The Heart of Her Husband: Day 1

Do you respect your husband? {The Heart of Her Husband Series} | A Virtuous Woman #marriage

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11

With Valentine’s Day approaching in just 14 days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?

You can read the rest of this series here.

Do you respect your husband?

Respect goes deeper than just being polite to your husband. Many women do not give their husbands the respect they deserve. The Bible is clear on this subject. As wives we are called to submit to our husbands and show them respect just as the church submits to Christ.This is by far the hardest lesson a wife will ever learn! By our very nature we do not want to submit!

What does it mean to really submit?

Several months ago, I read the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. I highly recommend the book! In Chapter 8, The Dangers of Whitewashed Feminism, Stacy McDonald makes this point:

“Regardless of whether or not men obey God faithfully leading and loving their wives, as women, we are still required to obey God by faithfully and respectfully following our own husbands. Our responsibilities to the Lord aren’t contingent upon the obedience of anyone else. We are to submit to our husbands “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Even when husbands fall short, God can use the faithfulness of godly, submissive wives as a catalyst for change. Peter says it can be done without a word – by our chaste and reverent behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2),

Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. (1 Peter 3:4-5)

If a Christian wife is called to submit even to a heathen husband, how much more should she submit to an imperfect Christian husband?”

Whether our husband is the spiritual leader we have always dreamed of or has disappointed our expectations, we have an holy command from Scripture to submit our will to his. Does this mean we never have a voice or should not speak our opinion? No. But there is a difference in demanding our way and stating our opinion with a meek and quiet spirit.

Do you make it easy for your husband to lead? I regrettably made a mistake not so long ago that I wish I could take back. My husband had suggested that we read a particular book during family worship. My instant reaction was that it was not a good idea and I voiced my opinion. I immediately regretted it. I wanted to take the words back, but unfortunately, once something has been said it can’t be undone.

I don’t always think before I speak. I don’t always have a meek and quiet spirit in my home the way I want to – the way I know God wants me to. I want to make it easy for my husband to lead me and our children. When we as wives give up our #1 status and allow our husbands to be the head our home, God will bless us.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • Do I allow my husband the freedom to make decisions or do I always insist my way is better?
  • Do I treat my husband like he is just another child, incapable of doing anything right?
  • Do I belittle my husbands effort (however few) to be the leader of our home?
  • Do I punish my husband with words or silence when I don’t get my way?
  • Do I insult his intelligence and his dignity with words of wrath?
  • Do I harbor anger or resentment toward my husband?
  • Do I allow God to opportunity to grow my husband as the head of our home?

Join me over the next two weeks as I work to develop a deeper, stronger faith and a meeker, quieter spirit. You won’t regret it!

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  1. 3

    Donna says

    What a great study Melissa. I’ve missed you! :) I’m grateful to be a part of this study and looking forward to what the Lord reveals.

  2. 5


    Thank you for introducing such a great study, Melissa. I too have seen what can happen when I take the reins instead of deferring to my husband. He welcomes and values my opinion, and we make many decisions jointly, but things get off kilter when I turn my opinion into action without his blessing.

  3. 6

    Tina says

    I’m kind of new to A Virtuous Woman. I just read “Do You Respect Your Husband” and WOW. I really needed that. I have been struggling lately with those exact issues. It seems that no matter how much I want to do the right thing, not say condeming things and nit pick, I do just the opposite of what I want to do. I’ve KNOWN I need to die to self, now I need to just do it. Thank You!

  4. 7

    Cora says

    I like this study of Submission, I know this condition can be measured to both the husband and the wife we are all guilty at some points because of human frailty. Thank You for sharing these valuable tools

  5. 8

    Maybe says

    I don’t know really, i’m going through a very painful patch in my marriage and i admit i have contemplated walking away. i dont always get it right, in fact i think i fall short more often than not (especially of late) but how do i live a submitted life when he’s hardly ever there? i feel very tired, i dont even know why am writting this…

  6. 9

    Estelle says

    Thank you – thank you – thank you!!!!!
    I have been needing a study like this more than I even knew. I praise my Heavenly Daddy for sending this on time and on point message through you.

  7. 10

    Etmny says

    I also want to say thank you for this study. I have to testify that right out of college I was a women’s lib kind of gal. I thought everything had to be 50/50. But through the years after many trying times with my husband I have to give praises to God for leading me through his word to be a submissive wife. It has not been easy but through the years I have seen my unbelieving husband change into a man who is everyday more and more discovering God’s love and grace. That is the power of the holy spirit through God’s word. So thank you for speaking truth and may God continue to bless this ministry.

  8. 11

    Noni says

    I am so thankful for this study! I need this particular type of correction in my married life right now. Thank you so much for sharing this truth with all of the wives, including myself, who are striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman….Blessings to you!

    • 13


      Shirley, you can print them out as long as you include this copyright notice:

      (c) 2013 A Virtuous Woman –
      Melissa Ringstaff is a pastor’s wife, serving with her husband in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern Kentucky. She is a homeschooling mom and the Editor of A Virtuous Woman since 2001. She has written several titles including Spring Cleaning for the Heart and Home and The Homemaker’s Journal: Keeping House.

      The articles here on A Virtuous Woman may not be reprinted or redistributed without written permission. So thanks for asking!

  9. 14


    Hello. Yesterday morning I was laying in bed praying and I asked God to continue to mold me into the person HE desires me to be. He replied with woman of virtue. I lay their thinking ok? I had non idea what to make of that do I googled the words virtuous woman. The top two search returns were proverbs 31 and your web page.
    My marriage has been through hell over the past few years. My husband actually moved out over the weekend. I will not sugar coat, I put him through hell. I was very lost and I turned to another man to fill the void I felt. My husband prayed for our marriage for over a year and right as he was giving up on me, God grabbed me and HE has spent the past 6 months changing everything about me. The pain I caused my husband is do deep that he can not heal while living under the same roof as me and our children. I take full responsibility for the chaos and heartache I’ve brought upon my family. Now, I’m holding tight to God’s promises and praying for renewal in my husbands heart and restoration of our marriage. I thank God for the work HE is doing and I am grateful for HIM leading me to your site.
    Please pray for my husband and I. Thank you for your time, God Speak
    Tori Chastain

  10. 18


    I really want to read more of your wriing to help me on how to become a better wife and mother. I like what I have far. I am too harsh on my husband and kids.

    • 19


      Hi Bona, I hope you’ll come visit with me again soon. It’s good that you recognize a need to change because that gives you the power to make change happen. God will show you how. God bless you!

  11. 21

    Samanta says

    A while ago God revealed the way of holiness as a wife. It’s hard sometimes to live biblical teaching and be a dutiful wife and submit to my husband. Although not a devout Christian, I must admit that lives according to the Gospel and perhaps your faith is greater than mine.
    Although I deeply admire me is not easy to give up my need to control the situation.
    I am also quite lazy at home and work long hours outside in a position where I must make many decisions and I have a lot of people under my authority.
    This journey of 14 days will be a great tool for me to return to my husband the Lordship of our family and be able to live more according to the will of God . Thanks for all that you share and teach, Melissa. blessings

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