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10 Ways to Lift Up Your Husband and Have a Happy Marriage {working together, creating a life dream} | A Virtuous Woman

10 Ways to Lift Up Your Husband

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

Sometimes the answer isn’t so much that your husband needs to change – even though he really might!! – but the answer may be that you change your heart. Today I’m talking about 10 ways you can lift up your husband.

10 Ways to Lift Up Your Husband and Have a Happy Marriage {working together, creating a life dream} | A Virtuous Woman

Marriage can be really hard. And I don’t say that lightly. Marriage can be and often is really, really hard.

Do you ever ask yourself why?

You may be thinking, “I know why! It’s that man I’m married to!”

Ahem… I’ve been there.

Have you ever heard the saying, “When you point a finger at someone, you’ve three more pointing at you?” Maybe it’s time to stop blaming our husbands and look at ourselves.

Let’s think back to the beginning. The beginning of you and Mr. Right. Back when you were happy.

What was different?

And before you get your feathers ruffled and say, “Well, he was nice to me!”

Maybe you were nicer to him?

Could your attitude have changed the way your husband treats you?

Now, I want to stop here and say this: Abuse is never okay. Whether it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, or sexual abuse, it is never okay. If your husband is abusing you, you need to get help.

I am NOT suggesting that a woman is ever to blame for being abused. We are all responsible for our own actions including your husbands.

If your husband struggles with depression, addictions, mental illness, or a disorder such as OCD or OCPD you may need to seek professional help as well.

Having said that…

related: Anger and Emotional Abuse within Marriage

If you have a “normal” husband who is frustrated, angry, discouraged, stressed and/ or unhappy much of the time, could you help him find the man he once was way back when you first got married and were happy?

Here are some ways you can help your husband find happiness:

  1. Honor your husband by putting him first at home.
  2. Encourage your husband.
  3. Respect your husband.
  4. Go out of your way to be extra thoughtful.
  5. Leave him love notes.
  6. Realize that his sexual needs are important.
  7. Be quick to forgive and don’t hold grudges.
  8. Make his life easier whenever possible.
  9. Laugh with your husband.
  10. Show your husband the love of Christ by extending grace and mercy.

You know, marriage isn’t {or shouldn’t} be about how “I” can find happiness. It should be about how “we” can find happiness together.

Usually when a couple gets married they have big dreams about what their life will be like. They make plans, they talk and dream together, and they work together. They’re a team.

But far too often as time passes and hurts pile up… one day they are no longer working together. They may be living together but they lead separate lives. They’ve lost sight of their common goal.

In a healthy relationship, there is give and take. I give some and then you offer something back. You give some and I offer something back.

When hurts and resentment build and when bitterness creeps into a relationship, often the giving stops or at least slows way down. Sometimes to get things back onto an even keel again… one person has to do a lot more giving than taking until the relationship finds healing.

Could that person be you? God can use you to heal your marriage.

“Greater love has no one than this, that  he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Is your marriage in need of healing? How is God speaking to your heart today?

The Heart of Her Husband

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About Melissa Ringstaff

My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I've been blogging here at A Virtuous Woman since 2001. I'm a pastor's wife and homeschooling mom living in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern KY. I believe in finding freedom from perfection and living life with purpose and I want to help you do exactly that.

I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit with me. I hope we can be friends!

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This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bekah @ A Moment with MOM

    June 25, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    This is so encouraging! As a new wife and mommy this is PERFECT! Thank you :) Bekah, On behalf of - A Moment with MOM
    Reply
  2. Tammy

    June 27, 2013 at 6:52 am

    Love the 10 rules,I am going to put more energy into some of these rules.Even with a good marriage I feel you still need a check up. Thank-you Melissa for such good post's.
    Reply
  3. SARAH

    September 12, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Thank you.
    Reply
  4. Luz

    November 12, 2014 at 7:45 am

    Im so glad i read this cuz my relationship has gone downhills. I dont know how to fix it.
    Reply
  5. Heidi

    October 6, 2016 at 9:12 am

    Hi ive been married for 13 years and I'm struggling because I believe I am emotionally abused every time I want to talk about anything or anytime my husband is in a bad mood I am attacked with false accusations and he justifies all the hurtful things he says. He's always been this way. I did everything God has asked me to do and because of that he has come to the Lord. He has changed somewhat with less outbursts & rage. But, I Believe he is very emotionally immature and it's impossible to talk to him even using the correct approach such as "I feel this " & so on. At this point I've been praying even harder and my feelings I have for him I'm ashamed to admit. I feel I can't stand him and I see him as an enemy. But I'm still trying to be nice despite how I feel. I know that is what God wants and I know why. There has been a lot of emotional and verbal abuse to his step kids (my oldest 2 kids). And yes I forgave that but there has been times that his ugly character would come out and he would snap at them and their feelings of hate toward him come up again. I would talk to him and mention that I think that he needs to talk to them and he would snap at me and say he has already apologized numerous times ( which isn't the case). It's too hard for him to talk & apologize. Meanwhile this is what he calls me "judging him". I just want the peace. We are in marital counseling finally only because his pastor has told him to. Long story is he talked to my friend a few times without me knowing and I found out and was devastated. He realized it was wrong and he reached out to his counselor. I looked for consoling, reassurance, & love from him he acted like (from his words) that I asked way too much and didn't know what I wanted. Trust me. I was clear. I needed to know his love for me. I'm scared. I can't talk about anything with him. And our Christian counselor is focused on Him feeling safe when I am he one that needs to feel safe. Counselor also has read scripture that I need to obey etc... I know all about doing that. But this is not the issues. Other things counselor has said has really taken me back. Not once has counselor read scripture on how the husband should Not be harsh. Help ☹️
    Reply
    • Melissa Ringstaff

      October 30, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      Heidi, I want you to read the book: Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. He says that when a husband is abusive in any way that couples counseling is never a good idea because of exactly what you said - the counselor wants him to feel safe when it's really you that needs to feel safe. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
      Reply
  6. Kaylynn

    December 11, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    I've been feeling a lot of resentment and anger toward my fiancé lately. I'm a stay at home mother of a 1 yr old baby girl and a full time student. It's easy to feel bitter towards the person that gets to go out all day and be his own person. Here I was thinking he had changed, but I now realize that I might have done some changing too. It's such an incredible thing to work the Lord into your marriage, to let him shape your values, and we'll be working on that more. And I'll be learning to step back, appreciate, and overall GIVE more to my partner. Thank you for this!!!!
    Reply
  7. Jacquelyn | A Heavenly Home

    April 19, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    A very thoughtful article. I'm definitely sharing! Our marriage is sort of unique in that I am the spouse who works full-time outside the home and my husband is a stay-at-home dad to our two (soon-to-be three) boys. This pregnancy has been a lot harder on me physically than the first two, and I feel so wiped out when I finally get home. My husband is carrying the majority of the home and parenting duties right now, and he does an amazing job at it, but I still feel a little guilty when I have to lay down after dinner and cannot help with the kids. I know it is just a passing season and once this baby is born, things will slowly get back to our normal. (For reference: I've been pregnant or post-partum for the last 3.5 years straight.) However, I don't want my husband to feel... neglected or overworked or unsupported. Not that he has said he does. He is so kind and observant, and he is always taking care of me! Making sure I have enough to eat or soothing tea or time to rest. I mean, I know I'm the one working full time to pay the bills and cover the health insurance, but there are days when I feel like a mooch. Maybe it is just pregnancy brain overthinking things? I just can't give any more (physically) right now and probably won't until a few months after the new baby is born.
    Reply

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Hi There! My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I believe that being a Proverbs 31 Woman isn't about being perfect. Here at A Virtuous Woman you'll find freedom from perfection and the confidence to live your life with purpose.


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Freedom from perfection. 🪁
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Proverbs 31 for modern women. 👱‍♀️
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Life: @melissa.ringstaff

Melissa Ringstaff
Not gonna lie. 2020 was a hard year. And not just Not gonna lie. 2020 was a hard year. And not just because there was a pandemic. Our family has faced many trying times in the past but 2020 gave us some doozies.  I’m looking forward to a new year. The beginning of the new year always feels like a fresh start to me. It feels like HOPE.  But the truth is, whatever heartaches and hardships you and I were facing on Dec. 31 will most likely still be there on Jan. 1.  That’s why it’s hard to keep New Years resolutions. It’s easy to feel motivated for a few days or a couple weeks until we realize life hasn’t really changed and things are still hard.  But if we want to see real change it takes hard work and real effort. It takes showing up every day - even when it’s hard.  Whether that means working on your fractured relationships or setting healthy boundaries or cultivating self disciple... whatever that hard thing is that you need to work on ... it will only get better if you work on it.  We aren’t promised an easy life. But we are promised an “Ever Present Help in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1  *
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#faithblogger #faithfulness #faithandfamily #bibleverseaday #christianbloggers #dailyverses #christianlife #jesuscalling #shereadstruth#proverbs31women #proverbs31life #10virtues #daughteroftheking #jesuslovesme #womenoffaith #faithquotes #proverbs31
We’re coming into the new year with all the same We’re coming into the new year with all the same problems we had in the last year. And that’s okay! Life doesn’t have to be perfect to still be amazing. Perfectionism is a joy stealer. Let’s determine to enjoy life right now in all its messiness.  I believe you can find freedom from perfection and the confidence to live your life with purpose. #purposenotperfection  #christian #Jesus #love #quotes #quoteslife #quotestoliveby #godisgood #votd #lifequotes #inspirationalquotes #life #motivationalquotes #inspiration #bible #bb #bestoftheday #happiness #wordofgod
🏠 Being a homemaker is such an important role. 🏠 Being a homemaker is such an important role. It’s a ministry to your family and all who enter your home.  But I want you to know: You don’t have to be perfect. ❤️  There’s a fine line between teaching your children to be neat and insisting on perfection. No one can meet that kind of standard and it can be detrimental to the emotional health of your family.  What we want for our homes is to provide a space that is neat and clean enough that your family and friends feel comfortable and well loved.  There is freedom in accepting the fact that you’re not perfect. Not to make excuses for slovenliness - but to give yourself grace.  It’s when we recognize our weakness that we find ourselves reaching out to Jesus to receive the power that comes only from him. As homemakers, when we can find grace for the moment when we accept His Gift.  “But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the LORD our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage. Ezra 9:8  Let His Grace wash over you, cleanse your weary heart. Homemaking isn’t about creating a perfect space. It’s about creating a home where loved ones feel cared for and nurtured. 
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking #wearethehomemakers
❤️Your attitude about homemaking matters.⠀
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A homemaker by definition is someone who manages and makes a home. 🏠⠀
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But, anyone can clean and organize a home. ⠀
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☑️ Homemaking is about more than checking off the items on your to do list.⠀
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Learning how to be a homemaker means you learn how to make your home feel like haven of peace and love. You seek out ways to make your home feel inviting. You work at it.⠀
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There is no easy button for homemaking. There are easier, more efficient ways to do chores, but the chores still have to be done. If you live in a house, you will create the need for the house to be tidied every day and cleaned on a regular basis.⠀
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Having the right attitude about homemaking is the first step in learning how to be a homemaker.⠀
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The good news is, even if you’ve been struggling with your homemaking, you can always go to God and ask Him for help. ⠀
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He sees the unseen work of your hands. And He loves you very, very much. He wants to help you succeed. ⠀
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking  #youngwife #housewife
🙏 If you’ve found it difficult to have a regu 🙏 If you’ve found it difficult to have a regular time with Jesus every day, you’re not alone. Lots of busy Christian women struggle to find time for a daily prayer and devotion time. ⠀
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But I still want to encourage you to start your day with God! ⠀
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⏰ If it’s hard to spend 30 minutes in the morning for a quiet time, I want you to remember you can still begin your day with God – even if that means saying a short prayer before your feet hit the floor in the morning.⠀
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✝️ I also want to encourage you to memorize this verse:⠀
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“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.⠀
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8 📖⠀
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In the morning you can recite this verse and say a prayer. It doesn’t have to take a long time. Although – if you do have time – you will be greatly blessed by spending more time in prayer and devotion.⠀
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📌 Free Printable Morning Prayer Prompts on the blog today: https://avirtuouswoman.org/morning-prayer-prompts/  #linkinbio ⠀
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🏠 As a homemaker, one of my goals is to be inte 🏠 As a homemaker, one of my goals is to be intentional with how I plan our days. I love any opportunity to create a good memories at home for my family and guests. ⠀⠀
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📌 If you're looking to make this holiday season really special, you need to be intentional. Goodness knows 2020 has had a lot of ups and downs. And maybe you feel like it's been mostly downs. ⠀⠀
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🎄 But the holiday season is a chance to focus on celebrating the life we have right now. Things don't need to be perfect for us to celebrate life right now!!⠀⠀
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☑️ Inside the pages of my Purpose 31 holiday planner, you'll find 8 weeks of planning and cleaning all laid out for you. Recipe pages, journaling pages, and more - 120 pages total. ⠀⠀
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✏️ The Purpose 31 Holiday Planner is by far one of the most popular resource I produce each year. ⠀⠀
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Thousands of women have downloaded it over the last four years I've offered it.⠀⠀
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So, even though it's early still, you can go ahead and downlaod it. Print it out and then set it up so you're ready to go.⠀⠀
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I usually take my holiday planner down to Office Depot and have them spiral bind it with a plastic cover for about $5.00. This year, though, I just bought a new 3 ring binder at Walmart, printed off extra cover pages to slip in the clear sleeve, and created a binder with it. ⠀⠀
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📌📌📌 If you use the planner this year, be sure to share and tag me in your photos! ❤️⠀  Download: https://avirtuouswoman.org/holiday-planner/ #linkinbio
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking #christmas #holidayplanning #planningaddict #plannercommunity #freeprintables #thanksgiving #christmastree  #plannerobsessed
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