Love and Marriage | The Christian Walk | The Proverbs 31 Wife and Mother | Family Life

Happily Submissive

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I heard a radio program the other day that caused me to really sit down and think. The woman on this particular program which, by the way, was on my local Christian radio station, spent 30 or so minutes basically equating the term submissive wives with weak, powerless, and even abused women.

I could not believe what I was hearing! As someone who is an advocate for battered women and children, I truly took offense to this narrow minded view. I thought about this program as I walked around my house cleaning, making dinner, playing with and tending to my children. And I got mad, very mad. I cannot tolerate individuals who promote their own narrow minded beliefs as if it speaks as a voice for everyone.

So, in response to this program I stood up nice and straight on my soap box and thought about what I would say to this woman if she were in my home. First of all, let me say I am very proud to call myself a submissive wife. I am fulfilling my Biblical responsibility. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband who is also my best friend, four beautiful healthy children, a beautiful home and an extended family that has given me not only tremendous support and love but an upbringing that I will always be grateful for.

I am living proof of how the Lord can take a life and change it for good. It is by His grace and mercy alone that I have been given this role as wife and mother. Every time I look at my family I realize that my life comes from God and I am here to fulfill His purpose for me. These precious gifts are my responsibility to cherish, to nurture and to always appreciate. It is my responsibility to help to foster my family members to know and love the Lord and to allow them to flourish with faith and love behind them.

I also realized that contrary to this woman and popular belief, I really enjoy and take pride in being a wife and mother. That thought led me to begin a process of thinking about what being a submissive wife means to me. I first thought about what a submissive wife is not. A submissive wife is not a doormat. She is not someone who just sits back and watches the world around her unfold just smiling and waiting for her husband to pull her puppet strings.

A submissive wife is not a battered wife. Submissive does not ever equal abuse. A submissive wife is far from ignorant. In fact, she is usually wise beyond her years. I truly value the history of mothering and homemaking that I have had in my life.

I value the lessons, counsel and examples I have received from the older mothers that have guided me and I look forward to one day passing on this legacy on to my daughters. A true submissive wife knows the value of a good, solid marriage and she will do everything in her power to be a true partner to her husband.

When my husband comes home from work I know that he will come home to a clean home, well mannered children and a hot meal. Am I obligated to do this? Yes, actually I am. It is my responsibility as his wife. And does that bother me? Not at all. I love the fact that after he drives over an hour home from work, I can show my husband my love and appreciation in this small way. I have a great deal of respect for my husband.

My husband takes his role as the head of our household very seriously and he often carries the burdens of work, family obligations, finances and day-to-day life worries on his shoulders. When he returns home at night after a long day all he really wants is to be wrapped in love by his family. And that love is my gift to give him. And my husband and children are my gift from God. By glorifying my role as mother and wife, I am glorifying our Lord and Savior.

There seems to be this giant misconception that submissive women just allow their husbands to make all decisions and the wife just goes along with him no matter what. I do not believe that is the case. In my home, my husband makes the final decision. Does that mean I agree with him every time? Absolutely not.

What it means is that I value his opinion as the head of our household and I give him the respect and title that he has rightfully earned. Do I argue with him at times? Yes. However, I have learned to argue for what is truly important and necessary and to let go of the things that are not. And I truly do value his opinion as he values mine. My husband will often listen to my side of a discussion and agree with me. It is not a one sided relationship. Yes, he does get the last word but he is not the ONLY word in our home. The bottom line is this.

It is not about who wins. It is about making the most of every day. It is making your relationship the very best that it can be. Are there times when we pray and ask God for things and we are unhappy with the outcome? Of course. I consider my relationship in the same context. Just as I am obedient to God, I am obedient to my husband. There are times when I feel justified in my arguments but I have to stop and let it go.

So, in response to this program I stood up nice and straight on my soap box and thought about what I would say to this woman if she were in my home. First of all, let me say I am very proud to call myself a submissive wife. I am fulfilling my Biblical responsibility. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband who is also my best friend, four beautiful healthy children, a beautiful home and an extended family that has given me not only tremendous support and love but an upbringing that I will always be grateful for.

I am living proof of how the Lord can take a life and change it for good. It is by His grace and mercy alone that I have been given this role as wife and mother. Every time I look at my family I realize that my life comes from God and I am here to fulfill His purpose for me. These precious gifts are my responsibility to cherish, to nurture and to always appreciate. It is my responsibility to help to foster my family members to know and love the Lord and to allow them to flourish with faith and love behind them.

I also realized that contrary to this woman and popular belief, I really enjoy and take pride in being a wife and mother. That thought led me to begin a process of thinking about what being a submissive wife means to me. I first thought about what a submissive wife is not. A submissive wife is not a doormat. She is not someone who just sits back and watches the world around her unfold just smiling and waiting for her husband to pull her puppet strings.

A submissive wife is not a battered wife. Submissive does not ever equal abuse. A submissive wife is far from ignorant. In fact, she is usually wise beyond her years. I truly value the history of mothering and homemaking that I have had in my life.

I value the lessons, counsel and examples I have received from the older mothers that have guided me and I look forward to one day passing on this legacy on to my daughters. A true submissive wife knows the value of a good, solid marriage and she will do everything in her power to be a true partner to her husband.

When my husband comes home from work I know that he will come home to a clean home, well mannered children and a hot meal. Am I obligated to do this? Yes, actually I am. It is my responsibility as his wife. And does that bother me? Not at all. I love the fact that after he drives over an hour home from work, I can show my husband my love and appreciation in this small way. I have a great deal of respect for my husband.

My husband takes his role as the head of our household very seriously and he often carries the burdens of work, family obligations, finances and day-to-day life worries on his shoulders. When he returns home at night after a long day all he really wants is to be wrapped in love by his family. And that love is my gift to give him. And my husband and children are my gift from God. By glorifying my role as mother and wife, I am glorifying our Lord and Savior.

There seems to be this giant misconception that submissive women just allow their husbands to make all decisions and the wife just goes along with him no matter what. I do not believe that is the case. In my home, my husband makes the final decision. Does that mean I agree with him every time? Absolutely not.

What it means is that I value his opinion as the head of our household and I give him the respect and title that he has rightfully earned. Do I argue with him at times? Yes. However, I have learned to argue for what is truly important and necessary and to let go of the things that are not. And I truly do value his opinion as he values mine. My husband will often listen to my side of a discussion and agree with me. It is not a one sided relationship. Yes, he does get the last word but he is not the ONLY word in our home. The bottom line is this.

It is not about who wins. It is about making the most of every day. It is making your relationship the very best that it can be. Are there times when we pray and ask God for things and we are unhappy with the outcome? Of course. I consider my relationship in the same context. Just as I am obedient to God, I am obedient to my husband. There are times when I feel justified in my arguments but I have to stop and let it go.

Don’t we all do that with our walk with the Lord and in this life? And we let things go and find out later on that His way was the best way. I have seen the same results with my husband. Believe it or not, I have found that sometimes through my silence the best results will surface. Just as when I pray and in my silence the Holy Spirit will bring clear the answers.

Sometimes there is more power in a quiet voice speaking out than the constant rattle of a nagging wife. I believe that there are many women out there who just think so much about what they need from their husbands, what their husband’s are not doing for them and concentrating on all of the demands that they have placed on them. And all day long they obsess over what their husband’s should be doing for them rather than thinking about what they could be doing to help their husband.

These women spend their precious time at home during the day thinking of the could haves, should haves, would haves; and they waste the time that they could be having with their children and making their house a true home. They also forget to be thankful for the home, the children and the husband that the Lord has blessed them with.

If these women would consciously replace every one of their negative thoughts every day with a positive thought or a thankful word, I could almost guarantee their relationships would flourish. A good question to ponder is this, “Am I giving up my power when I submit or am I exerting my power by making my family and home a strong foundation?” I wake up every single day thinking of ways to make my home and family better.

I start my day by thanking the Lord for His presence, His mercy, His grace in my life. I know His grace because He chose me to be mother and wife to my family. To me there is absolutely no greater honor that I could have been bestowed than to have the responsibility to care for my family. It has been my absolute love for that responsibility that has taken me through many trials, many sleepless nights, fevers and dark days. I am a submissive wife and I am a mother and I am not afraid to say it. I am strong, I am confident, I am not abused and I am not a puppet. I am a servant of God and I intend to fulfill this great responsibility He has bestowed upon me to the absolute best of my ability. And I will celebrate my family and cherish every minute with them for as long as my time is on this earth.

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10 Comments

  1. Melissa Ringstaff. I find you to be a strong and spiritual woman. I pray that you never change but for the Better in Christ. Your virtue and your teachings have helped me in so many ways I can't even begin to explain. I was truly blessed the day I decided to research ways that I could better myself and fulfill, biblically, my role as being a Virtuous woman for my sons and my husband. In researching this topic your website popped up. As I scanned each article I began to feel 'inspired'. I knew in myself that I could be just that. I'm not the picture of a virtuous woman quite yet, but I believe with the strength God gave me and the help of those such as yourself, I will be that example in no time. Already the relationship my husband I have has gotten better daily. Thank you for your witness and your testimony. You are a blessing to those who seek knowledge and ways to improve themselves. Thank you and God Bless.
  2. I'm puzzled. What do you mean by saying, "What it means is that I value his opinion as the head of our household and I give him the respect and title that he has rightfully earned." What title? And what has he done to earn it?
  3. This woman is indeed a virtuous woman! you have explained how i have felt for so long! the problem with women like me is that i am surrounded by other young women who feel the complete opposite. i am saddened most times thinking of how they see me, as someone who has no problem in being a homemaker and raising a family with a godly man. i was once told that i was damaged, by a friend who heard my views on man/woman relations. my heart is broken. i am quite disturbed by the amount of people who are against god's word. but i thank you for this testimony you have shared with us. be encouraged and keep being a woman of the most high god!
  4. Thank you so much for posting this article. It is just what I was searching for. God bless you. My marriage is in need of repair and God only knows the future. I am thankful my husband is my bestfriend but oh how we need our marriage healed and restored, for God to make it better than it has ever been! Amen. Please pray for us. Thank You.
  5. If you choose and I say CHOOSE to have children and be a stay at home mom thats good for you..but don't you dare say that being a mother and a submissive homemaker is the ONLY way a woman can fullfill her christian duties. God made all of us different and with different gifts. I pray that you teach your daughters to choose what they want in life..instead of going by some antiquated mis guided belief that just because you have a uterus you have to be a homemaker to honor god..sheesh
  6. Thank you so much for sharing the inspiration you've been given. As a newly wed I often have questions about my role as a wife as God intended. Many men comment on this topic but they haven't been called to the same duties and responsibilities we have. God uses women like you to help women like me understand how to replicate some of the love He shows us in our own homes. Society gives women so many different ideas about what it means to be a modern woman in today's world. God gives us a portrait of what a timeless woman is like, but many of us never learn to appreciate the beauty of such a lovely gift. Thank you for stepping up and speaking out. You've helped me if no one else. Please continue to let God use you to impact others.
  7. Interesting article and I am very glad that you are happy and the marriage is working so well. I agree with the Biblical instruction about wifely submission and the headship of the husband however in my own marriage my husband does not take his headship seriously and this causes massive stress and upset for me. On many occassions I have had to step in and make major decisions, it is me who is organising our Bible study times which have yet to happen even after 3 and half years of marriage. I seek his opinion on many matters and will be given the response of 'do what ever you want' I have no doubt that my husband is genuinely a Christian and he attends church with me however he has made it incredibably difficult for me to be a submissive wife in accordance with God's will because of not taking his own role seriously. I know that I am responsible for my own part in the marriage and cannot blame him. I would like to give a piece of advice however those reading this blog that are not married, if your future husband is lacking in asertiveness and happy for you to make all the decisions etc, this will certainly cause problems for you in the marriage. You are entitled to loving headship and need it. Not because you are in anyway inferior but because this was the way that God designed you. This is something that should be addressed before the wedding I feel.
  8. Kay, what I believe she is trying to say is that a husbands title, as being the Spiritual Leader of the household, by being a head of the household, and also being the one responsible for his children/wife is a title and role given to him by God. Just like ours, as women, is to be biblically submissive, and allow our husbands to have the final decisions, since we know that if he does love us, he will bring us into account on all that he had to choose from.
  9. Hi, my name is Katie and I am 14 years old. I 100% agree with what you are saying here about how being submissive towards your husband and being a homemaker is not wrong in the bible at all. In fact I am very ambitious about doing both of those things when I am older, which I know is very odd to hear from a teenager these days. In fact I have never heard of even one teenage girl around or my age that wants to do what I want to do, which is why I made a blog called almahtoishshah.com , which is basically trying to show teenage girls that God wants them to be a homemaker and a submissive wife (I know the name of my website is confusing, but my about me page explains what it means at the top of it. But basically it means "from girl to women". Because in my blog, not only am I trying to guide teenagers around my age to be future homemakers and submissive wives, I am also going to be telling people my journey from being a girl to being a women while having the beliefs that I do). I am so happy I came across this website and got to read this post, and I will definitely read more of your work. If you ever get the chance, please check out my blog and maybe leave a like and/or comment sometime? I would really appreciate it since my site is fairly new and doesn't get a lot of attention yet. :)

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