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How to Become a Patient Mom

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Learning to Be a Patient Mom @ AVirtuousWoman.org

Learning to Be a Patient Mom

This question was asked in response to my post: Provoke Not Your Children, part of the From Chaos to Calm series. I though it was a great question, so I wanted to share my response with you below.

Q: Thank you so much for the reminder!!! I tend to get nit picky and I have one daughter in particular that I know getting angry and yelling will get me nowhere, but coming along side and lovingly correcting her does wonders. If only my emotions would not get so involved when I find her stealing gum…again, or cleaning the bathroom with the toilet brush, or eating out of the trash can. God gave her to me to teach me patience I am sure!! How do you control your emotions?

– Lindsay

10 Steps to Being a Patient Mom

1. Prayer.

Many years ago I began praying for God to give me a a meek and quiet spirit. I even put up this verse around the house: 1 Peter 3:4 “…a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Prayer is by far our greatest resource! And praying scripture is powerful! I can’t say enough about how God has taken my once impatient spirit and given me a spirit or patience! It didn’t happen over night. I’m not perfect by any means. And honestly, I tend to be less patient with my husband than with my kids – something I’ve been working on recently. However, God will give you the virtue of patience if you sincerely desire it!

The key to getting control of your emotions is to hand them over to God. While we are weak, He is strong!

2. Focus.

I also began to focus on the bigger picture. What do I want my kids to remember about me, about home? And I worked really hard to make sure that our days were filled with laughter and joy – even in the mundane. I take time every day to just sit and talk with my kids – all of them. I take time to sit and play games or watch funny YouTube videos or take walks and just be together.

Remember to take a deep breath and pause when your child does something that irritates you. Focus on what’s really important – the heart of your child. Ask God to give you patience and wisdom for your child.

My mother always told me, “People are more important than things.”

3. Talk to Your Kids.

Talking to your kids – even when they are young – is so important. Young children may not understand everything, but I do believe you can reason with even a young child if you are patient and consistent.

When my girls were little, if they picked up something that they didn’t need, instead of fussing at them I would say, “Thank you for being such a good helper. Let’s put that away.” and then I would take the item and put it up. I also tried hard to make sure that things they didn’t need to be into were put up – or that a gate was up to protect them from getting into things. My youngest child when she was old enough to toddle around would stick her hands in the toilet. SO GROSS! So for over a year we made sure the bathroom door was shut at all times.

4. Determine the consequences.

If your daughter steals gum on a regular basis, try to think of ways you can prevent that from happening. But then also think of a consistent punishment if she disobeys. Then explain to her the consequences. Always follow up your time outs or other discipline with lots of love, hugs, and joy. Be sure that you catch her doing good and praise her every chance you get.

One of my girls when she was about 5 or 6 years old would frequently climb in the cupboards and sneak candy or other treats without permission. If we caught her, she would be put in time out. I would explain to her what she had done wrong, and what my expectations were. She eventually stopped stealing candy and to this day actually hates sweets.

Don’t look at bad behavior as something done against you. Instead, realize that all kids are different {some will test you more than others} and that this child needs your attention right now. Yelling is rarely effective. In fact, speaking in a loud angry tone on a regular basis causes your child to simply tune you out when you ask nicely because they know they don’t really have to obey until you blow your top.

5. Ask once. 

Ask once. If they do not follow through with obedience, take action immediately to rectify the situation.

[Tweet “Ask once. If your child does not obey, take action immediately in a calm and patient way. “]

Be sure your child knows the rules before hand. Sometimes, especially little ones don’t understand that something is against the “rules.” If that’s the case, explain the rules and explain the consequences. Then, if there is a repeat offense, remind your child of the rules, and explain the consequences again. Then, follow through with the consequences. Mean what you say and say what you mean!

6. Be generous with your time, attention, and affection.

Sometimes kids repeatedly do things that they know will irritate because they are really seeking attention. So bad attention is better than no attention.

My kids get hugs and me loving on them every day multiple times through out the day and I regularly tell each one of them how lucky I am to be their mom. I’ll say, “I’m so glad you’re mine.” or “How did I get so lucky to be your mom?” or “You are so precious to me.” And I’m usually hugging them when I say it, or holding their face in my hands and looking them right in the eye.

Get on the floor. Read books together. Play games. Tickle each other. Laugh. Hug. Tell funny jokes. Play silly pranks on each other. Throw water balloons. Make rice krispie treats together. Play music loud and silly dance. Stay up late and watch movies. Snuggle in bed. Do whatever you can think of to make life special.

[Tweet “Do whatever you can think of to make life special. Love generously.”]

7. Tame your tongue.

Try to remember that you can never take back your words. You can and should apologize if you lose your cool and say something you regret. However, preventing the need to apologize is so much better! Words can hurt – deeply. And our words will shape our children’s hearts in ways we will never imagine.

8. Enjoy your kids. 

Childhood is fleeting. Enjoying this moment, right now, is so important!

These were things I learned along the way. My oldest kids probably got the brunt of my anger and frustration, but as the years passed and I learned better ways of dealing with stuff, I stopped yelling. My kids rarely ever need correcting anymore. Usually all I need to do is say, “Please don’t do that.” And they stop.

Learning to Be a Patient @ AVirtuousWoman.org

9. Value their person. 

By the time my oldest were in their teens I had learned to savor our time together and have patience. The real key to patience, I think, is valuing the other person so much that nothing is more important than your relationship.

[Tweet “Truly valuing the other person, is the key to being patient. “]

 

My kids know that I think they are neatest, coolest, most awesome kids that ever lived. And I’m not afraid to let everyone know how awesome they are. We all need an advocate, someone cheering us on. They know that their mom not only loves them and would die for them, but that I really like who they are. Their interests are my interests. I find their passion and run with it.

10. Develop trust.

There are times when kids need solid advice, correction, and discipline, but when you’ve worked to develop a deep relationship that is built on love and trust, your kids will be more likely to listen to you because they know how much you value them as a person and they respect your advice.

God bless you in your journey of motherhood. If you have other questions, please let me know!

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4 Comments

  1. That is pretty good advice for dealing with anyone. I'm not a mother and I'm not a Christian, but I do try to keep by temper down and my patience up - that helps, so thanks for posting.
  2. Thank you so much for this post, I'm 8 months pregnant and I find this post so encouraging. I've been always afraid to be a yelling mom, but this tips seem so clear and easy to follow. God bless you and your family!!
    1. Jacqueline, what an exciting time! I miss those days. I always loved pregnancy, babies, breastfeeding. I wish it could have lasted forever! I think you will be a great mom! Glad the tips were helpful. :)

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