31 Days of Calm in My Chaos
This post is the last post in the series 31 Days of Calm in My Chaos and the second post in the Letting Go Series.
- Embracing Imperfection
- Set Free from the Bondage of Shame, Guilt and Perfectionism
- Letting Go of Expectations
I’ve learned a lot about myself over these last few weeks. So much more than I ever thought. Much of what I’ve learned has been a progression of things God has been showing me over the last few years.
My life has been forever changed. He’s opened my eyes to so many new ways of looking at life. I was in search of peace and calm – and I found so much more!
If you’ve joined me in this 31 Day journey, I hope you’ve learned some profound truths too!
For so many years I carried shame and guilt around with me like it was the price of my sin. I’ll never forget the morning Jesus spoke to me and laid it on my heart that He had forgiven me years before – the first time I asked! I felt such relief!
The Bible says, “You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” Mich 7:19
God does not remind us of our sins, our failures, over and over again to torment us. Satan does that! It’s Satan who wants us to feel shame and guilt and unworthiness. He wants you to believe deep down inside that there is no real hope for you. He wants to hold your guilt over your head so that you feel shame every time you look in the mirror.
Christ doesn’t do that. When we come to Him with a sincere and repentant heart, he casts our sins into the ocean and he doesn’t go looking for them later.
That gift of salvation, freedom from my past, was given to me so many years ago, and yet, while I was set free from my past sin, I allowed my quest for the “perfect life” to again drown me in a sea of failures and regrets.
I needed to not only be set free from my past but set free from my present.
Because this present moment is the only moment I really have. This present moment is the life I’m living. I can make plans for the future, but only God knows if those plans will ever come into fruition. I really only have this moment.
And so, I’ve been set free. I am free to live in this moment with peace and wild joy. And like I said the other day:
My life is not ruined by one day or one moment. I can still smile.
And amazingly enough, I don’t feel overwhelmed by life any more. That terrible burn out that I’ve gone through over the last few years – it’s gone. Because I’m free. I’ve learned to say no to those things that do not add goodness to my life. And I don’t feel guilty when I tell people I can’t do something – however good – because I realize and fully accept that God does not expect me to do something just because it’s good. I’ve learned to set boundaries.
I no longer have unrealistic expectation of myself – or my loved ones. I don’t expect them to be perfect. I love them unconditionally. I accept with peace that sometimes people are grumpy and that’s okay. Ideally no one would ever be grumpy – but it happens! And when it does, it’s not a reflection on my life as a whole. It’s just one moment in time – one small moment that when compared to all of the good things that happen day in and day out – doesn’t really matter all that much.
I’m okay with not always having a neat home – because our home is where real life happens. It’s where the things that matter have a purpose. It’s where the people that matter have a place to share. It’s where grief, sorrow, joy, and happiness have the most meaning and can be fully expressed.
I am still on a mission to get more organized and I do want to continue renovating our home so that it’s a pleasant space for my family – but it’s not the end of the world if it takes years to reach my goals instead of weeks or months. God loves me for me. I don’t have to prove to Him or anyone else that I am worthy of love. I am worthy of love because I am His.