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The Heart of Her Husband: Day 1

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Respect in marriage is so very important. And it goes both ways. Wives need to respect their husbands and husbands should respect their wives. Today we’re looking at our hearts and asking ourselves the question: Do I respect my husband?

Do you respect your husband? {The Heart of Her Husband Series} | A Virtuous Woman #marriage

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11

With Valentine’s Day approaching in just 14 days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?

You can read the rest of this series here.

Do you respect your husband?

Respect goes deeper than just being polite to your husband. Many women do not give their husbands the respect they deserve. The Bible is clear on this subject. As wives we are called to submit to our husbands and show them respect just as the church submits to Christ.This is by far the hardest lesson a wife will ever learn! By our very nature we do not want to submit!

What does it mean to really submit?

Several months ago, I read the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. I highly recommend the book! In Chapter 8, The Dangers of Whitewashed Feminism, Stacy McDonald makes this point:

“Regardless of whether or not men obey God faithfully leading and loving their wives, as women, we are still required to obey God by faithfully and respectfully following our own husbands. Our responsibilities to the Lord aren’t contingent upon the obedience of anyone else. We are to submit to our husbands “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Even when husbands fall short, God can use the faithfulness of godly, submissive wives as a catalyst for change. Peter says it can be done without a word – by our chaste and reverent behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2),

Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. (1 Peter 3:4-5)

If a Christian wife is called to submit even to a heathen husband, how much more should she submit to an imperfect Christian husband?”

Whether our husband is the spiritual leader we have always dreamed of or has disappointed our expectations, we have an holy command from Scripture to submit our will to his. Does this mean we never have a voice or should not speak our opinion? No. But there is a difference in demanding our way and stating our opinion with a meek and quiet spirit.

Do you make it easy for your husband to lead? I regrettably made a mistake not so long ago that I wish I could take back. My husband had suggested that we read a particular book during family worship. My instant reaction was that it was not a good idea and I voiced my opinion. I immediately regretted it. I wanted to take the words back, but unfortunately, once something has been said it can’t be undone.

I don’t always think before I speak. I don’t always have a meek and quiet spirit in my home the way I want to – the way I know God wants me to. I want to make it easy for my husband to lead me and our children. When we as wives give up our #1 status and allow our husbands to be the head our home, God will bless us.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • Do I allow my husband the freedom to make decisions or do I always insist my way is better?
  • Do I treat my husband like he is just another child, incapable of doing anything right?
  • Do I belittle my husbands effort (however few) to be the leader of our home?
  • Do I punish my husband with words or silence when I don’t get my way?
  • Do I insult his intelligence and his dignity with words of wrath?
  • Do I harbor anger or resentment toward my husband?
  • Do I allow God to opportunity to grow my husband as the head of our home?

Join me over the next two weeks as I work to develop a deeper, stronger faith and a meeker, quieter spirit. You won’t regret it!

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Melissa Ringstaff

My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I've been blogging here at A Virtuous Woman since 2001. I'm a pastor's wife and homeschooling mom living in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern KY. I believe in finding freedom from perfection and living life with purpose and I want to help you do exactly that.

I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit with me. I hope we can be friends!

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24 Comments

  2. This is great. Certainly takes some of the pressure of me......sometimes I don't know when to let go and just let things happen. Thanks so much!
    Reply
  4. What a great study Melissa. I've missed you! :) I'm grateful to be a part of this study and looking forward to what the Lord reveals.
    Reply
  5. Thank you for introducing such a great study, Melissa. I too have seen what can happen when I take the reins instead of deferring to my husband. He welcomes and values my opinion, and we make many decisions jointly, but things get off kilter when I turn my opinion into action without his blessing.
    Reply
  6. I'm kind of new to A Virtuous Woman. I just read "Do You Respect Your Husband" and WOW. I really needed that. I have been struggling lately with those exact issues. It seems that no matter how much I want to do the right thing, not say condeming things and nit pick, I do just the opposite of what I want to do. I've KNOWN I need to die to self, now I need to just do it. Thank You!
    Reply
  7. I like this study of Submission, I know this condition can be measured to both the husband and the wife we are all guilty at some points because of human frailty. Thank You for sharing these valuable tools
    Reply
  8. I don't know really, i'm going through a very painful patch in my marriage and i admit i have contemplated walking away. i dont always get it right, in fact i think i fall short more often than not (especially of late) but how do i live a submitted life when he's hardly ever there? i feel very tired, i dont even know why am writting this...
    Reply
    1. Hey Maybe, You wrote because you want to be heard. I hear you. Feeling like giving up can be a daily part of our lives. We are tired. We do a lot, even when it seems we’ve not done much, the burden of being a Proverbs 31 woman is great. Great burdens are given to us by God because He knows we are capable and because He has made us capable. You can do it! Like Melissa said: not because your husband draws that depth of love and respect from you, but because you do it as unto the Lord. I feel like I’m getting it right more than ever before and still fall short more than I don’t. But I’m sure that my efforts to love and respect and leave room for my husband to lead us are paying off. The funny thing is: he is there more when I’m doing what I ought to. He will not be there more first, can’t count on that. But we can count on God to give us the necessary power to be respectful, hold our tongue and follow. It’s relaxing, to not be responsible for it all, but empowering to be good backup. It’s a long road. There is much joy, when we do it Gods way. - much love to you sister
      Reply
  9. Thank you - thank you - thank you!!!!! I have been needing a study like this more than I even knew. I praise my Heavenly Daddy for sending this on time and on point message through you.
    Reply
  10. I also want to say thank you for this study. I have to testify that right out of college I was a women's lib kind of gal. I thought everything had to be 50/50. But through the years after many trying times with my husband I have to give praises to God for leading me through his word to be a submissive wife. It has not been easy but through the years I have seen my unbelieving husband change into a man who is everyday more and more discovering God's love and grace. That is the power of the holy spirit through God's word. So thank you for speaking truth and may God continue to bless this ministry.
    Reply
  11. I am so thankful for this study! I need this particular type of correction in my married life right now. Thank you so much for sharing this truth with all of the wives, including myself, who are striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman....Blessings to you!
    Reply
  12. I ENJOY YOUR ARTICLES AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH SOME WIVES OF OUR CONGREGATION. Do you send copies or can these be printed out?
    Reply
    1. Shirley, you can print them out as long as you include this copyright notice: (c) 2013 A Virtuous Woman - www.avirtuouswoman.org Melissa Ringstaff is a pastor's wife, serving with her husband in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern Kentucky. She is a homeschooling mom and the Editor of A Virtuous Woman since 2001. She has written several titles including Spring Cleaning for the Heart and Home and The Homemaker's Journal: Keeping House. The articles here on A Virtuous Woman may not be reprinted or redistributed without written permission. So thanks for asking!
      Reply
  13. Hello. Yesterday morning I was laying in bed praying and I asked God to continue to mold me into the person HE desires me to be. He replied with woman of virtue. I lay their thinking ok? I had non idea what to make of that do I googled the words virtuous woman. The top two search returns were proverbs 31 and your web page. My marriage has been through hell over the past few years. My husband actually moved out over the weekend. I will not sugar coat, I put him through hell. I was very lost and I turned to another man to fill the void I felt. My husband prayed for our marriage for over a year and right as he was giving up on me, God grabbed me and HE has spent the past 6 months changing everything about me. The pain I caused my husband is do deep that he can not heal while living under the same roof as me and our children. I take full responsibility for the chaos and heartache I've brought upon my family. Now, I'm holding tight to God's promises and praying for renewal in my husbands heart and restoration of our marriage. I thank God for the work HE is doing and I am grateful for HIM leading me to your site. Please pray for my husband and I. Thank you for your time, God Speak Tori Chastain
    Reply
  14. I am so grateful to God I found this site! Thank you for allowing God to work through you in helping us be better Wives and Mothers.:)
    Reply
  15. I really want to read more of your wriing to help me on how to become a better wife and mother. I like what I have read.so far. I am too harsh on my husband and kids.
    Reply
    1. Hi Bona, I hope you'll come visit with me again soon. It's good that you recognize a need to change because that gives you the power to make change happen. God will show you how. God bless you!
      Reply
  17. A while ago God revealed the way of holiness as a wife. It's hard sometimes to live biblical teaching and be a dutiful wife and submit to my husband. Although not a devout Christian, I must admit that lives according to the Gospel and perhaps your faith is greater than mine. Although I deeply admire me is not easy to give up my need to control the situation. I am also quite lazy at home and work long hours outside in a position where I must make many decisions and I have a lot of people under my authority. This journey of 14 days will be a great tool for me to return to my husband the Lordship of our family and be able to live more according to the will of God . Thanks for all that you share and teach, Melissa. blessings
    Reply
  18. Dear Melissa, today I made a pact with God. He answered, and I am fulfilling my promise by searching for a way to become a more Christian wife so I may use God's wisdom to help my husband in life, open his heart, acceptance, etc. The interesting thing is, when my husband asked me to make the Big Promise, the things he asked for were things listed in your "The Heart of Her Husband - A 14-day Series". My husband is asking me to become a Christian wife without knowing the qualities of a Christian wife. He just knows these are the qualities he needs in me in order to have a fulfilling and happy marriage. I am feeling both humbled and inspired. The toughest part for me -- and I am sure many women sympathize with me because we are the product of our modern pro-feminist education - 50/50, female power, etc., -- is the concept of "submission." To many of us women who have deep-rooted belief that we women are no lesser than men, the words "to submit" is akin to "bow to your man." The old me would say "No way I will submit to anyone, I am lesser than no one, especially my husband. He should love and cherish me." But as I kept reading your blog, trying to make sense of it all, I Googled "What does it mean to submit to your husband" and found a great article that demystified "submission" for me. The URL is https://carm.org/what-does-it-mean-wife-submit-her-husband for any lady who is eager to find out. 3 years ago my friend's mom taught me how to pray to Jesus (I was raised believing in Buddha as I"m from Taiwan), and since then I have entrusted my life to Him, and one of the biggest reasons I married my husband is because I CAN trust him with my life. My journey to be closer to God begins here -- as a wife. Keep up the great work you are doing helping and inspiring us women. You are giving us a different kind of power, the kind of power that is non-political, does not require any form of protests or movements. This type of power warms our homes and our hearts :)
    Reply
  19. What if when the husband's will leads the family, it causes destruction and chaos in the family...I am not married, but this happened to my mother when i was younger, so she was forced to be the primary decision maker. My father just wasn't capable of making decisions that considered the rest of the family's needs. I don't know..I'm grateful that my mother took over. She did what she had to do to keep her children free from harm. But, I do understand. In a Godly marriage where both the husband and wife put God at the center of their lives, and both respect each other and support each other, this would be an ideal situation :)
    Reply

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