorant. In fact, she is usually wise beyond her years. I truly value the history of mothering and homemaking that I have had in my life.

I value the lessons, counsel and examples I have received from the older mothers that have guided me and I look forward to one day passing on this legacy on to my daughters. A true submissive wife knows the value of a good, solid marriage and she will do everything in her power to be a true partner to her husband.

When my husband comes home from work I know that he will come home to a clean home, well mannered children and a hot meal. Am I obligated to do this? Yes, actually I am. It is my responsibility as his wife. And does that bother me? Not at all. I love the fact that after he drives over an hour home from work, I can show my husband my love and appreciation in this small way. I have a great deal of respect for my husband.

My husband takes his role as the head of our household very seriously and he often carries the burdens of work, family obligations, finances and day-to-day life worries on his shoulders. When he returns home at night after a long day all he really wants is to be wrapped in love by his family. And that love is my gift to give him. And my husband and children are my gift from God. By glorifying my role as mother and wife, I am glorifying our Lord and Savior.

There seems to be this giant misconception that submissive women just allow their husbands to make all decisions and the wife just goes along with him no matter what. I do not believe that is the case. In my home, my husband makes the final decision. Does that mean I agree with him every time? Absolutely not.

What it means is that I value his opinion as the head of our household and I give him the respect and title that he has rightfully earned. Do I argue with him at times? Yes. However, I have learned to argue for what is truly important and necessary and to let go of the things that are not. And I truly do value his opinion as he values mine. My husband will often listen to my side of a discussion and agree with me. It is not a one sided relationship. Yes, he does get the last word but he is not the ONLY word in our home. The bottom line is this.

It is not about who wins. It is about making the most of every day. It is making your relationship the very best that it can be. Are there times when we pray and ask God for things and we are unhappy with the outcome? Of course. I consider my relationship in the same context. Just as I am obedient to God, I am obedient to my husband. There are times when I feel justified in my arguments but I have to stop and let it go.

So, in response to this program I stood up nice and straight on my soap box and thought about what I would say to this woman if she were in my home. First of all, let me say I am very proud to call myself a submissive wife. I am fulfilling my Biblical responsibility. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband who is also my best friend, four beautiful healthy children, a beautiful home and an extended family that has given me not only tremendous support and love but an upbringing that I will always be grateful for.

I am living proof of how the Lord can take a life and change it for good. It is by His grace and mercy alone that I have been given this role as wife and mother. Every time I look at my family I realize that my life comes from God and I am here to fulfill His purpose for me. These precious gifts are my responsibility to cherish, to nurture and to always appreciate. It is my responsibility to help to foster my family members to know and love the Lord and to allow them to flourish with faith and love behind them.

I also realized that contrary to this woman and popular belief, I really enjoy and take pride in being a wife and mother. That thought led me to begin a process of thinking about what being a submissive wife means to me. I first thought about what a submissive wife is not. A submissive wife is not a doormat. She is not someone who just sits back and watches the world around her unfold just smiling and waiting for her husband to pull her puppet strings.

A submissive wife is not a battered wife. Submissive does not ever equal abuse. A submissive wife is far from ignorant. In fact, she is usually wise beyond her years. I truly value the history of mothering and homemaking that I have had in my life.

I value the lessons, counsel and examples I have received from the older mothers that have guided me and I look forward to one day passing on this legacy on to my daughters. A true submissive wife knows the value of a good, solid marriage and she will do everything in her power to be a true partner to her husband.

When my husband comes home from work I know that he will come home to a clean home, well mannered children and a hot meal. Am I obligated to do this? Yes, actually I am. It is my responsibility as his wife. And does that bother me? Not at all. I love the fact that after he drives over an hour home from work, I can show my husband my love and appreciation in this small way. I have a great deal of respect for my husband.

My husband takes his role as the head of our household very seriously and he often carries the burdens of work, family obligations, finances and day-to-day life worries on his shoulders. When he returns home at night after a long day all he really wants is to be wrapped in love by his family. And that love is my gift to give him. And my husband and children are my gift from God. By glorifying my role as mother and wife, I am glorifying our Lord and Savior.

There seems to be this giant misconception that submissive women just allow their husbands to make all decisions and the wife just goes along with him no matter what. I do not believe that is the case. In my home, my husband makes the final decision. Does that mean I agree with him every time? Absolutely not.

What it means is that I value his opinion as the head of our household and I give him the respect and title that he has rightfully earned. Do I argue with him at times? Yes. However, I have learned to argue for what is truly important and necessary and to let go of the things that are not. And I truly do value his opinion as he values mine. My husband will often listen to my side of a discussion and agree with me. It is not a one sided relationship. Yes, he does get the last word but he is not the ONLY word in our home. The bottom line is this.

It is not about who wins. It is about making the most of every day. It is making your relationship the very best that it can be. Are there times when we pray and ask God for things and we are unhappy with the outcome? Of course. I consider my relationship in the same context. Just as I am obedient to God, I am obedient to my husband. There are times when I feel justified in my arguments but I have to stop and let it go.

Don’t we all do that with our walk with the Lord and in this life? And we let things go and find out later on that His way was the best way. I have seen the same results with my husband. Believe it or not, I have found that sometimes through my silence the best results will surface. Just as when I pray and in my silence the Holy Spirit will bring clear the answers.

Sometimes there is more power in a quiet voice speaking out than the constant rattle of a nagging wife. I believe that there are many women out there who just think so much about what they need from their husbands, what their husband’s are not doing for them and concentrating on all of the demands that they have placed on them. And all day long they obsess over what their husband’s should be doing for them rather than thinking about what they could be doing to help their husband.

These women spend their precious time at home during the day thinking of the could haves, should haves, would haves; and they waste the time that they could be having with their children and making their house a true home. They also forget to be thankful for the home, the children and the husband that the Lord has blessed them with.

If these women would consciously replace every one of their negative thoughts every day with a positive thought or a thankful word, I could almost guarantee their relationships would flourish. A good question to ponder is this, “Am I giving up my power when I submit or am I exerting my power by making my family and home a strong foundation?” I wake up every single day thinking of ways to make my home and family better.

I start my day by thanking the Lord for His presence, His mercy, His grace in my life. I know His grace because He chose me to be mother and wife to my family. To me there is absolutely no greater honor that I could have been bestowed than to have the responsibility to care for my family. It has been my absolute love for that responsibility that has taken me through many trials, many sleepless nights, fevers and dark days. I am a submissive wife and I am a mother and I am not afraid to say it. I am strong, I am confident, I am not abused and I am not a puppet. I am a servant of God and I intend to fulfill this great responsibility He has bestowed upon me to the absolute best of my ability. And I will celebrate my family and cherish every minute with them for as long as my time is on this earth.