Welcome to Day 9 of our series, From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home. Today we’re talking about a subject that deserves thought and prayer. Sexual intimacy in your marriage is important for the emotional health of your marriage.
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From Chaos to Calm: Day Nine
Your Desire Shall be for Your Husband
Scripture Memory: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
When a woman first meets the man she falls in love with, her heart is full of excitement, joy, peace, and passion. She counts the minutes until she sees him again. She longs for him to be by her side in all that she does. She does little things for him that she knows will make him happy. She flirts and smiles and is generally pleasant to be around.
So what happens once she has been married for a while? Suddenly, his little quirky behaviors that she once thought were cute are not cute anymore. Over the course of weeks, months, and years she realizes that her knight in shining armor is not so shiny any longer. And suddenly she may feel that she has been short-changed.
It will come as no surprise to most married women that as time goes on, often the romance fades. A woman may have a hard-working man who comes home every night but if she does not feel that emotional connection, she simply won’t feel as inclined to be intimate with her husband. Yet, as a husband, when he feels that emotional connection slipping away, he wants to reconnect with his wife through physical love and touch.
The Bible tells us, “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations.” 1 Corinthians 7:4 (NLT)
If you have a habit of denying your husband the pleasure of your touch and of your body, you are making a mistake! You and your husband need that time together. If you or your husband is not happy with the amount of lovemaking going on in your bedroom, you need to spend time in prayer over this matter.
God created sex to be sacred. Sex is meant to be a gift. It’s something you beautiful you give one another. It’s a giving – not a taking – and the giving should be mutual. You are missing out on a true spiritual blessing if you don’t make room in your heart for a physical connection with your husband.
If you are tired – every night – perhaps you should go to bed earlier, or take a nap. If you have resentment in your heart, you may not feel like being intimate with him. Why do you resent him? Pray for a forgiving spirit. If you avoid kissing your husband during the day, ask yourself why?
Note: Most normal marriages will have times of stress or unhappiness that can lead to emotional disconnect if you aren’t actively working to keep your marriage healthy. If you are in an unhealthy or abusive marriage, you are likely to experience an emotional disconnect because there is something seriously wrong. It’s important to know the difference. You can read my article on Anger and Emotional Abuse within Marriage for more information.
Do not withhold your love from your husband. Ask for God’s blessing on your marriage as well as those intimate moments. Surprise your husband with a night he will remember. Try some of the following suggestions:
- Greet him at the door with a smile a 15 second kiss and a warm hug. Tell him how happy you are that he is home.
- Run a bubble bath for him and fluff his towel in the dryer so it is warm when he gets out. Light some candles so he can relax.
- Get a baby sitter if possible and have a candle light dinner for him. Make his favorite meal.
- Clean your bedroom of all clutter if needed and put fresh scented sheets on the bed. Light candles. Have fluted glasses filled with sparkling cider. Serve him homemade chocolate covered strawberries in bed.
- Dress in a pretty night gown and wear a pretty shade of lip gloss. Wear your hair down. Spend at least 30 minutes seducing him.
- Wake your husband with a back rub in the morning and a warm breakfast. Help him dress and be sure his clothes are wrinkle free the night before.
- Tell him how wonderful he is and how lucky you are to have a hard working man in your life. Make him feel like a king. He might wonder where his real wife went! However, with some time and effort and prayer he will begin to romance you and treat you like his queen!
Ask God to give you a sincere desire to please your husband in and out of the bedroom. Your marriage will be blessed. Use your morning prayer time to focus on your precious husband. Continue to get up early every morning!
More Resources for Christian Women
Sheila Wray Gregorie from the blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum has so many fabulous resources for Christian women on the topic of sex and emotional wellness within a marriage. I’m sure I didn’t do this topic justice.
Some of my favorite resources she has are:
Action Steps to Take Today
- Pray and ask God to show you how you can intimately connect with your husband and if you need to improve your own attitude about sexual intimacy in marriage.
- Plan a special evening or time with your husband to really focus on just the two of you without distractions of kids or problems you are currently dealing with.
- Make a commitment to do something kind for your husband to kindle the romance in your marriage on a regular basis. Schedule it on your calendar if you need to!
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