Do you ever feel like you’re constantly in a bad mood? Do you feel like your kids make you angry all the time? It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated as a mom, but it’s important not to let that anger take over. Today I’m sharing ways that you can reframe your thoughts, calm down, and stop being an angry mom.
You can be a more patient mom – and stop being an angry one. Learn how to develop a better attitude, set healthy boundaries, and find ways to manage your stress. You and your family are worth it!
How to Stop Being an Angry Mom
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19
We love our children, and we never thought we would yell and lose patience with our kids. Most often, it seems random and out of the blue, while other times, it’s at the end of a long day.
This may seem a bit harsh, but it is true when it comes to your home. Being an angry mom negatively affects your children and honestly, your household, but you can do something to stop losing your patience and turn things around.
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I remember being a young mom and feeling like I couldn’t get a handle on my temper. I would snap at the kids and I yelled a lot. Some of that was probably a lack of maturity or selfishness. But the truth is, I needed to cultivate a heart of patience – one of the fruits of the spirit.
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I know you want to stop being an angry mom. And, it is possible, with God’s help!!
Here are a few tips on how to stop being an angry mom and stay patient during stressful times.
If you’ve been struggling with anger toward your children, 0ne of the most important things you can do right now is to stop and forgive yourself. You will make mistakes and lose your patience sometimes – there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. But, making mistakes from time to time doesn’t mean you have to spiral out of control and have constant guilt for what happened.
related: Q& A: Finding Forgiveness & How to Forgive Yourself
Most often, it is a cycle we repeat: We mess up, spiral, and feel guilty, which leads to getting upset again and again. We have to forgive ourselves to break that pattern, just as God forgives us.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
Compassion, forgiveness, and grace are all things we give others, but we must learn to give them to ourselves too. God will always give us grace, so why shouldn’t we? If we want to follow His example, we must forgive ourselves.
Learn Your Anger Triggers
Usually, it is never completely out of the blue when you get angry. You will have triggers that unconsciously get you worked up without realizing it.
Triggers can be things from your childhood that upset you, when your child disrespects you, whenever you feel unappreciated, or when you feel injustice. Some common triggers are:
- something that reminds you of past trauma
- disrespect or back talking
- feeling unappreciated
- your child not obeying
- you take things personally
- you think your child is doing “this” to you
- your expectations are too high
- things feel out of control
- you’re exhausted and need a break
One of the biggest triggers for moms is when they are stressed about something unrelated to their child. If you look back to when you got angry at your kids, most of the time, it will be because it was a stressful day. Once you learn what your triggers are, you will be more aware and able to stop and slow down before getting angry at your children.
If every day during nap time, your toddler just plays, which makes you mad, naptime becomes a trigger for you. To help, try letting your toddler have a rest time instead of naptime where they don’t have to sleep but can just play quietly in their room.
If you live a stressful, busy life, chances are you are living more in the future than in the present. Then, when things get hectic in the present, you explode easily. Try to find time each morning to pray and meditate on a Bible verse for a few minutes to help keep you living in the present each day.
When you focus on one thing at a time, you live in the moment. You will be more productive, calm, and patient, especially with your children if you can be present every day.
I know being present with your kids can be a challenge, especially when you have a million things on your mind and a million more things to do. One way to be more present is to put away any distractions, such as your phone, and give your child your full attention.
It can also be helpful to make a point of doing activities together that require your undivided attention, such as reading a book or playing a game.
In addition, try to avoid multitasking when you’re with your kids. Instead of trying to do two things at once, focus on being fully engaged in the moment. By making a conscious effort to be more present, you can foster a stronger connection with your children and create lasting memories.
And when you do feel agitated, try to do some deep breathing as this brings you back to the present.
When things get overwhelming, stop and ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” Then, take care of your needs! Most of the time, we are too busy focusing on everyone else that we get exhausted and burnt out.
related: 5 Reasons to Take Time for Yourself + Free Printable Checklist
Moses felt a similar way when he focused on taking care of all the children of Israel by himself. Then, his father-in-law shared this with him:
“You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself.” -Exodus 18:18 NLT
We are not meant to do it all on our own, and when we do, things get “too heavy! ”
Make sure to take time for yourself every day. My homemaking notebook has a self-care checklist in it each month that you can download for free!
Mark 12:31 teaches us that we need to “love your neighbor as yourself.” This means we must love ourselves too. How can you serve and love your children if you don’t love yourself?
By loving yourself and focusing on your needs, you are better equipped to be a calm and happy mom.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Reframe Your Thoughts
And finally, it’s important that we take ownership of our thoughts. The Bible says, “take every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5) because the mind is so powerful!
Philippians 4:7 says, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Our feelings are really just our thoughts.
Have you ever found yourself saying (or thinking) something similar to these phrases?
- He makes me so mad.
- She’s driving me crazy!
- That irritates the ever-living daylights out of me.
- I can’t do anything I want to do because he’s so needy.
- The kids make me lose it!
Here’s the truth and I’m going to say it as gently as possible: Your kids don’t make you do anything. Your thoughts about the situation make you feel however it is you feel.
Your kids don’t make you yell or lose your cool. They don’t make you feel angry. Your thoughts do. Your kids don’t control your feelings, your time, or your to do list. You do. And you get to choose how you think about every situation.
Michelle Rees says, “Taking responsibility for your thoughts, actions, and life can feel challenging. It requires a willingness to learn from your mistakes, to own your successes and failures, and to stop blaming others for your circumstances.
But, taking ownership of your life also builds character, grit, and self-respect. It allows you to proactively create a fulfilling, meaningful, and healthy life where you decide how to respond to your circumstances with accountability and fortitude. Once we understand the quality of our life is largely influenced by our mindset, focus, and actions, we have the freedom to choose our response.” How to Take Ownership of Your Life, by Michelle Rees
It’s important to take ownership of your thoughts because when you own it – whether or not you are proud of it or not – you can begin to take steps to change. And if you never own it, you won’t change.
You get to choose how you will respond to every situation, even the negative ones. And your response is key.
So, if you want to stop being an angry mom, you need to reframe your thoughts and how you respond. You will never have a better relationship with someone than your thoughts about them. What kind of relationship do you want to have with your child?
When I was learning to be a more patience mom, I spent time praying every single day about. I put up Bible verse cards around my house. I made it a priority in my life. It was something I talked to God about throughout the day – for weeks, maybe months. And you know, I became calmer, more patient, and I stopped yelling.
To give our children the most love we possibly can, we must do our best to be patient, calm, kind, and happy. Try out these tips to help you stop being an angry mom and keep your cool during stressful times. If you are trying to stop, you are doing a good job!
Action steps to Take Today
- Pray and ask God to help you cultivate a heart of patience toward your children. Pray often!
- Take ownership of your thoughts and feelings and acknowledge that you have a choice in how you will respond to everything that happens during the day.
- Begin reframing your thought by purposely stopping yourself when you catch yourself having a negative thought or response. Make a point to reframe that to something positive.
- Believe that God is faithful and that He will help you stop being an angry mom if you ask!