Making Memories | Motherhood | The Proverbs 31 Wife and Mother | Family Life

The Perfect Mom

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I’ve always wanted to be the perfect mom.

And the perfect wife.

Really, I’d love to be a perfect person! Unfortunately, I’m not a perfect anything.

For years my expectations for myself were incredibly high. It didn’t matter how many obligations I had. I was going to cook three delicious meals everyday, for 7 people or more. I was going to make homemade bread several times a week. I was going to homeschool, and run A Virtuous Woman, and wake up early everyday, and write books, and be the perfect pastor’s wife, and clean the house, and more.

I Wanted to be the Perfect Mom @ AVirtuousWoman.org

And then it came to the point where I realized that instead of enjoying all of those good things, I just felt like I was working all. the. time.

And one by one, I let my expectations go.

Two years later, I’m a happier, joyful me.

Some major things did change in my life. Number one, I no longer have four elderly family members to care for. And the stress of being a caregiver for so many years did a real number on me. But I learned something valuable – that life is about more than going through the motions.

I only get one life. 

If I’m going to live life to the fullest, no matter the circumstances, it’s my choice. No one can live my life for me.

So what things have changed since I grasped joy and let go of stress?

I learned to focus on what was most important to me: my family and my home.

I still homeschool. But the way we homeschool is much more flexible now. I don’t stress over schedules any more. We do school in the afternoon on most days {instead of in the morning}, which despite my feeling that it’s not ideal, it’s what’s currently working best for us.

I still run A Virtuous Woman. But I’ve learned how to work just two or three days a week – working ahead – and that way I can focus on my family during the other days of the week.

I learned to say no {nicely}. People used to ask me to do things or to commit to things all. the. time. And even though I was physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted I would agree. People hardly ever ask me to do stuff for them any more. And so if they do, it’s easier for me say yes from time to time without overextending myself.

I enjoy my kids more. Which means we have fun, laugh, and play together every day. Instead of the leftovers, they get the best of me. I take time every single day to just be with them, talk, and have fun.

I enjoy routine, but letting things fly out the window is good too. I used to be so uptight about my routine and schedule. I hated unexpected disruptions because they happened too frequently. These days, because I’ve learned to say no, and focus on my priorities, I can be more flexible without feeling stress.

I stopped feeling like I had to cook huge meals three times a day from scratch including homemade bread. We still eat good food and I do cook from scratch. But not everyday and not three times a day! And you know what? Meal time is still meaningful and enjoyable. Without the stress and major clean up!

I’ve learned to except the fact that the people I love are grumpy sometimes. And it’s okay and it doesn’t affect my mood anymore. I can be happy even if the people around me are being sour for the moment.

It’s Going to Be a Good Day

I wake up everyday with the expectation that today is going to be a good day even if I get next to nothing done. I wake up everyday with a plan to do those things that make me/my family happy and the rest will fall into place – even if it’s next week. So, today I’m hoping to clean the house { a clean house does make me happy!} and get ready for Sabbath. We may decide to skip the cleaning and go to the pool for the afternoon. Either way, it’s going to be a good day.

Here’s the thing about being a perfect wife or a perfect mom. You’ll never be perfect. So, instead of focusing on all those things you need to “do,” focus on being. Just like our walk with Christ, it’s not all the stuff we “do” that will make the difference. It’s about the time we spend together. Our kids, our husbands need our time.

[Tweet “Being a great mom is not about what we do, but the time we spend together.”]

And stress does not make you a better person. In fact, less stress means better health and happiness.

Free Printable

[Tweet “Download this #FreePrintable “Today is a Good Day” art print: “]

So, I thought, why not share a fun printable with you? Just print onto card stock and frame in an 8 x 10 frame!

Today is a Good Day Printable @ AVirtuousWoman.org

How to Download

  1. Follow me on Twitter and/or Instagram if you can. Or Pinterest. Thanks!
  2. Download the .pdf file for the Today is a Good Day art print here.

Have you struggled with expectations? How have you learned to deal with your own expectations and find joy?

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4 Comments

  1. thanks very much! needed this today tho renting a house and have to be a good steward of the property. the landlords sometimes show up outta blue without warning making it sressfull to be a breastfeeding sahm with kids who want to go outside. i kno they need that, but my expectations of be were moving soon so hopefully the newest landlords wont "drop in"
  2. We can all be perfect because the word of God commands us to be. We must stop defining perfection and let it just be what God says it is and accept that we are perfect,IF we meet His criteria of perfection. Whose perfect are you trying to be? So, if your husband comes home and says that he stopped by and picked up a prostitute on the way home, are you going to smile and say, "Well, nobody's perfect." We expect perfection out of people every day just as God does. Living righteous and holy is being perfect. We can be perfect if we allow God to make us be. We can't say that I burnt the cookies today and didn't make my bed, therefore I'm not perfect. I encourage everyone to take another look at God's definition of perfect, before you say that nobody's perfect. There are perfect people by His standards. Don't let the world dictate our diction as Christians. I hope you don't beat yourself up anymore about being perfect because you actually can be because God said it. If you're not perfect by His standards, what are you doing or not doing that's stopping you from being perfect.
    1. Hi Crystal, I appreciate your comment, but it left me wonderful if you had actually read the article in the context in which I wrote it? I wasn't taking about righteousness or perfection in Christ. I was talking about the ideals women have placed on themselves as to what "perfect" means.
      1. Hi, Yes, I read it. I understand the context completely, however there are so many Christians who use perfection, or lack there of, to describe their entire life. I hear Pastors speaking from the pulpit that nobody's perfect(that's not scripture). The world has a mark for perfection. One example is the grading system in education. Perfection is attainable in areas. You are not prideful for striving for perfection or reaching it in areas. I believe we should stay with truest meaning of words so that we don't mislead people. You boast a Christian way of living, so that's the place that you should abide in. Let's just try to be what God says that we can be without feeling guilty. We don't have to almost kill ourselves to be good wives-you are absolutely right. You don't have to mention being perfect to help someone in that area either. If you feel like you should, in order to dispel what you once believed to be true, but now know better, then incorporate scripture to validate your epiphany. If it really sounds like I'm coming down on you-I'm sorry about that-we absolutely have to be sharp as possible when dealing in ministry, because the enemy steals the word of God from us when we don't understand it(ie people who may not understand). We all learn from each other as iron sharpens iron. This site is such a blessing to me and I thank you for all that you do. You are a true inspiration. (All in love) Be blessed!!!

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