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Welcome to Day 12 of our series, From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home. Today we’re talking about the importance of being trustworthy and dependable as a wife.

From Chaos to Calm: Day Twelve

The Heart of Her Husband

Scripture Memory: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” Proverbs 31:11

You can download the .pdf version of this article here.

Trust

Trust is a powerful influence in our marriages. When we commit our lives to one man, we have made a commitment to be trustworthy. The most obvious form of trust in a marriage involves the bounds of monogamy. We trust that our spouse will remain faithful physically as well as emotionally to us.

This means that as wives, we will not allow ourselves to become involved with other men in any manner which would bring harm to our marriage relationship. The easiest way to not have an emotional or even physical affair is to never be alone with another man. Never confide your problems in another man. If you become emotionally dependant on someone other than your husband and God you are setting yourself up to be led astray. Remember that your husband is the head of you, just as Christ is the head of the church.

If you do become involved with a man other than your husband you will cause him pain, dishonor, hurt, and he will no longer trust you. You will risk losing your husband as well as your children and everything you hold dear. It is much better to simply “play it safe” and stay away from danger!

While adultery is one of the most painful forms of breaking trust there are many other ways we can cause our husbands to not trust us.

Are you dependable?

Can your husband know that if he needs to bring a co-worker home that the house will be reasonably neat? We will be looking at this in depth in a few days, but for now simply think about it. If your husband goes to work each day, can he trust that you will take care of your duties to the best of your ability?

If your husband asks you to make a phone call, do you forget? Do you think ahead and make plans to iron his shirts before they are needed?

Can he trust that your moods will remain relatively even most of the time and that he knows what to expect when he comes home? Or must he wonder what is in store for his arrival?

Do you make sure that basic items in your home are stocked for use? Do you run out of toothpaste or toilet paper unexpectedly? Do you have on hand his favorite drink or snacks if this is what pleases him?

Are you unorganized and lose papers, bills, or other documents on a regular basis? Do you fight to find socks or lose his favorite shorts in the pile?

Are you a thoughtful mother?

A husband knows his wife loves him by how well she treats his children. If you are always at your wits end, frustrated, yelling, crying, or just plain too busy to pay attention to the children what message is your husband receiving?

  • Do you insure that your children are clean and well groomed?
  • Do you speak softly and lovingly to your children when they need correction or do you punish them out of anger?
  • Do you feed your children well, or are you sloppy with their nourishment?
  • Do you train your children in the Lord’s way, or do you find it to be too hard?

Do you spend money unwisely?

So many women are guilty of spending money on wasteful items that bring little enjoyment, little value, and little worth to their homes.

Can your husband trust you to look for ways to save money on groceries? Can he trust you to do your best to see that food is not wasted due to not preparing it before it spoils or due to not using up what is left over?

Can your husband trust you not to spend too much money on food items that are weak and provide little to no nutrients for your family?

Can your husband trust you not to spend money lavishly on clothes, household items, or entertainment simply because you love to spend money? Or do you find yourself inventing ways to use up the money you have?

Can your husband trust you not to run him into debt?

As wives we should endeavor to be trustworthy in running our households – whether that means shopping for new clothes and groceries, caring for the little ones, or caring for our husbands needs.

Today, I simply want you to make a note of a few things you know you have been lacking on your part that might cause your husband not to trust you completely. We will be talking more about making lists and how list making can help you later in the challenge.

For today, make a list of things you need to remember – husband’s dry cleaning, children’s doctor’s appointments, groceries, etc. Keep it in a handy place, such as the kitchen counter or up on the refrigerator. Go back to it as often as possible to insure that you will not forget the little things that can mean so much.

Pray for a dependable spirit. Ask God to make you a trustworthy mate for your husband and for the will power to be reliable.

Click to Listen:

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From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home is a daily devotion – Monday through Friday for 15 Weeks by Melissa Ringstaff. The Audio Podcast gives you extra ideas to go along with the email series or e-book.

Action Steps to Take Today

  1. Pray and ask God to show you the areas you need to work on in your marriage so that your husband can feel confident.
  2. If you are struggling with being dependable or trustworthy, it can be helpful to find a friend or family member to help you stay accountable.
  3. Download my free printable Bible Promises for a Happy Marriage below, if desired.
  4. Trust that God is going to work and that He’s already answering your prayers!

Free Printable Bible Verses for a Happy Marriage

9 Bible Promises for a Happy Marriage @ AVirtuousWoman.org
9 Bible Promises for a Happy Marriage

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How do you keep your husband’s trust?

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My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I've been blogging here at A Virtuous Woman since 2001. I'm a pastor's wife and homeschooling mom living in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern KY. I believe in finding freedom from perfection and living life with purpose and I want to help you do exactly that.

I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit with me. I hope we can be friends!

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19 Comments

  1. I honestly started reading this blog out of fascination. You are encouraging woman to take everything in on themselves. It is their jobs to make the home "perfect" for him. "Since he works so hard right? And I sit on my butt all day at home just trying to think of things that will please him, and make him not want to look else where for things. My day isn't busy doing nine million thankless jobs, that no one else thinks it might be thoughtful, or helpful to do!" Realistically, most men, not all, are thoughtless creatures, that just want to sit on their butts playing video games, and have you to make them sandwiches! Or maybe I just got the pick of the litter.......
    Reply
    1. Hi Kelsey, I understand totally your frustration. A lot of men don't appreciate their wives the way they should. Even my husband can be thoughtless at times and often I don't think he realizes how hard a job I have at home. I hear pain in your voice and I am so sorry for that. It's not that we need to make our homes "perfect." Perfection does not exist. Home should be a haven, not only for our husbands, but for our children, too. Not every husband is lazy, but non one's husband is perfect. My husband does work hard and he doesn't sit around playing video games and he does go out of his way to be thoughtful most days. Notice I said "most days." But there are times when I think he's a complete jerk because of something he says or does. I'm not perfect either. I suggest you begin to pray about your situation. I don't know the circumstance you are in and my heart goes out to you. You might want to read my article: 10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband and Have a Happy Marriage. If you are being emotionally abused, it is not okay. I have written about that here: Emotional Abuse Is Not Okay and here: Anger and Emotional Abuse in Marriage. Marriage is hard. We need to have Grace Filled Marriages. I pray that your heart is healed and that your husband treats you with the love of Christ. If you have any questions, please let me know. God bless you!
      Reply
  2. Wow! You really are such a sweet patient woman. Thank you for your kindness, wonderful advice, and for not judging me. I'm sorry for being rude, and for my sweeping generalizations. I'm frustrated at the moment, and I was wrong to take it out on you. My husband and I have something's to work on, and I guess I was just jealous at how positive you were. Thank you for your example. I'm now looking at this blog as a resource. Again, thank you so much for your patience, and kindness! You'll never know how huge that was to me.
    Reply
  3. When I read the above comments, my heart rejoiced! I know that I was unhappy with many things my husband did or did not do for many years. But it turned out, he wasn't the problem...I was the problem. I was suffering depression, expected him to be perfect and to fulfill that need in me to be happy, and he just kept failing....because that wasn't his job! God never designed that to be a husband's job. When I focused 100% on God, and what God was asking me to do in my life, my husband responded to that, and because I became more content with who I am, and that God accepts me that way, I became able to be content with even imperfection in my marriage. I will never be perfect. I should not expect any other person to be perfect. We have been married nearly 14 yrs and I would not trade a minute of it for anything.
    Reply
  5. I am my husband's care giver. I am also disabled myself. I PRAISE THE LORD that we don't have major issues. We "take our pulse" so to speak each day with a what do you need me to do and a can you do this or can you try. Some days just being able to sit on the patio for a few minutes is all we can do without falls or massive amounts of pain. So just being there keeps the trust. Laughing at his jokes and enjoying his stories of when...watching him tell about how he did. "_______" and did you hear about it? And seeing him get excited when the other person was there and he rescued them.....40 years later. The other stuff we are working on...LOL
    Reply
  7. Good morning Melissa, I have sincerely enjoyed the devotions with you. This has been a goal for me to be a more loving wife to my husband. Here is my struggle: my husband and I both work outside the home. Actually I work more than he does. I enjoy making sure my home is still in order and everyone has what they need. But I often feel disrespected when I have spent a day working and come home to my husband and kids to find that dinner isn't being prepared (even though I left a note what we would be eating) or that nothing around the house is done. Or that my husband wants something and we discuss money and finances and so I will pick up extra shifts to cover expenses but then get guilt for working so much. I love making sure my house is in order, that everyone has what they need. And I love to love on my kids and husband. But I often find myself feeling like I am being walked on like a doormat. I pray to God to help me find my faults and make me a better and stronger wife and mother. Any thoughts?
    Reply
    1. Sarah, this is a tough situation to be in, I'm sure. If you have not done so already, I would suggest you sit down together and have a family meeting. Talk about what is important to run the household, what your husband expects, what you desire, how you feel frustrated. It's important not to point fingers and talk about your own feelings and not talk about what your husband does wrong. Don't use words like, "You never..." or "You always..." or "I wish you wouldn't..." Instead say, "I feel hurt when dinner isn't ready and I have to work late." Ask your husband if he wants you to work and how much he wants you to work. Then, if he says yes, he wants you to work extra hours, then explain that you need more help around the house if you are going to work extra hours outside the home. Also, enlist your kids help with age appropriate tasks. My older kids will fix meals when I need them to. Also, I would suggest you read the book, Boundaries in Marriage: http://amzn.to/1UnwCNq And, here's a great article on what boundaries in marriage means: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/02/08/how-to-build-better-boundaries-in-your-marriage/
      Reply
  8. My husband and I never meet with someone of the opposite sex alone, not even in a public place like a coffee shop. We always have a third party present. Ideally it's one of us. Sometimes that's not possible so we take a trusted friend. God tells us to avoid all appearances of evil. Having an innocent cup of coffee with even a family friend can have the appearance of evil.
    Reply
    1. That's so true, Susan. Good advice! But even more than the appearance of evil, it's dangerous for husbands or wives to meet with a friend of the opposite sex for conversation because it can be all to easy for lines to be crossed and an emotional affair begun - which can lead to more.
      Reply
  9. Ok... I'm behind a bit on my days. Life happens. But the last couple of days have really spoken to me because I am very hard to deal with at times and I know I don't make things easy for my husband. So I have enjoyed trying to not be critical and to stay positive. I have failed many times just in the past what 4 days? LOL But I'm trying. Today's was really hard for me to get through though. I'm not a stay at home mom... And so some of the things don't apply to our lifestyle. Instead my husband and I work together and are together 95% of our time. (The other day when we were tested to great our husband at the door I teased him and told him he needed to let me have a 10 second head start so I could great him) :) I deal with a lot of frustrations daily! And sometimes I deal with it well, and other days I don't. But I am really trying to be a more submissive wife and a caring and patient wife and mother. But does my house being a wreck M-F mean I'm not doing my job as a wife well? I feel like I'm already ran so thin, but to try and keep a spotless home throughout the week almost seems impossible. That's not to say as a family we don't clean during the week, but with three children 8 and under, it's hardly ever spotless, or stays that way long! And we do it as a FAMILY. Everyone chips in, including husband. Again... Does that mean I'm failing in that department? Thank you for all your encouraging words!
    Reply
    1. Michelle, I don't think you're failing! I think you are doing the best you can under your current circumstances. My house is not spotless most days and I'm a stay at home mom. I mean honestly, my schedule is crazy and I have days when nothing much at all gets done around the house. Not that anyone should base their standards on me! That doesn't mean we both couldn't learn better ways to make life easier and keeping up with household chores easier, but if you're doing the best you can with your house - it's much more important that your home be filled with laughter, joy, and lots of love than it is for your house to be neat all the time.
      Reply
  10. Hi Melissa, I'm a mother of two, took in again when my last baby was 2 months, he's heading 7 months already. Well the problem here is I'm a realtor, I work from home most often cos I have Consultants working for me, but though I still go out to get clients. Getting up early to do the chores, bath my kids and myself then feed them and make food, for me and hubby can be way stressful, and then getting back to work in my home. I nearly had a miscarriage, I bled so heavy and was rushed to the hospital. But the baby and I are safe now. I don't know if it'll be a good idea to get a nanny. And I'd love to add that I suffered depression due to some emotional challenges, but always changing my mood to a very bad one, and making me hate everything around me including my husband. My husband can be disrespectful at times due to his profession, he's an Actor and a Movie Producer. He is really a good man and trying his best for me and the kids, but just that the women involved are making me go nuts. Never had him red handed though I see chats and other things, but he'll never admit his wrongs.
    Reply
    1. Hi Bernadine, I'm so sorry you are going through so much right now. It sounds to me like your husband may not be a good husband if he's disrespecting you and talking to other women. I don't know enough about your situation to give good advice, but I would love to see you get help or talk to a professional who specializes in marriage. I don't personally recommend Bible counselors because they don't have the best training, but a good licensed family therapist would be good to talk to.
      Reply

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