10 Ways to Lift Up Your Husband

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Sometimes the answer isn’t so much that your husband needs to change – even though he really might!! – but the answer may be that you change your heart. Today I’m talking about 10 ways you can lift up your husband.

10 Ways to Lift Up Your Husband and Have a Happy Marriage {working together, creating a life dream} | A Virtuous Woman

Marriage can be really hard. And I don’t say that lightly. Marriage can be and often is really, really hard.

Do you ever ask yourself why?

You may be thinking, “I know why! It’s that man I’m married to!”

Ahem… I’ve been there.

Have you ever heard the saying, “When you point a finger at someone, you’ve three more pointing at you?” Maybe it’s time to stop blaming our husbands and look at ourselves.

Let’s think back to the beginning. The beginning of you and Mr. Right. Back when you were happy.

What was different?

And before you get your feathers ruffled and say, “Well, he was nice to me!”

Maybe you were nicer to him?

Could your attitude have changed the way your husband treats you?

Now, I want to stop here and say this: Abuse is never okay. Whether it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, or sexual abuse, it is never okay. If your husband is abusing you, you need to get help.

I am NOT suggesting that a woman is ever to blame for being abused. We are all responsible for our own actions including your husbands.

If your husband struggles with depression, addictions, mental illness, or a disorder such as OCD or OCPD you may need to seek professional help as well.

Having said that…

related: Anger and Emotional Abuse within Marriage

If you have a “normal” husband who is frustrated, angry, discouraged, stressed and/ or unhappy much of the time, could you help him find the man he once was way back when you first got married and were happy?

Here are some ways you can help your husband find happiness:

  1. Honor your husband by putting him first at home.
  2. Encourage your husband.
  3. Respect your husband.
  4. Go out of your way to be extra thoughtful.
  5. Leave him love notes.
  6. Realize that his sexual needs are important.
  7. Be quick to forgive and don’t hold grudges.
  8. Make his life easier whenever possible.
  9. Laugh with your husband.
  10. Show your husband the love of Christ by extending grace and mercy.

You know, marriage isn’t {or shouldn’t} be about how “I” can find happiness. It should be about how “we” can find happiness together.

Usually when a couple gets married they have big dreams about what their life will be like. They make plans, they talk and dream together, and they work together. They’re a team.

But far too often as time passes and hurts pile up… one day they are no longer working together. They may be living together but they lead separate lives. They’ve lost sight of their common goal.

In a healthy relationship, there is give and take. I give some and then you offer something back. You give some and I offer something back.

When hurts and resentment build and when bitterness creeps into a relationship, often the giving stops or at least slows way down. Sometimes to get things back onto an even keel again… one person has to do a lot more giving than taking until the relationship finds healing.

Could that person be you? God can use you to heal your marriage.

“Greater love has no one than this, that  he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Is your marriage in need of healing? How is God speaking to your heart today?

The Heart of Her Husband

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  1. Love the 10 rules,I am going to put more energy into some of these rules.Even with a good marriage I feel you still need a check up. Thank-you Melissa for such good post's.
  2. Hi ive been married for 13 years and I'm struggling because I believe I am emotionally abused every time I want to talk about anything or anytime my husband is in a bad mood I am attacked with false accusations and he justifies all the hurtful things he says. He's always been this way. I did everything God has asked me to do and because of that he has come to the Lord. He has changed somewhat with less outbursts & rage. But, I Believe he is very emotionally immature and it's impossible to talk to him even using the correct approach such as "I feel this " & so on. At this point I've been praying even harder and my feelings I have for him I'm ashamed to admit. I feel I can't stand him and I see him as an enemy. But I'm still trying to be nice despite how I feel. I know that is what God wants and I know why. There has been a lot of emotional and verbal abuse to his step kids (my oldest 2 kids). And yes I forgave that but there has been times that his ugly character would come out and he would snap at them and their feelings of hate toward him come up again. I would talk to him and mention that I think that he needs to talk to them and he would snap at me and say he has already apologized numerous times ( which isn't the case). It's too hard for him to talk & apologize. Meanwhile this is what he calls me "judging him". I just want the peace. We are in marital counseling finally only because his pastor has told him to. Long story is he talked to my friend a few times without me knowing and I found out and was devastated. He realized it was wrong and he reached out to his counselor. I looked for consoling, reassurance, & love from him he acted like (from his words) that I asked way too much and didn't know what I wanted. Trust me. I was clear. I needed to know his love for me. I'm scared. I can't talk about anything with him. And our Christian counselor is focused on Him feeling safe when I am he one that needs to feel safe. Counselor also has read scripture that I need to obey etc... I know all about doing that. But this is not the issues. Other things counselor has said has really taken me back. Not once has counselor read scripture on how the husband should Not be harsh. Help ☹️
  3. I've been feeling a lot of resentment and anger toward my fiancé lately. I'm a stay at home mother of a 1 yr old baby girl and a full time student. It's easy to feel bitter towards the person that gets to go out all day and be his own person. Here I was thinking he had changed, but I now realize that I might have done some changing too. It's such an incredible thing to work the Lord into your marriage, to let him shape your values, and we'll be working on that more. And I'll be learning to step back, appreciate, and overall GIVE more to my partner. Thank you for this!!!!
  4. A very thoughtful article. I'm definitely sharing! Our marriage is sort of unique in that I am the spouse who works full-time outside the home and my husband is a stay-at-home dad to our two (soon-to-be three) boys. This pregnancy has been a lot harder on me physically than the first two, and I feel so wiped out when I finally get home. My husband is carrying the majority of the home and parenting duties right now, and he does an amazing job at it, but I still feel a little guilty when I have to lay down after dinner and cannot help with the kids. I know it is just a passing season and once this baby is born, things will slowly get back to our normal. (For reference: I've been pregnant or post-partum for the last 3.5 years straight.) However, I don't want my husband to feel... neglected or overworked or unsupported. Not that he has said he does. He is so kind and observant, and he is always taking care of me! Making sure I have enough to eat or soothing tea or time to rest. I mean, I know I'm the one working full time to pay the bills and cover the health insurance, but there are days when I feel like a mooch. Maybe it is just pregnancy brain overthinking things? I just can't give any more (physically) right now and probably won't until a few months after the new baby is born.