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How to Be an Encouragement to Your Husband | Day 10

ByMelissa Ringstaff
This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

Welcome to Day 10 of our series, From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home. Today we’re talking about how important it is to be an encouragement to your husband.

From Chaos to Calm: Day Ten

Be An Encouragement

Scripture Memory: “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

You can download the .pdf version of this article here.

I want you to really look at the verse above. This is such a powerful and important verse. As a wife, this pertains strictly to you! We will be focusing on this verse for the next few days. Be sure to copy it into your prayer journal and read it daily! You might even want to print it onto a pretty piece of paper and stick it up on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror or someplace where you will see it often during the day.

related: Praying through Proverbs 31 | a Proverbs 31 Prayer

I love the chapter of Proverbs 31. It reminds me of who God wants me to be – not who the world would have me be. “She will do him good all the days of her life.”

I should ask myself this question each evening – Have I blessed my husband today with goodness or have I treated him poorly today? Reflect on that thought in the evening and if the answer is not one you like, wake up the following day with a determination to change.

Today, I want to focus specifically on encouragement. Are you an encouragement to your husband? When your husband goes out into the world and works hard, he is often bombarded by negativity. He may work with people who are not Christians. He may hear foul language on a regular basis. He might even be faced with temptations through out the day that you are completely unaware of.

When he comes home is he faced with more of the same? Do you rebuke his efforts to provide a good life for your family by being disgruntled in the evening and having a “woe is me” attitude?

Pay attention to the things you say. If you have complaints about your day, take them to the Lord in prayer. Do not unload them on your husband as soon as he walks in the door. No one wants to come home to a list of unfortunate events.

You may have had a bad day. But what impression are you giving your husband if all you do when he walks in the door is cry, pout, or complain about:

  • the unruly children
  • the mess in the house
  • the toilet that the two year old clogged
  • the fact that you were lonely
  • the lack of material possessions you want
  • the fact that you think he should be making more money
  • and the list could go on and on and on!

If you need to talk about something hard, give him time to relax and ask him when would be a good time to talk.

Remember how you believed in him when you first got married? You believed he was a great catch. You believed he would provide well for you. You believed that he would conquer the world for you.

Instead of complaining about all that you wish you had or your frustrations as a mother, try encouraging his efforts with words of comfort and love.

The Bible says, “…love one another with a pure heart fervently…” (1 Peter1:22). If he has had a bad day – don’t make it worse when he comes home. Greet him with a smile – regardless of how bad your day was! Thank him for working so hard. Tell him you believe in him when no one else does. Demonstrate your love by caring gently and patiently with your children – this will encourage him.

A man’s life is rarely easy. Home should be a respite from the demands of life. Bless him with goodness. Welcome him home to peace and love and gentle words. Learn to be content with what he has been able to provide.

When you complain about the old furniture or complain about not having the latest fashions or when you complain about not having a nice car or even complain about his job – you are dragging him down and not being an encouragement.

Usually, a husband who has a pleasant wife is a husband who desires to give her the world. He may never be able to afford the luxuries the world has to offer, but the desire will be there. He will want to better their life the best of his ability and God given talent. When you squash that desire you have essentially taken away something priceless that no amount of money can buy.

related: Anger and Emotional Abuse within Marriage

Whether you husband is out of work, frustrated at work, wishing he could do better for you – you need to realize that so much of his identity is tied to his work. If he feels that nothing he does pleases you, he will become even more frustrated. So, remember to encourage his spirit with appreciation and kind words. Also, remember to be sympathetic to his troubles. Have an understanding heart. Believe in him, encourage him, and he will feel that nothing is impossible!

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From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home is a daily devotion – Monday through Friday for 15 Weeks by Melissa Ringstaff. The Audio Podcast gives you extra ideas to go along with the email series or e-book.

From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home @ AVirtuousWoman.org

From Chaos to Calm eBook

If you’ve been struggling with your home, your marriage, your children, or just life in general this might be the answer you have been waiting for! Inside the pages of this ebook you will spend 15 weeks working toward a goal for:

– peace in the heart
– peace in the home
– peace with our husbands
– peace with our children

Here’s some more inspiration:

Suggested Books

Action Steps to Take Today

  1. Pray and ask God to show you how you can be an encouragement to your husband.
  2. Repent of any unkindness you may have shown your husband that was undeserved and ask God to help you be a kind and loving wife.
  3. Download my free printable 30 Ways to Pray for Your Husband Bookmarks below, if desired.
  4. Think of something nice you can do for your husband today when he comes home from work and then do it!

Free Printable Prayer Bookmarks

Free Printable Praying for My Husband Bookmarks @ AVirtuousWoman.org
Praying for My Husband Bookmarks

How to Get the Printable

  1. Just fill out the form below and you’ll receive an email giving you instant access to this free printable.
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How do you encourage your husband? Do you have any questions? Ask me!

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My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I've been blogging here at A Virtuous Woman since 2001. I'm a pastor's wife and homeschooling mom living in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern KY. I believe in finding freedom from perfection and living life with purpose and I want to help you do exactly that.

I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit with me. I hope we can be friends!

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110 Comments

  4. Thank you so much for linking back to my "10 Ways" post on my blog, Humble Handmaid. I'm excited to find another blog (yours!) to put on my favorites list! God bless! :)
    Reply
  6. Thank you so much for getting those for me. I am downloading the series because I am starting from Day 1. This seems like an answer to prayer. My life has felt so out of control lately. Between this and the Spring Cleaning for the Heart and Home Series I feel like I have my focus back! Thank you again!! :)
    Reply
  7. Thank you for this. I am trying to be a better wife and this is just what I need, so it's an answer to prayer.
    Reply
  8. Wow! Thank you! I really needed to hear this today. Thinking I will print it out as a gentle reminder. He truly is a wonderful man who does everything to provide a beautiful home and life for us and even after 20 years it is important not to let a day go by without reminding him how very much I love and appreciate him.
    Reply
  9. Thank you! I've been reading a book called Love and Respect with the same message. In todays world wives need to hear this, cause these words are the heart and soul of a healthy and happy marriage. God bless.
    Reply
  10. Thank you for the encouragement to be encouragers to our husbands. I'm so glad many have been helped by this post. I just wanted to add a thought about how it is possible that a wife who is going through struggles like depression, special needs child(ren), or other difficult circumstances might read this and find that she ought to be perfectly happy and cheery for her husband all the time and that she is sinning if she is not. I wonder if you could address this. Thank you!
    Reply
    1. Hi Anna! You made a good point! I will try to address this topic soon! God bless you! Oh, and thanks so much for stopping by today and visiting with me! I hope we can get to know each other better. :)
      Reply
  12. Wow! Thank you so much. I really needed to be reminded of this. It's so important to encourage our husbands, and to be a support to them in whatever way needed. I'm dealing with a grieving husband right now. (He just lost his father.) So I am trying to be understanding. & at the same time provide the space for him to grieve & process his feelings. We have to find the "new normal". So my selfish feelings of wanting to jump right back into our normal reality had to be put to the side to yield to his feelings. But I'm trusting & believing God for him. That soon the morning will come. God bless you & thanks again.
    Reply
  13. Love your site! My marriage is a little rocky right now..but I always need to remember that no matter what he will always will be my husband and the father of my child...pray for my family..
    Reply
  14. Love this! I have now gotten this message twice today in different ways. I forget to build my husband up frequently, I can do better. I am blessed with a dependable and loving husband who works hard, and he needs to know I know that more often.
    Reply
  15. Thank you for this reminder! Sometimes I forget to turn to God with my issues, and instead turn to my Hunnie. I have to remember that this will not help anything, but only burden him. The Lord is not burdened by our troubles, and we need to lift up our men!
    Reply
  17. OK...I have to admit, my flesh rose up a little bit! But God is quick to forgive. Personally, I've been walking through marriage problems, seperation, infidelity, etc...but god holds the keys and as hard as it is to be encouraging in difficult times, it is necessary. Even when husbands dont respond the way we'd like, we are all responsible for our own actions and behavior. Really glad I ran across this today. Thanks!
    Reply
    1. Hi Amanda, I can totally understand. Sometimes we have to completely die to ourselves to find the grace to love our husbands in the midst of turmoil. God bless you! I hope and pray you find peace and joy in your marriage!
      Reply
  18. Everything I've read here, has been a great blessing to my life and marriage. Thanks for sharing and for such beautiful work. God bless you.
    Reply
  19. While I believe it is an important part of a marriage to encourage your husband, I couldn't help but feel like I was reading a 1950s article on how to be a good housewife. Don't complain, don't ask for anything, don't be in a bad mood when he comes home from work. This is 2013 and the majority of women also work. Am I supposed to lay out his slippers and have his tumbler of scotch waiting as well?
    Reply
    1. Hi Helene, I understand you are frustrated. I wrote this article with Stay at Home Moms in mind. I'm a SAHM. I always have been except for the few years I was a single mom. If you've ever been on the receiving end of a spouse who comes home and is routinely in a bad mood, you would know how devastating that can be to a relationship. I've been there. There is no reason in my mind why we as wives and mothers can't CHOOSE to be pleasant for not only our husband's but for the sake of our children. That's not to say there aren't times when grief, sorrow, or distress happen. But let's try counting our blessings instead of dwelling on the negative. Home should be a haven. I have told my husband not to come home in a bad mood because it ruins my day. He should be pleasant when he walks in the door despite his stress level. It's common courtesy. This article is for women who value their relationship with their husband. Jesus said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 It's okay, even right, to lay down your "life" for your husband. And it is right for him to "lay down his life for you". If you work outside the home, the same principles apply. Why not make your husband's life a little easier? That's what love does. Hopefully he will try and make your life a little easier too. You might want to read my article: 10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband and Have a Happy Marriage. Emotional, physical, and verbal abuse are not okay. If you are in a bad situation, you need to get help. I have written about Emotional Abuse here and Anger and Emotional Abuse here. God bless you in your marriage!
      Reply
  20. I think your heart is in the right place Melissa, but implying that I am not dedicated to my husband ("This article is for women who value their relationship with their husband") or that I am in a bad relationship is pretty judgemental. I am a Christian, but I guess I'm just not up to snuff for this site. I don't believe it is a Christians role in life to judge other people. I am in a wonderful relationship, have been for the past 17 years, but i am also a modern woman with modern ideas. Negativity does breed negativity - I'll give you that, but wow! I think this article just goes a bit far with the , "Thou shalt not disrespect thou husband.." bull.
    Reply
    1. Hi Helen, it was not my intent to insinuate that you do not value your relationship with your husband. Nor did I did I mean to insinuate that you are in a bad situation. How can I possibly know since I don't know you? I was merely offering help to you in the event that you were. A lot of women come to me whose husbands do not treat them well to the point of abuse. I am a modern woman, too. I work from home - which is not easy. I am an author with deadlines and a professional blogger and this is my "job." I have four kids still at home that I homeschool not to mention everything else and every other outside obligation that I have. I stay very, very busy and I expect/ want my husband to realize how busy I am and to respect my time and to understand that sometimes I am completely exhausted and need help around the house and/ or plain out rest. But that does not mean I can't be pleasant when my husband comes home. He does have a very high stress job. In fact, statistics have shown that Pastor's and their families have incredible amount of stress that often negatively impacts the family. I apologize for any misunderstanding. I am sure you are a loving wife and I hope your husband appreciates you fully.
      Reply
  22. Melissa this article was an amazing blessing to me, as I mentioned before. We are all "modern" women, but that just means we live in 2013 :). Each of our lives is so differen't. Your article reminded me to leace my earthly pride behind and embrace my heavenly father's grace extended to each of us. LOVE anyway. Even if they dont't change or notice. Maybe that means getting my husbands slipets for me. Maybe it means giving soft answers when they are upset and unreasonable, and not fueling the fire. Jesus washed the dirty stinky feet of His dicsiples. I can get my husbands slippers. I think we get to caught up in societies expectations. What does God want us to do? It's differen't for each ofbus but the same purpose. Sometimes God asks us to sacrifice yeats of our life to reach someone else.
    Reply
  23. (So sorry about the spelling). My point is, we all are called to be servants, not just to our husbands, through God's love. We can't do it on our own of course. God makes up the difference. I truly hope that Helene and others will be blessed by your message as I was. :)
    Reply
  24. Why should I make such an effort with my husband? He is already bloody lucky to have a wife like me - what's he going to do for me? that's what I keep asking myself. All of the above is just a bit pathetic if you ask me. Get a grip girls!
    Reply
    1. Hi Jennifer, I realize not everyone agrees with me - that's okay! I stand by what I said. Our husbands needs us as wives to love and support and encourage them on a daily basis. Hopefully, as you serve your husband and nurture his spirit he will return the good will. God bless you!
      Reply
  26. Melissa, I just finished day 10 of your "Chaos to Calm" series. I have been praying for the tools I needed to be a better wife and mother, and I came across your site. I can't thank you enough. I definitely had a heart of expectation rather than one of service and was so disgruntled despite all the blessings in my life. It seems so silly to even say, but I honestly didn't think serving my family is serving God. I struggled to find a purpose to my everyday life, and didn't notice what God is asking of me. I feel so much more content and eager to learn by doing my morning devotions (I was not doing this previously) and following your series. My husband has even commented that I am "doing a good job with my life" and he is glad to come home to a more peaceful house. I just wanted you to know how much your words are doing for me. Thank you again. God Bless, Hilary
    Reply
  27. This is not 1952. Today's successful marriages are built from MUTUAL love, consideration, communication, and respect. I value my husband as a CO-parent, a CO-income earner, and we equally share chores and errands and running children around and getting groceries when he is not deployed. And guess what.... We have had a wonderful marriage of 15 years. We have hot date nights and appreciate the efforts of one another as equals. I'm struggling with understanding your position, but I do respect it. Your last comment to Jennifer said "hopefully as you serve your husband he will return the good will". Hopefully as you serve your husband? Can you understand how a good many modern women would feel like comments like that set us back a few decades? The context of scripture and how it applies to our daily lives evolves, and no human being was put on this earth to serve anyone but The Lord. Have a good day Melissa and thanks for at least creating the dialogue.
    Reply
    1. Jen, wow. I do appreciate your comment despite the uncivil tone. I try to be gracious to everyone who visits. I'm sorry you were offended. I do not advocate women being mistreated by their husbands. It's true that many marriages are not what they should be. And if a wife is being mistreated, she should seek out help from a pastor, a trusted friend, counselor, or even a women's shelter if needed. I do not believe that women should allow their husbands to use or abuse them whether it be mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally, or sexually. I even have several articles about abuse in Christian marriages. I'm not really sure why women get so offended at the idea of supporting and encouraging their husbands? Isn't that what we do for the ones we love? Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13 Isn't your husband your best friend? And yes, the Bible says: "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:1 Submission is not about being a slave. It's about respecting your husband and following his lead. We cannot control our husbands, which is why I said to Jennifer what I said. And no, Scripture does not evolve. Some things were done away with at the cross such as the Law of Moses, Sacrifice and Oblation because Jesus was the Lamb Slain from the Foundation of the World. Malachi 3:6 says, "For I am the LORD, I change not." Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." We can't pick and choose what we want to follow.
      Reply
    2. Jen, I wanted to make another point. By suggesting that as a wife I should serve, support, and encourage my husband is in no way suggesting that a husband should not do the same. However, this website is called A Virtuous Woman - not A Virtuous Man. I don't write for men, I write to encourage women to follow God's will for their lives. I'm sure there are other websites geared toward men which teach them to love, honor, and cherish their wives.
      Reply
    3. Whatever happened to the deepest act of serving that Jesus modeled with his disciples before his crucifixion, by washing the feet of his disciples?? If he was here, just to serve God alone, he would have not taken down the robe of his amazing power and glory and taken up the towel of the lowest servant that would do the foot washing and serve his disciples in such a meek way. John 13:14-15: "If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you." How many times did we actually bend down, lay aside our pride and entitlement and wash our husband's feet, figuratively speaking. I missed on this opportunity many times and I am deeply ashamed by my unwilling heart to serve him. I am one of the modern women who runs a business and it involved a lot of time inside and outside of the home, while I'm taking care of four kids, as well and running the home. I am failing in many places and it would probably much easier for me to honor and serve a stranger than my own. My own have to understand what a difficult life I have and they HAVE to help and serve me, the working mom. How wrong that is... as I'm serving my customers with a glad heart, so I should serve my own first and foremost.
      Reply
  28. Amen! It's nice to hear about marriages that are 50/50. It's also a reality that most marriages aren't like that. Sometime the wife gives 80% in one area, and the husband only 20%, and vice versa. We all have an ideal of what we want marriage to be. God had the perfect plan for what marriage could be. There is no one size fits all earthly relationship. Putting other wives out there down because they are willing to do what God asks, to sacrifice and serve, is to be expected in this world. However, these same wives can attest to the fact that living life God's way, and making the best of a not perfect life, is still satisfying. Because God is in it. Let's not put eachother down for being willing to serve. That's not slave, its serve. Serving is a choice, and I am happy to serve. Whatever it takes to reflect Gods love, to turn hearts to Him. How sad would it be, how empty would heaven be without these sacrifices? How much more willing will many husbands be to stop and seek God when they gave such a loving example at their side? Our hearts should yearn to serve, that as many as possible could be saved. Are we always patient with a servants heart? Well, no. I pray the days I have a bad attitude when life is unfair, that God will make up the difference :)
    Reply
  29. Melissa, I want to thank you for sharing with women topics that are so essential in making us Godly women who are virtuous according to the word and not the world's standards. Although, I'm no longer married, there are hopes for it to take place again within the near future. My desire is be a helpmate to my spouse and apply the teachings you have here and that I have l already learned in studying and else where. I'm a modern woman but I believe in the correct order that God has outlined for us in His word for marriage. As I evolve into the woman God wants me to be, I thank Him for other women like yourself who follow this order and share with other women the same. It appears this is becoming a mission for me to be a Titus 2:3-5 woman. As I learned, I will share. Thanks again!
    Reply
  30. Hey Melissa! I just found your blog through pinterest. I wanted to go back and read this from day one of the encouragement series. Can you lead me there? I am having trouble finding it. Thank you so much!
    Reply
    1. Hi Alyssa, so glad you stopped by today! You'll find the series here: http://avirtuouswoman.org/from-chaos-to-calm-15-weeks-to-a-happy-home-podcast-and-devotion/ Hope you enjoy! Let me know if you have any other questions. God bless you and your family. :)
      Reply
  31. Happy Tuesday Melissa! I have just found one portion your article and am hoping that I might follow the rest. My reason for comment is to say "Thank you". Unfortunately, my marriage did not survive the trials and testing of this time, I have been divorced for 3 years now. I wish I had been more of the Godly woman that you presented here. While I feel that I was all I could be at the time, we all have to own up to the fact that as women, we have a great need that our husbands aren't always able to meet. That is when the knowledge of God's place in our marriage fills the gaps. It is so wonderful that you are a leader, encourager and teacher to those who don't understand or know these truths. I have recently met a very wonderful man and am seeking God's wisdom for the relationship. It is on my heart so heavy to be this encourager for him and to hold him before my Father daily. Taking my eyes off of my hurt and my needs has been a process for me. You'r statement to take our hurts and needs to God (something that should have been natural for me) was quite eye-opening. It is wise for my heart and my relationship to always have God first and to understand that others are not the answer to my every need. They are the ones to walk beside me in this journey and share with. Please pray for my sincerity and honest healing. I so want to be an encourager and lover of this mans soul -
    Reply
    1. God uses broken people and he can work miracles in your life! I was divorced years ago and have been happily married {for the second time} for nearly 15 years now. There is always hope! God bless you in your journey. I pray you find happiness and joy in your new relationship.
      Reply
  33. I just saw this article and am blown away with the valuble wisdom you have shown, not only in the article, but also even in the comments. I was raised to honor and serve my husband. My mother set that great example for me when I was very young. What many women fail to see is that a husband who is served and encouraged usually responds in the same way. I saw it with my father in his treatment of my mother. He treated her like a queen in response to her encouragement and service. And I get to see it everyday from my own husband. The more I encourage and serve him, the more he treats me better than I could ever imagine. I can't say I'm always successful at doing it, but it certainly makes me want to be. I am sad to see so many women ardently standing up for their rights and what they deserve. When Christ came to eartth , He deserved so much more than being beaten and hung on a cross, and He never once complained. He served and encouraged others. I'd rather follow His example than worry about what I deserve. Thank you again for such a great reminder and your wisdom to share it.
    Reply
    1. And by the way, I am a working wife too. That shouldn't keep us from encouraging our husbands and serving them when we can. I may be tired, but if I remember to honor my husband and serve him, it makes it worth it.
      Reply
  34. Thank you for your post. I wast just told by my husband of 16 years he wants a divorce last week. I'm a Christian and we got married in front of GOD, so I don't believe in divorce and know we can't or hope we can work it out. The post helps me look within myself to see what mistake I have made and what I can do to better myself. I will for sure be looking more for your post. Thank you
    Reply
    1. Oh Elizabeth! MY heart breaks for you. It's good to look at your own attitude... but also realize that sometimes it's nothing the wife did. I don't know your situation. Most of the time both the husband and wife are at fault for different hurts. And God can heal your marriage. He has the power to bring you closer together. I pray you find the peace and happiness you are looking for and that your husband turns his heart toward home.
      Reply
  35. I am in love with this site! God is always right on time!!!! I have needed everything I am reading so far. Thank you for your faithfulness to offer so much wisdom!!!!
    Reply
  36. Perfect timing. I was here thinking if I encouraged my Hubby he'll learn to do the same for me. I was kinda pouting on the inside. Thanks Melissa for writing on Encouraging Our Husbands. I repent of wanting it to be all about me...and what his short comings are. When in fact I have the power to change and create the harmony I seek in my Marriage and Family. #JehovahGod is always punctual. Thanks again...God Bless you.
    Reply
  37. Hi I live in the uk where Christian life is a lot different, I unfortunately had no christian training with regards of finding a good Godly husband, instead I said yes to a egotistical pretend god man, for a long time I desperately tried all the above, to find it all got worse, he has no idea how to treat a woman respectfully, I felt like I failed because I was not a "virtuous" woman. It's taken me a long time to realise that some of these websites, proverbs 31 etc, I believe are downright dangerous, you have no idea it seems what it is like to be in the "real" world. I'm glad you haven't I would NOT recommend it, and I'm truly glad some women have got it right or have received good Godly parenting. However, it makes me really angry to see stuff like this because to many women who have lost their voice and confidence, they will be so desperate (as was I) that they will walk into an already terrible situation and become an utter doormat to an already cold ruling man. I pray and pray and pray that one day there will be someone who has not come from a happy bubble, giving ideas that is ONLY appropriate to other women who are in safe loving relationships , I really hope my words at least encourage you to pray about what I'm saying and ask God His thoughts on what I'm saying. I mean no disrespect but I do truly believe what you are teaching can be dangerous if not correctly balanced. please spend time being on the inside of terrible un Godly relationships before you preach this stuff. And yes the Bible of course is correct however unfortunately for many women the Bible came along for them AFTER the terrible marriage choice. Thank you for your caring anyway. With blessings. Julie.
    Reply
  38. I was thinking that I see you have articles which I'm sure help women who are not in a safe marriage, which does not necessarily mean physically, there are other types of abuse too. The problem I feel is when a broken woman reads your loving, caring article, she immediately just feels, it's my fault, I'm not trying hard enough, good enough, kind enough, etc, you don't have to take my word for it, just study some information on abused women and how they think when they are in that situation, I am concerned about these types of articles, if you included your other articles within these ones that may help, and then these women would immediately see that your information might not be right for them, I'm just worried because I think you may assume that women who are desperate think clearly and coherently, they DO NOT. I have never written this before, and fear arises in me because I no way wish to undo the good that you are doing, I just am trying to bring a balanced opinion in the hope that if my words have any truth in them then Our Father will somehow confirm this to you, if not of course it should be rejected. With Blessings.
    Reply
  39. Hello, What a wonderful blog! In this day and age it is hard to find young women who have the fear of the Lord, it's tough to repress our selfish ways and find other women who are willing to try each day to let God do his work in and through us. I appreciate them wherever I can find them. You are an encouragement to pick up my cross daily and persevere. Thanks for this and what a blessing to find a sister in Christ.
    Reply
  40. Wow! I just read this as a man, and I have to say that if all wives would follow the advice given here, the divorce rate would plummet. I've been telling people, for some time now, to look at all of the married couples that have maintained a long lasting marriage that they know of, and they will see that they embrace the lifestyle set forth by Proverbs 31, whether they know it or not. This is just another example of how His word rings true!
    Reply
  41. This is awesome, it made me realize what that i need to change for the sake of my relationship, thank you so much for this message
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  42. Hi Melissa, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for your obedience in putting this site together because I know it is God working through you. I have been married for 5 years and I have struggled with the domestic side of things as this is not something that I was taught growing up. I have gotten better over the years, but of course still not where I want to be. I have also struggled with my attitude. I was so focused on what my husband was doing wrong that I couldn't see what I was doing wrong. Recently I have been studying the Proverbs 31 Woman and I decided to do a search and I came across your site, which of course I know was no accident. I found it just last night and it has blessed me tremendously thus far. It has helped me to realize that being a virtuous woman is possible! I have found your articles and tools, like the planners, very helpful and simple! Thank you again. I have already told many women that I know about your site as it has truly, truly blessed me. Continue to allow God to use you and thank you again! :)
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    1. Hi Melanie, thank you so much for sharing your story! God is so good! Thank you for sharing A Virtuous Woman with other women. I really appreciate it! I hope you'll come back soon and visit with me again. God bless you!
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  45. I just found your website on Pinterest. I enjoy it quite a bit, but I did become discouraged after reading this specific post. I work outside the home and shouldn't I also expect encouragement from my husband? I work full-time AND raise children AND keep a beautiful home. I deserve to be encouraged as well. I agree with you, a husband needs to be encouraged and taken care of, but a woman deserves these examples of love as well. Thanks Melissa, I would love a response.
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    1. Hi Rachel, I totally agree Rachel that wives should be treated with love and respect. Your husband should be an encouragement to you! The thing is, this website isn't for husbands. :) It's for wives. So, in that respect, I tend to only speak to wives. But that doesn't mean I think it's okay for husbands to treat their wives with anything less than the best. It is never my intention to discourage the women who come here - only to offer ideas about how you can be the best wife and mother that you can be - and hopefully your husband will recognize your efforts and demonstrate his appreciation with love and kindness toward you. Does that make sense? If you have any questions let me know! God bless you!
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  46. I am more than willing to change for God and save my marriage. We recently had an unfortunate event and I forgave him despite how hurt I am. I look forward to winning his heart for God. Thank you Melissa for the lessons you are teaching along the way. God tells us not to conform to the ways of this world. Keeping Gods word is loving God 1st before loving ourselves. So many of us love how you teach us God's word, please remember that when the negative Nancys come along. I have 3 children 2 business, take care of my home, activities outside the home, fighting health uncurable health issues, my husband is in the Army which also leaves me as a solo parent at times. Through it all, I still wish to follow Gods word and serve my husband. It is my prayer that every wife who reads this would be blessed to do the will of God.
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  47. Is there one link where I can download the from Clutter to Chaos devotional. I just found your site this morning and it's like an answer to my prayers.
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  48. Hi Melissa, I stumbled upon your blog and this particular post by pure accident but it's really what's been on my mind lately. As it turned out being a wife is not an easy role, thank you for this article, now I have a lot to think about. And I really like your other entries - I'm religious too and I love your approach to things. BTW can you tell, what is a Grandarlin' - I cannot find a translation for it.
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  49. i just found your site today !!! Thank you beautiful lady for sharing your encouragement, ideas, leadership, and your love of ALL of us.
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  50. I'm so glad that I found your post. My Fiance and I live together we will be married in a year. We've lived together now for 2 years and in these past 2 years I am not the same happy woman I was before we moved in together. I love him deeply and I want nothing but happiness for him for us. However, in these 2 years I have had 3 jobs not ever being without a job. He on the other hand first had a job, but hurt his back we are currently trying to get this problem solved. He worked for 6 months got hurt without a job for 6-8 months worked for 3 months now hes without a job. Well I take back he has a job that is dependent on weather and it has been nothing but rain for the past what seems like 2 months. It is frustrating because even though I know he is in pain I find myself nagging him and harboring resentment because I feel as if everything is now put on my shoulders. Full-Time Job, House Chores, Bills, Planning our Wedding, Keeping Peace with Families. I feel over-worked and unappreciated. I know that's not what is really going on, but I have no idea how to stop these negative thoughts or behaviors. Reading the post about his identity being tied to a job really helped.
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  51. Hi Melissa, thank you for doing what you do, i came across this site today, and it is indeed what i was looking for, i truely want to become a Proverbs 31 wife, and iam so glad to come across this beautiful site.. God bless you.
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  53. I appreciate this series so much. I know I have been guilty of bombarding him because "adult!" when he walks in the door. I will be making a conscious effort to withhold my need to share for a better time. What a great verse to focus on!
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  54. I have really been enjoying the Chaos to Calm series. It has been a blessing for me to start each day with this devotion and with God. In the 10 days I've been doing this I have seen a change in myself - for the better of course.
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  56. I've really enjoyed this series and the goals that I set for being a Proverbs 31 woman. I thought it would be a challenge to get up early before the rest of my family, but God is good. He has woken me up every morning without an alarm. Thank you for your time in doing this for and with us.
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  57. I definitely needed this today. What can I do though when I am the primary provider and don't get greeted the same way as you described by my husband when I come home from work?
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    1. I understand what Lauren is saying; I am the provider and I am having a hard time connecting to some of the posts in this series because they seem to be directed at stay at home mothers. My husband is in grad school, I'm the primary provider, and we have no children.
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  58. I found your post while searching for how I could be a better husband. Thank you for posting this for myself and others.
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  59. I really needed to hear this. I love this scripture so much I want to enlarge one of our wedding pictures and have it written on the bottom. My goal is to strive to be this for my husband. Thank you for doing His work. God bless you.
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  60. I love this article because as women we have such a powerful influence for good in the home. The words that come out of our mouth can truly bring someone closer to God, strengthen relationships, encourage, support, express love, and yet, the opposite is true. As women, we do God's work within the walls of our home with our family. The question is, what kind of home are we striving to have? Do we want one where the Spirit can dwell and God can smile down upon? If so, that's within our powers to help create and cultivate. As we do, others in our family will notice our changes and differences to where their hearts will soften and they will follow. It's so wonderful to be a woman!
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