Perfection is NOT Required | How to Let Go of Perfectionism
If you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism… or maybe you’ve struggled with feeling like a failure when your home or life isn’t “perfect,” I want to let you in on a secret. Perfection is NOT required for you to be a wonderful homemaker, a wonderful wife, or a wonderful mom. Let’s talk about it how you can let go of perfectionism today.
The Ministry of Homemaking
Originally published January 2016.
You can find the rest of the posts in this series here: The Ministry of Homemaking Series.
Somehow there’s this idea that you’re only good homemaker if your house is spotless. And I’ll admit, I use to feel this way. In fact, for years I felt like a failure because it seemed that within hours of really cleaning the house it was messy again.
Perfection is NOT Required
I had this ideal image in my mind of what my life was supposed to look like. And that image definitely included a house that was always neat – even when company popped over unannounced. And as a pastor’s wife, somehow I felt like I was supposed to be even more awesome than the average mom – it didn’t matter that I had five children at home or that over the years I had 11 or more family members living and or eating in our house at any given time.
I still had this desire for perfection. On the one hand you could say, I wanted to be the best wife and mother I could be. But after years of striving for perfection I was facing burn out.
I had never considered myself a perfectionist. I mean, yes, I like the towels folded a certain way – but if someone offers to help and they do it a different way, I really don’t care. I have piles of books and stuff in places where I wish they weren’t – but honestly, I can live with it to a certain degree.
But I had this perfect image in my mind of what my life was supposed to look like and while I loved my husband and adored my kids, my life didn’t measure up to my expectations.
My expectations were ruining my life. I longed for something different, more, better.
I learned the hard way that my life doesn’t have to be perfect to be amazing. My life is good. Great even. And that is enough. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Letting Go of Perfectionism
Maybe it’s because I’m older now – I turned 40 this past November – but I know I’m giving it my best shot and if my best shot falls short of my expectations, it’s okay. I still have a great life! And instead of wishing for something better, I want to make the life I’m living right now as joy-filled and stress free as possible.
If you have little ones running around, it can seem like keeping the house tidy will always be a battle, but the truth is, it does get easier the older the kids get. My youngest is 12 now and while, yes, the kitchen still gets messy faster than anything I’ve ever seen, the rest of the house stays neater.
The kids help me keep things neat. But, all it takes is one incredibly busy 24 hour period and the whole house needs an overhaul. Instead of feeling frustrated and defeated, I just rally the kids and we get it done.
So for instance, the last two days have been killer for me. I have very special company coming today. My son’s girlfriend is flying up from Florida and staying with us for a few days. I haven’t had time to hardly breathe the last few days. I finally got to bed last night around 12:30 or 1 am {working on planners late} and I had to get up at 3 am to drive 2 1/2 hours to the ice rink. While Hannah has her early morning private lesson I’m writing this blog post. Thankfully my husband drove! I’m exhausted. And my house didn’t get clean the way I had hoped.
I’m not going to stress over it because I know what the last few days have been like and it’s been tough. I’ve done the best I could under the circumstances. Now granted, the house wasn’t trashed and I do have older kids at home who can finish cleaning things up this morning – Emily said she’d mop the floors and I’m sure Sarah will finish up the kitchen. But if something doesn’t get done… well, it’s not the end of the world. I’ve learned to laugh at myself.
I can admit I’m not perfect – something that was hard for me even five years ago.
If you’ve ever visited someone’s house and felt afraid to sit on the furniture because you might get it dirty, you know that that kind of sterile environment does not feel comfortable. It doesn’t feel like home.
On the other hand, I’ve been in some houses where I was afraid to sit on the furniture for entirely different reasons and that’s not good either!
What we want for our homes is to provide a space that is neat and clean enough that your family and friends feel comfortable and well loved.
I know some of you may cringe at even thought of things out of place, in piles, or out of order. I’ve never had this problem! But, I do live with my husband who can be really OCD about things and I’ll be honest and tell you it can drive the rest of us crazy. So, if that sounds like you – consider how your family feels. Do you value your house or material possessions more than your family?
There’s a fine line between teaching your children to be neat and insisting on perfection. No one can meet that kind of standard and it can be detrimental to the emotional health of your family. We’ll talk more about the importance of chores for kids and training them later in this series, but for now I’m going to leave you with this thought.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
There is freedom in accepting the fact that you’re not perfect. Not to make excuses for slovenliness, but to give yourself grace.
You see, it’s okay to admit we are weak. It’s okay to not be perfect.
It’s when we recognize our weakness that we find ourselves reaching out to Jesus to receive the power that comes only from him. As homemakers, when we can find grace for the moment when we accept His Gift.
“But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the LORD our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage. Ezra 9:8
Let His Grace wash over you, cleanse your weary heart. Go ahead and breathe a little deeper; bask in the sunshine.
Home Work + Free Printable
Answers these questions below in a journal or notebook.
- Look up this verse and write it down in your journal. Isaiah 32:18
- Have you struggled with perfectionism?
- Have you put undue pressure on yourself because of expectations?
- Ask God to grant you grace for this moment and open your eyes to His expectations for you.
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