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Child Training {Day 20}

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How to Train Up a Child @ AVirtuousWoman.org

From Chaos to Calm: Day Twenty

Child Training

Scripture Memory: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

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I remember holding my son for the very first time and gazing with wonder that he was mine. What would he become? The answer to that question was found not in a book, but in my willingness to patiently teach him day by day.

James was my first and I had prepared myself as best I could for the job of being a mom. I read every book I could get my hands on. I wanted to know the best ways to do everything from feeding him to disciplining him.

That was nearly twenty years ago. One thing I have learned is that on the job training never ends. There is always more to learn. As a baby grows into a child and then into a teenager the problems a mother is faced with grow and change and only get more complex.

I now have five beautiful children of my own and through the years have learned that children require a great deal of patience and teaching. With each child I have learned better ways and new ways of dealing with the same problems. In all honesty, there are things I wish I could go back and change, but, unfortunately, any mistakes we make as moms cannot be undone.

How can a mother raise a child who loves the Lord, works hard, and is kind to others when this world encourages immorality?

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How to Train Up a Child @ AVirtuousWoman.org

7 Ways to Train Up a Child

Begin as soon as possible.

Whether you have a newborn baby or teen, begin setting an example for Godly living today. It will be easier to change bad habits in a very young child than an older child, but it is possible to teach children at any age.

Be consistent.

One of the biggest mistakes moms make is being inconsistent. When you tell your child the rules, follow through. If little Johnny knows he is not supposed to jump on the sofa, do not ignore the bad behavior because you don’t feel like dealing with a fuss or because you are busy.

Be patient.

Being a mom is not always easy. You will have to teach your child the same principles over and over… and over again. Sometimes these teaching moments will be painful. When your child tests your resolve by mouthing off, it pains your heart. Patience will help you to deal with the disobedience without losing your cool. Patience will also help you to enjoy those many teachable moments. For instance, my children crowd around me in the kitchen to help. Often when cooking supper, I am rushed and wanting to get supper on the table fast. However, if I take the time to let the children stir the batter, tear the salad, or flip the patties, I have taught them how to love by my willingness to be patient.

Be firm.

Children need to know their limits. If you allow your child complete freedom without setting specific limits, you will raise children who are out of control and rude. Parents who set reasonable rules for their children have children who are secure in their love and who are able to respect authority on a greater leave, i.e. teachers, employers, the government. Remember – if you say NO, do not give in and say YES. Whining, badgering, and complaining should never be a reason to change your mind. You will teach your children that if they beg long enough you will eventually wear down.

Be an example.

If it is important to you that your children are well mannered, respect others, and work hard set the standard by your own behavior. Children learn more by watching you that they do by listening to you. Always remember to say please and thank you. If your child brings you a flower or helps to clean up, tell him thank you. When you are thoughtful of the needy in your church or community, you are setting a good example. If you want your child to learn to be neat, make sure you keep your own things picked up.

Be fun.

Motherhood will pass by faster than you could ever imagine. I am still in shock that my son is almost 16! I wish I had realized years ago how much I wanted to hang onto the precious times we had together. Read to your child daily. Play games with your child. Laugh with your child. Explore the world together. Find the magic in the everyday moments. Snuggle as much as possible.

Be a witness.

Giving a solid foundation of Biblical teaching is the greatest gift you can give your child. Pray with your child every morning and every night. Read the Bible together. Study together. Talk about the Scriptures and how the Bible applies to today. Show your child what it means to live a Godly life.

There will be times when you feel that all your hard work is not working! But you can trust God when he says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

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What do you struggle with most as a mom?

Books to Read

  1. The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary D. Chapman, PhD
  2. Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford
  3. Fifteen Minutes Outside: 365 Ways to Get Out of the House and Connect with Your Kids by Rebecca Cohen
  4. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham
  5. Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Shauna Shapiro, PhD
  6. The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson
  7. Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: 9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less, Sleep More, and Restore Your Passion for Life by Crystal Paine

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23 Comments

  1. I love, love, love being a mom. And I have to say, God has blessed me with two awesome little women! My most difficult task of mothering is not getting snappy when I get tired. I pray for patience, and at the end of most days I tap in to that deep well. Some days...I don't treat my children as the gift they are and I'll get impatient with them. By God's grace they forgive me when I apologize. I'm blessed.
  2. I am loving your series! These are a great way to start off my day. I am having trouble with the sound on yesterday's and today's devotions. It is not playing sound at all.
    1. Hi Max, I was a little confused about your comment. Then I realized you must be referring to the book by the Pearls. No I have never read that book. My article, Child Training, is 100% my own content and there is no quote from the book by the Pearls. There is nothing in my article to suggest to parents that they should use corporal punishment. Did you read the article? I appreciate your comment and I'm sorry for any misunderstanding. I hope you'll come back again soon. God bless you.
      1. I am so sorry about the comment I made earlier. I had in fact mixed up the two articles. I started pain medication a few days ago for a severe skin infection and in my lulled state I must have gotten them confused. I hope you are able to accept my apology because I did not mean to compare you to the Pearls.
  3. Good advice Melissa, I like your list and see it as Biblical. Regarding the comment above by Max, it is always a shock to me how many people give Michael and Debi Pearl a bad name by pinning child-abuse and cause of death on their name due to their child training books :/ I normally don't comment, but I felt that their ministry deserves to have someone "Shout Out" that nothing could be farther from the truth, as far as people hating them, calling them terrible, death-causing, a cult, etc. It's truly sad. Since before my husband and I had our first child of 4 children total, we were blessed beyond measure by reading all the Pearl's books regarding marriage and child rearing. NONE of their books promote child-abuse, but I believe what most people who view their books as evil have never read the books themselves, instead, they listen to the media, and to any second-hand information without facts. Anyway, all that to say that what you have written, and what the Pearl's have to say, is the same, but your's is quick and simple layout since it's just one blog post. Just wanted to be a voice for truth. I found your blog through Pinterest and Lisa Jacobson. I have been blessed to read your posts. God bless you and your family as you seek to please Him in everything you do! :)
    1. Summer, so glad you found A Virtuous Woman and hope you'll visit with me again soon! Like I told Max, I have not personally read the book Child Training by the Pearls so I can't testify as to what is in it, but I appreciate your thoughts on it! Thanks so much for sharing!
  4. I have a great deal of change to make when it comes to patience with my children. I pray that with reflection on this post and prayer God will guide me to make those changes. Thank you for this post because I have been brought to it at a perfect time in my life.
  5. I had to read your article twice because of its title. I vehemently disagree with the previous poster who said the Pearls are wonderful. I recommend reading the blog Why Not Train a Child (http://whynottrainachild.com), which provides thought-provoking arguments against the Pearls' teachings.
    1. Melissa, I just want to clarify that I have not personally read the book by the Pearls and this article is not based on their book. I cannot testify as to what's in their book because I have not read it. The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go." Proverbs 22:6. This article is based on my own experience raising five children. Please notice that I don't talk about spanking or corporal punishment in this article or anywhere on my site. I personally believe in gentle and compassionate, but firm mothering. :)
  6. Melissa: I apologize if it sounded as though I had implied you had read the book. That wasn't my intent. :P I have personally read it, and I was thoroughly appalled. I, like you, believe in firm, but gentle and compassionate parenting.
  7. Hi, just wanted to let you know I'm also having trouble with the sound from yesterday and today's podcasts. For me there is no sound. Am loving the series though so thanks for doing it I can appreciate the time and effort you must be putting in. Thanks Sian
  8. I love this challenge it has been Eyre opening and inspiring. Thank you. I wanted to ask some advice. My husband struggles with anger and a lot of times I feel so unloved. I pray for him daily but I don't see much happening. What do u recommend, how should I pray. He's not abusive by no means but I feel like I love him soooo much more then he does me. I'm at a lose I just don't know what else to try.?
  9. Dear Mellisa, I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your Chaos to Calm. I am learning a lot. Also, just wanted to say your right on in Train up a Child, it is so important to enjoy your kids. Play games, cuddle and just love them up. I lost my 13 year old boy 6 months ago. And I wish I did those things more. Thanks, Joy
  10. I loved this! It is filled with hope and inspiration for our children's future! This helps me to see, that I am training my child up right, in a world that sees training differently. Thank you so much for writing this!

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