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Do you respect your husband? {The Heart of Her Husband Series} | A Virtuous Woman #marriage

The Heart of Her Husband: Day 1

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:2

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

Respect in marriage is so very important. And it goes both ways. Wives need to respect their husbands and husbands should respect their wives. Today we’re looking at our hearts and asking ourselves the question: Do I respect my husband?

Do you respect your husband? {The Heart of Her Husband Series} | A Virtuous Woman #marriage

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11

With Valentine’s Day approaching in just 14 days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?

You can read the rest of this series here.

Do you respect your husband?

Respect goes deeper than just being polite to your husband. Many women do not give their husbands the respect they deserve. The Bible is clear on this subject. As wives we are called to submit to our husbands and show them respect just as the church submits to Christ.This is by far the hardest lesson a wife will ever learn! By our very nature we do not want to submit!

What does it mean to really submit?

Several months ago, I read the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. I highly recommend the book! In Chapter 8, The Dangers of Whitewashed Feminism, Stacy McDonald makes this point:

“Regardless of whether or not men obey God faithfully leading and loving their wives, as women, we are still required to obey God by faithfully and respectfully following our own husbands. Our responsibilities to the Lord aren’t contingent upon the obedience of anyone else. We are to submit to our husbands “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Even when husbands fall short, God can use the faithfulness of godly, submissive wives as a catalyst for change. Peter says it can be done without a word – by our chaste and reverent behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2),

Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. (1 Peter 3:4-5)

If a Christian wife is called to submit even to a heathen husband, how much more should she submit to an imperfect Christian husband?”

Whether our husband is the spiritual leader we have always dreamed of or has disappointed our expectations, we have an holy command from Scripture to submit our will to his. Does this mean we never have a voice or should not speak our opinion? No. But there is a difference in demanding our way and stating our opinion with a meek and quiet spirit.

Do you make it easy for your husband to lead? I regrettably made a mistake not so long ago that I wish I could take back. My husband had suggested that we read a particular book during family worship. My instant reaction was that it was not a good idea and I voiced my opinion. I immediately regretted it. I wanted to take the words back, but unfortunately, once something has been said it can’t be undone.

I don’t always think before I speak. I don’t always have a meek and quiet spirit in my home the way I want to – the way I know God wants me to. I want to make it easy for my husband to lead me and our children. When we as wives give up our #1 status and allow our husbands to be the head our home, God will bless us.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • Do I allow my husband the freedom to make decisions or do I always insist my way is better?
  • Do I treat my husband like he is just another child, incapable of doing anything right?
  • Do I belittle my husbands effort (however few) to be the leader of our home?
  • Do I punish my husband with words or silence when I don’t get my way?
  • Do I insult his intelligence and his dignity with words of wrath?
  • Do I harbor anger or resentment toward my husband?
  • Do I allow God to opportunity to grow my husband as the head of our home?

Join me over the next two weeks as I work to develop a deeper, stronger faith and a meeker, quieter spirit. You won’t regret it!

Articles for wives who are hurting:

  • When Your Husband is Overly Critical
  • Anger and Emotional Abuse within Marriage
  • Emotional Abuse
  • When “Pray Harder” isn’t the Answer
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About Melissa Ringstaff

My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I've been blogging here at A Virtuous Woman since 2001. I'm a pastor's wife and homeschooling mom living in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern KY. I believe in finding freedom from perfection and living life with purpose and I want to help you do exactly that.

I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit with me. I hope we can be friends!

You may also enjoy reading these posts:

Do you show your husband gratitude? @ AVirtuousWoman.org

The Heart of Her Husband: Day 5

The Heart of Her Husband Trusts Her @ AVirtuousWoman.org

The Heart of Her Husband: Day 4

Are you a home MAKER? @ AVirtuousWoman.org

The Heart of Her Husband: Day 3

30 Ways to Pray for Your Husband @ AVirtuousWoman.org

30 Ways to Pray for Your Husband + Free Printable Bookmarks

Do you pray for your husband? @ AVirtuousWoman.org

The Heart of Her Husband: Day 2

Free Printable Milk and Cookies Valentine's Day Cards @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Milk and Cookies Valentine’s Day Card |Free Printable Cards

Sweet Text Messages for Your Husband @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Free Printable Love Notes for Your Husband {Sweet Text Messages}

Setting Marriage Goals @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Setting Goals for Your Marriage + Free Printable Worksheet for Couples

10 Virtuous Women in the Bible @ AVirtuousWoman.org

9 Virtuous Women of the Bible

25 Names of Jesus Advent Cards @ AVirtuousWoman.org

25 Names of Jesus | Free Printable Scripture Advent Cards

Getting in God's Word | Study the Word Worksheets @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Getting in God’s Word | 4 Simple Steps

30 Morning Prayer Prompts | Printable Prayer Prompts @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Morning Prayer Prompts | Free Printable Prayer Prompts

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kristen

    February 1, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Well...you've got me pegged! I'm so glad I found your blog the other day! I'm looking forward to this!
    Reply
  2. Virginia

    February 2, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    This is great. Certainly takes some of the pressure of me......sometimes I don't know when to let go and just let things happen. Thanks so much!
    Reply
  3. Sarah

    February 2, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    All, I can say is WOW. Definitely looking forward to this!
    Reply
  4. Donna

    February 2, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    What a great study Melissa. I've missed you! :) I'm grateful to be a part of this study and looking forward to what the Lord reveals.
    Reply
  5. Kim

    February 2, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Thank you for introducing such a great study, Melissa. I too have seen what can happen when I take the reins instead of deferring to my husband. He welcomes and values my opinion, and we make many decisions jointly, but things get off kilter when I turn my opinion into action without his blessing.
    Reply
  6. Tina

    February 2, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    I'm kind of new to A Virtuous Woman. I just read "Do You Respect Your Husband" and WOW. I really needed that. I have been struggling lately with those exact issues. It seems that no matter how much I want to do the right thing, not say condeming things and nit pick, I do just the opposite of what I want to do. I've KNOWN I need to die to self, now I need to just do it. Thank You!
    Reply
  7. Cora

    February 2, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    I like this study of Submission, I know this condition can be measured to both the husband and the wife we are all guilty at some points because of human frailty. Thank You for sharing these valuable tools
    Reply
  8. Maybe

    February 3, 2010 at 7:47 am

    I don't know really, i'm going through a very painful patch in my marriage and i admit i have contemplated walking away. i dont always get it right, in fact i think i fall short more often than not (especially of late) but how do i live a submitted life when he's hardly ever there? i feel very tired, i dont even know why am writting this...
    Reply
    • Niki

      February 9, 2021 at 11:39 am

      Hey Maybe, You wrote because you want to be heard. I hear you. Feeling like giving up can be a daily part of our lives. We are tired. We do a lot, even when it seems we’ve not done much, the burden of being a Proverbs 31 woman is great. Great burdens are given to us by God because He knows we are capable and because He has made us capable. You can do it! Like Melissa said: not because your husband draws that depth of love and respect from you, but because you do it as unto the Lord. I feel like I’m getting it right more than ever before and still fall short more than I don’t. But I’m sure that my efforts to love and respect and leave room for my husband to lead us are paying off. The funny thing is: he is there more when I’m doing what I ought to. He will not be there more first, can’t count on that. But we can count on God to give us the necessary power to be respectful, hold our tongue and follow. It’s relaxing, to not be responsible for it all, but empowering to be good backup. It’s a long road. There is much joy, when we do it Gods way. - much love to you sister
      Reply
  9. Estelle

    February 4, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Thank you - thank you - thank you!!!!! I have been needing a study like this more than I even knew. I praise my Heavenly Daddy for sending this on time and on point message through you.
    Reply
  10. Etmny

    February 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I also want to say thank you for this study. I have to testify that right out of college I was a women's lib kind of gal. I thought everything had to be 50/50. But through the years after many trying times with my husband I have to give praises to God for leading me through his word to be a submissive wife. It has not been easy but through the years I have seen my unbelieving husband change into a man who is everyday more and more discovering God's love and grace. That is the power of the holy spirit through God's word. So thank you for speaking truth and may God continue to bless this ministry.
    Reply
  11. Noni

    February 5, 2010 at 9:04 am

    I am so thankful for this study! I need this particular type of correction in my married life right now. Thank you so much for sharing this truth with all of the wives, including myself, who are striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman....Blessings to you!
    Reply
  12. SHIRLEY BURNS

    February 4, 2013 at 9:59 am

    I ENJOY YOUR ARTICLES AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH SOME WIVES OF OUR CONGREGATION. Do you send copies or can these be printed out?
    Reply
    • Melissa Ringstaff

      February 4, 2013 at 12:07 pm

      Shirley, you can print them out as long as you include this copyright notice: (c) 2013 A Virtuous Woman - www.avirtuouswoman.org Melissa Ringstaff is a pastor's wife, serving with her husband in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern Kentucky. She is a homeschooling mom and the Editor of A Virtuous Woman since 2001. She has written several titles including Spring Cleaning for the Heart and Home and The Homemaker's Journal: Keeping House. The articles here on A Virtuous Woman may not be reprinted or redistributed without written permission. So thanks for asking!
      Reply
  13. Tori Chastain

    February 11, 2013 at 8:46 am

    Hello. Yesterday morning I was laying in bed praying and I asked God to continue to mold me into the person HE desires me to be. He replied with woman of virtue. I lay their thinking ok? I had non idea what to make of that do I googled the words virtuous woman. The top two search returns were proverbs 31 and your web page. My marriage has been through hell over the past few years. My husband actually moved out over the weekend. I will not sugar coat, I put him through hell. I was very lost and I turned to another man to fill the void I felt. My husband prayed for our marriage for over a year and right as he was giving up on me, God grabbed me and HE has spent the past 6 months changing everything about me. The pain I caused my husband is do deep that he can not heal while living under the same roof as me and our children. I take full responsibility for the chaos and heartache I've brought upon my family. Now, I'm holding tight to God's promises and praying for renewal in my husbands heart and restoration of our marriage. I thank God for the work HE is doing and I am grateful for HIM leading me to your site. Please pray for my husband and I. Thank you for your time, God Speak Tori Chastain
    Reply
    • Tammy

      March 2, 2014 at 8:20 pm

      Tori - I will pray for you. Stay faithful to God. Do everything you can to become a virtuous woman.
      Reply
  14. Janelle

    February 18, 2014 at 11:52 pm

    I am so grateful to God I found this site! Thank you for allowing God to work through you in helping us be better Wives and Mothers.:)
    Reply
    • Melissa Ringstaff

      February 21, 2014 at 6:00 pm

      Janelle, so glad you are enjoying the site. God is good!
      Reply
  15. Bona Mark

    April 14, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    I really want to read more of your wriing to help me on how to become a better wife and mother. I like what I have read.so far. I am too harsh on my husband and kids.
    Reply
    • Melissa Ringstaff

      April 14, 2014 at 8:52 pm

      Hi Bona, I hope you'll come visit with me again soon. It's good that you recognize a need to change because that gives you the power to make change happen. God will show you how. God bless you!
      Reply
  16. lebo

    March 10, 2015 at 10:05 am

    your site is inspiring,thanx for this informative info
    Reply
  17. Samanta

    March 19, 2015 at 5:35 am

    A while ago God revealed the way of holiness as a wife. It's hard sometimes to live biblical teaching and be a dutiful wife and submit to my husband. Although not a devout Christian, I must admit that lives according to the Gospel and perhaps your faith is greater than mine. Although I deeply admire me is not easy to give up my need to control the situation. I am also quite lazy at home and work long hours outside in a position where I must make many decisions and I have a lot of people under my authority. This journey of 14 days will be a great tool for me to return to my husband the Lordship of our family and be able to live more according to the will of God . Thanks for all that you share and teach, Melissa. blessings
    Reply
  18. Rachel Lura

    October 1, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Dear Melissa, today I made a pact with God. He answered, and I am fulfilling my promise by searching for a way to become a more Christian wife so I may use God's wisdom to help my husband in life, open his heart, acceptance, etc. The interesting thing is, when my husband asked me to make the Big Promise, the things he asked for were things listed in your "The Heart of Her Husband - A 14-day Series". My husband is asking me to become a Christian wife without knowing the qualities of a Christian wife. He just knows these are the qualities he needs in me in order to have a fulfilling and happy marriage. I am feeling both humbled and inspired. The toughest part for me -- and I am sure many women sympathize with me because we are the product of our modern pro-feminist education - 50/50, female power, etc., -- is the concept of "submission." To many of us women who have deep-rooted belief that we women are no lesser than men, the words "to submit" is akin to "bow to your man." The old me would say "No way I will submit to anyone, I am lesser than no one, especially my husband. He should love and cherish me." But as I kept reading your blog, trying to make sense of it all, I Googled "What does it mean to submit to your husband" and found a great article that demystified "submission" for me. The URL is https://carm.org/what-does-it-mean-wife-submit-her-husband for any lady who is eager to find out. 3 years ago my friend's mom taught me how to pray to Jesus (I was raised believing in Buddha as I"m from Taiwan), and since then I have entrusted my life to Him, and one of the biggest reasons I married my husband is because I CAN trust him with my life. My journey to be closer to God begins here -- as a wife. Keep up the great work you are doing helping and inspiring us women. You are giving us a different kind of power, the kind of power that is non-political, does not require any form of protests or movements. This type of power warms our homes and our hearts :)
    Reply
  19. K.S.

    February 9, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    What if when the husband's will leads the family, it causes destruction and chaos in the family...I am not married, but this happened to my mother when i was younger, so she was forced to be the primary decision maker. My father just wasn't capable of making decisions that considered the rest of the family's needs. I don't know..I'm grateful that my mother took over. She did what she had to do to keep her children free from harm. But, I do understand. In a Godly marriage where both the husband and wife put God at the center of their lives, and both respect each other and support each other, this would be an ideal situation :)
    Reply

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Hi There! My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I believe that being a Proverbs 31 Woman isn't about being perfect. Here at A Virtuous Woman you'll find freedom from perfection and the confidence to live your life with purpose.


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purposenotperfection

Freedom from perfection. 🪁
Live with purpose. ✝️
Proverbs 31 for modern women. 👱‍♀️
Wife + Mama + Homemaker + Kentucky
Life: @melissa.ringstaff

Melissa Ringstaff
Not gonna lie. 2020 was a hard year. And not just Not gonna lie. 2020 was a hard year. And not just because there was a pandemic. Our family has faced many trying times in the past but 2020 gave us some doozies.  I’m looking forward to a new year. The beginning of the new year always feels like a fresh start to me. It feels like HOPE.  But the truth is, whatever heartaches and hardships you and I were facing on Dec. 31 will most likely still be there on Jan. 1.  That’s why it’s hard to keep New Years resolutions. It’s easy to feel motivated for a few days or a couple weeks until we realize life hasn’t really changed and things are still hard.  But if we want to see real change it takes hard work and real effort. It takes showing up every day - even when it’s hard.  Whether that means working on your fractured relationships or setting healthy boundaries or cultivating self disciple... whatever that hard thing is that you need to work on ... it will only get better if you work on it.  We aren’t promised an easy life. But we are promised an “Ever Present Help in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1  *
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#faithblogger #faithfulness #faithandfamily #bibleverseaday #christianbloggers #dailyverses #christianlife #jesuscalling #shereadstruth#proverbs31women #proverbs31life #10virtues #daughteroftheking #jesuslovesme #womenoffaith #faithquotes #proverbs31
We’re coming into the new year with all the same We’re coming into the new year with all the same problems we had in the last year. And that’s okay! Life doesn’t have to be perfect to still be amazing. Perfectionism is a joy stealer. Let’s determine to enjoy life right now in all its messiness.  I believe you can find freedom from perfection and the confidence to live your life with purpose. #purposenotperfection  #christian #Jesus #love #quotes #quoteslife #quotestoliveby #godisgood #votd #lifequotes #inspirationalquotes #life #motivationalquotes #inspiration #bible #bb #bestoftheday #happiness #wordofgod
🏠 Being a homemaker is such an important role. 🏠 Being a homemaker is such an important role. It’s a ministry to your family and all who enter your home.  But I want you to know: You don’t have to be perfect. ❤️  There’s a fine line between teaching your children to be neat and insisting on perfection. No one can meet that kind of standard and it can be detrimental to the emotional health of your family.  What we want for our homes is to provide a space that is neat and clean enough that your family and friends feel comfortable and well loved.  There is freedom in accepting the fact that you’re not perfect. Not to make excuses for slovenliness - but to give yourself grace.  It’s when we recognize our weakness that we find ourselves reaching out to Jesus to receive the power that comes only from him. As homemakers, when we can find grace for the moment when we accept His Gift.  “But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the LORD our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage. Ezra 9:8  Let His Grace wash over you, cleanse your weary heart. Homemaking isn’t about creating a perfect space. It’s about creating a home where loved ones feel cared for and nurtured. 
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking #wearethehomemakers
❤️Your attitude about homemaking matters.⠀
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A homemaker by definition is someone who manages and makes a home. 🏠⠀
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But, anyone can clean and organize a home. ⠀
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☑️ Homemaking is about more than checking off the items on your to do list.⠀
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Learning how to be a homemaker means you learn how to make your home feel like haven of peace and love. You seek out ways to make your home feel inviting. You work at it.⠀
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There is no easy button for homemaking. There are easier, more efficient ways to do chores, but the chores still have to be done. If you live in a house, you will create the need for the house to be tidied every day and cleaned on a regular basis.⠀
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Having the right attitude about homemaking is the first step in learning how to be a homemaker.⠀
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The good news is, even if you’ve been struggling with your homemaking, you can always go to God and ask Him for help. ⠀
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He sees the unseen work of your hands. And He loves you very, very much. He wants to help you succeed. ⠀
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking  #youngwife #housewife
🙏 If you’ve found it difficult to have a regu 🙏 If you’ve found it difficult to have a regular time with Jesus every day, you’re not alone. Lots of busy Christian women struggle to find time for a daily prayer and devotion time. ⠀
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But I still want to encourage you to start your day with God! ⠀
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⏰ If it’s hard to spend 30 minutes in the morning for a quiet time, I want you to remember you can still begin your day with God – even if that means saying a short prayer before your feet hit the floor in the morning.⠀
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✝️ I also want to encourage you to memorize this verse:⠀
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“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.⠀
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8 📖⠀
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In the morning you can recite this verse and say a prayer. It doesn’t have to take a long time. Although – if you do have time – you will be greatly blessed by spending more time in prayer and devotion.⠀
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📌 Free Printable Morning Prayer Prompts on the blog today: https://avirtuouswoman.org/morning-prayer-prompts/  #linkinbio ⠀
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#faithblogger #faithfulness #faithandfamily #bibleverseaday #christianbloggers #dailyverses #christianlife #jesuscalling #shereadstruth #Christ #Church #Christian #Jesus #Jesuslover #JesusChrist #JesusisLord #CreatorGod #Devotional #verseoftheday #Love #Faith #biblestudy #God #dailydevotional
🏠 As a homemaker, one of my goals is to be inte 🏠 As a homemaker, one of my goals is to be intentional with how I plan our days. I love any opportunity to create a good memories at home for my family and guests. ⠀⠀
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📌 If you're looking to make this holiday season really special, you need to be intentional. Goodness knows 2020 has had a lot of ups and downs. And maybe you feel like it's been mostly downs. ⠀⠀
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🎄 But the holiday season is a chance to focus on celebrating the life we have right now. Things don't need to be perfect for us to celebrate life right now!!⠀⠀
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☑️ Inside the pages of my Purpose 31 holiday planner, you'll find 8 weeks of planning and cleaning all laid out for you. Recipe pages, journaling pages, and more - 120 pages total. ⠀⠀
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✏️ The Purpose 31 Holiday Planner is by far one of the most popular resource I produce each year. ⠀⠀
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Thousands of women have downloaded it over the last four years I've offered it.⠀⠀
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So, even though it's early still, you can go ahead and downlaod it. Print it out and then set it up so you're ready to go.⠀⠀
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I usually take my holiday planner down to Office Depot and have them spiral bind it with a plastic cover for about $5.00. This year, though, I just bought a new 3 ring binder at Walmart, printed off extra cover pages to slip in the clear sleeve, and created a binder with it. ⠀⠀
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📌📌📌 If you use the planner this year, be sure to share and tag me in your photos! ❤️⠀  Download: https://avirtuouswoman.org/holiday-planner/ #linkinbio
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking #christmas #holidayplanning #planningaddict #plannercommunity #freeprintables #thanksgiving #christmastree  #plannerobsessed
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