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Trusting God Through the Loss of a Child @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Trusting God Through the Loss of a Child

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

 

Trusting God Through the Loss of a Child @ AVirtuousWoman.org

This beautiful guest post has been written by my friend, Juliet van Heerden. 


 

I mailed her a card today. Haven’t heard from her in a while. Five months to be exact.

“Just want to say, hello.” I pen the words carefully. Prayerfully.

I never want to be “too much.” But something within me desperately wants to keep our silken thread of communication intact. When half a year passes, my heart knows she’s grown half a head taller, a whole lot smarter, and is now, perhaps, too old for a “godmommy.”

Father, she doesn’t even know me, I pray. Why do I keep reaching out to her? Why does stepping into a middle school classroom set my heart astir with the wonder and magic of the emotional chaos that is life as a “tween?” Why is hers the face I search for among those chattering girls in the hallway, when I know that none of them is hers – will never be hers. Show me how to love her from afar.

Disappoint is Hard

Disappointment is hard. When we are responsible for the choices that bring the disappointment, it’s even more difficult, because there is no one to blame but the person in the mirror. When my heart aches with the pain of certain searing losses, I want to blame someone…anyone. I also want to point a finger, say a bad word, work up some anger to mask the hurt, and maybe eat some chocolate (or something) to calm my nerves; none of that works to resolve the tangled knot in the center of my being. Those are simply smokescreens I’ve been guilty of hiding behind when life hurts.

Years ago, I began attending a 12 Step group with a chemically dependent spouse. I went because I wanted to support him in his recovery. Little did I know that I was just as much in need of those twelve principles as he.

I remember the first time I heard Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

Hmmmm, I thought. I’m familiar with God. I understand Him to be the only “Higher Power.” He’s been my Father, my Friend, my Rock and my Refuge for my entire life.

It was several years before I understood that Step Three is for everyone, not just alcoholics and addicts, but regular folks like me, who have been buffeted by life’s storms and are in need of ongoing surrender to the only ONE who truly understands our hearts.

Although I was birthed by Christian parents and raised in a Christian home, I admit (reluctantly) that there have been areas, corners of my heart, that I have failed to turn over to God’s care. Step Three, for me, is about those areas. About trusting Him with her.

About trusting Him with the leftovers of my heart after the enemy beats me up with lines like, “This is your own fault, you know. You lied. You lost her – your fault.

Doesn’t the enemy of our souls love to pour the alcohol of guilt, shame and blame into our open wounds?

I fight him with the sword of God’s Word, which promises me this: “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1 KJV)

I choose to make the daily decision to place my life in the hands of the One who says, “Woman, where are your accusers?” (John 8:10)

My accusers are mostly in my own head, if I allow them to be. It’s not my God who sends me back to the pit of shame every time I hear her name. It’s the Liar, the Accuser of the Brethren, the Guilt-Deliverer who gets more business in my neighborhood than Dominoes Pizza. I will survive his attacks when I make a decision to release my stubborn will into the hands of my Redeemer.

Finding Redemption

What about you? Is the enemy knocking on your door with a steaming box of regrets? Does the scent of shame fill your home whenever you allow yourself to remember the choices you made that caused you to hurt the people you loved the most? Do you accept his lies – even tip him for his services, or will you send him packing with the words, “This is not what I ordered today?”

If your loss, like mine, involves a child, may I invite you to take another step, a step of choosing to trust God with that little one (who may now be half-grown)? Will you choose to believe that He loves the person, the very one you carry on your heart, even more than you ever could? Whether your baby was aborted, adopted, or fostered by another family, God tenderly holds your child in the palm of His heart. Will you choose to release that life over the care of its loving Creator who understands the circumstances that led to your heartache and offers redemption for your loss?

Eternity is a long time, my friend. Heaven holds the hope of the resurrection of our relationships. Jesus died that we might live, that our babies and children might live, that our hope will live – Forever!

Juliet Van Heerden is a teacher and pastor’s wife who writes from Jacksonville, Florida. She is passionate about sharing hope with hearts wounded by addiction and excited about the completion of her first book, Same Dress, Different Day: A Spiritual Memoir of Addiction and Redemption, available in early 2015. Chapter One can be found on her blog at julietvanheerden.com.

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About Melissa Ringstaff

My name is Melissa Ringstaff and I've been blogging here at A Virtuous Woman since 2001. I'm a pastor's wife and homeschooling mom living in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern KY. I believe in finding freedom from perfection and living life with purpose and I want to help you do exactly that.

I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit with me. I hope we can be friends!

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This post may contain affiliate links. You can read my disclosure policy here.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Karen M Roth

    January 4, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today. I have been weeping so hard for years due to my mom forcing me to give up both of my children and then she told them that I had abandoned them . I left to get the medical and mental health help I needed that my parents neglected to provide. I suffered with many painful conditions due to their lack of proper care.. I have been married to the wonderful man who with his whole family helped me for 10 years now.
    Reply
    • Melissa Ringstaff

      January 4, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      Karen, God knows how you've suffered and He wants to heal your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. May God bless you abundantly!
      Reply
  2. Lorraine Cooper

    January 5, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    My heart was filled to bursting with love and compassion for you. It was only last night while praying I reached the point where I could say with true conviction to satan that his nagging doubts no longer had any influence on me. I have been redeemed, repurchased, numbered, and sealed by God and his son our King Jesus. So satan has no hold over me any more. I was constantly tormented by the things I had done in the past, and yet I understood that we are separated from our sin as the east is to the west. But that was on an intellectual level. Now I understand it in a heartfelt, loving way. I even thanked God for the things I have lived through because they shaped the person that I am. I am not proud of my past but it is what makes me me, knowing that a God wanted me despite that was salve for my soul, so thank you for sharing and I pray that you find the peace that only God provides. Your sister in Christ.
    Reply

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purposenotperfection

Freedom from perfection. 🪁
Live with purpose. ✝️
Proverbs 31 for modern women. 👱‍♀️
Wife + Mama + Homemaker + Kentucky
Life: @melissa.ringstaff

Melissa Ringstaff
Not gonna lie. 2020 was a hard year. And not just Not gonna lie. 2020 was a hard year. And not just because there was a pandemic. Our family has faced many trying times in the past but 2020 gave us some doozies.  I’m looking forward to a new year. The beginning of the new year always feels like a fresh start to me. It feels like HOPE.  But the truth is, whatever heartaches and hardships you and I were facing on Dec. 31 will most likely still be there on Jan. 1.  That’s why it’s hard to keep New Years resolutions. It’s easy to feel motivated for a few days or a couple weeks until we realize life hasn’t really changed and things are still hard.  But if we want to see real change it takes hard work and real effort. It takes showing up every day - even when it’s hard.  Whether that means working on your fractured relationships or setting healthy boundaries or cultivating self disciple... whatever that hard thing is that you need to work on ... it will only get better if you work on it.  We aren’t promised an easy life. But we are promised an “Ever Present Help in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1  *
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#faithblogger #faithfulness #faithandfamily #bibleverseaday #christianbloggers #dailyverses #christianlife #jesuscalling #shereadstruth#proverbs31women #proverbs31life #10virtues #daughteroftheking #jesuslovesme #womenoffaith #faithquotes #proverbs31
We’re coming into the new year with all the same We’re coming into the new year with all the same problems we had in the last year. And that’s okay! Life doesn’t have to be perfect to still be amazing. Perfectionism is a joy stealer. Let’s determine to enjoy life right now in all its messiness.  I believe you can find freedom from perfection and the confidence to live your life with purpose. #purposenotperfection  #christian #Jesus #love #quotes #quoteslife #quotestoliveby #godisgood #votd #lifequotes #inspirationalquotes #life #motivationalquotes #inspiration #bible #bb #bestoftheday #happiness #wordofgod
🏠 Being a homemaker is such an important role. 🏠 Being a homemaker is such an important role. It’s a ministry to your family and all who enter your home.  But I want you to know: You don’t have to be perfect. ❤️  There’s a fine line between teaching your children to be neat and insisting on perfection. No one can meet that kind of standard and it can be detrimental to the emotional health of your family.  What we want for our homes is to provide a space that is neat and clean enough that your family and friends feel comfortable and well loved.  There is freedom in accepting the fact that you’re not perfect. Not to make excuses for slovenliness - but to give yourself grace.  It’s when we recognize our weakness that we find ourselves reaching out to Jesus to receive the power that comes only from him. As homemakers, when we can find grace for the moment when we accept His Gift.  “But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the LORD our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage. Ezra 9:8  Let His Grace wash over you, cleanse your weary heart. Homemaking isn’t about creating a perfect space. It’s about creating a home where loved ones feel cared for and nurtured. 
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking #wearethehomemakers
❤️Your attitude about homemaking matters.⠀
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A homemaker by definition is someone who manages and makes a home. 🏠⠀
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But, anyone can clean and organize a home. ⠀
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☑️ Homemaking is about more than checking off the items on your to do list.⠀
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Learning how to be a homemaker means you learn how to make your home feel like haven of peace and love. You seek out ways to make your home feel inviting. You work at it.⠀
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There is no easy button for homemaking. There are easier, more efficient ways to do chores, but the chores still have to be done. If you live in a house, you will create the need for the house to be tidied every day and cleaned on a regular basis.⠀
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Having the right attitude about homemaking is the first step in learning how to be a homemaker.⠀
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The good news is, even if you’ve been struggling with your homemaking, you can always go to God and ask Him for help. ⠀
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He sees the unseen work of your hands. And He loves you very, very much. He wants to help you succeed. ⠀
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking  #youngwife #housewife
🙏 If you’ve found it difficult to have a regu 🙏 If you’ve found it difficult to have a regular time with Jesus every day, you’re not alone. Lots of busy Christian women struggle to find time for a daily prayer and devotion time. ⠀
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But I still want to encourage you to start your day with God! ⠀
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⏰ If it’s hard to spend 30 minutes in the morning for a quiet time, I want you to remember you can still begin your day with God – even if that means saying a short prayer before your feet hit the floor in the morning.⠀
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✝️ I also want to encourage you to memorize this verse:⠀
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“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.⠀
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8 📖⠀
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In the morning you can recite this verse and say a prayer. It doesn’t have to take a long time. Although – if you do have time – you will be greatly blessed by spending more time in prayer and devotion.⠀
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📌 Free Printable Morning Prayer Prompts on the blog today: https://avirtuouswoman.org/morning-prayer-prompts/  #linkinbio ⠀
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#faithblogger #faithfulness #faithandfamily #bibleverseaday #christianbloggers #dailyverses #christianlife #jesuscalling #shereadstruth #Christ #Church #Christian #Jesus #Jesuslover #JesusChrist #JesusisLord #CreatorGod #Devotional #verseoftheday #Love #Faith #biblestudy #God #dailydevotional
🏠 As a homemaker, one of my goals is to be inte 🏠 As a homemaker, one of my goals is to be intentional with how I plan our days. I love any opportunity to create a good memories at home for my family and guests. ⠀⠀
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📌 If you're looking to make this holiday season really special, you need to be intentional. Goodness knows 2020 has had a lot of ups and downs. And maybe you feel like it's been mostly downs. ⠀⠀
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🎄 But the holiday season is a chance to focus on celebrating the life we have right now. Things don't need to be perfect for us to celebrate life right now!!⠀⠀
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☑️ Inside the pages of my Purpose 31 holiday planner, you'll find 8 weeks of planning and cleaning all laid out for you. Recipe pages, journaling pages, and more - 120 pages total. ⠀⠀
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✏️ The Purpose 31 Holiday Planner is by far one of the most popular resource I produce each year. ⠀⠀
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Thousands of women have downloaded it over the last four years I've offered it.⠀⠀
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So, even though it's early still, you can go ahead and downlaod it. Print it out and then set it up so you're ready to go.⠀⠀
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I usually take my holiday planner down to Office Depot and have them spiral bind it with a plastic cover for about $5.00. This year, though, I just bought a new 3 ring binder at Walmart, printed off extra cover pages to slip in the clear sleeve, and created a binder with it. ⠀⠀
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📌📌📌 If you use the planner this year, be sure to share and tag me in your photos! ❤️⠀  Download: https://avirtuouswoman.org/holiday-planner/ #linkinbio
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#proverbs31 #proverbs31woman #purpose31 #10virtues #homemaking #homemakingministries #happyhomemaking #homemaking101 #cleanhome #cleanheart #fromchaostocalm #housekeeping #cleaningroutine #inspiredhome #makingahome #lovewhereyoudwell #homemaker #homebody #biblicalHomemaking #christmas #holidayplanning #planningaddict #plannercommunity #freeprintables #thanksgiving #christmastree  #plannerobsessed
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